To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

Only if you eat that kind of thing and you happen to have it in the house

They weren’t invited for a meal - who offers soup to guests who are coming over for a couple of hours?

YES! This! They're friends not random acquaintances, surely spending a bit more time together would be a GOOD thing? And I will never be embarrassed about eating. So many posts on here where I'm like "but if you're actually FRIENDS why didn't you just raise this at the time and call them out?"

"Kelly, this tea's a bit wet" "what?" "got any biscuits?" "oh my god, I completely forgot, Mark's dad scoffed the lot when they came yesterday, let's walk down little tescos and get some more"

"we'd better get off, I'm starving" "the oven's not working yet, shall we get a takeaway or do you fancy popping to our new local? they do this amazing fish pie"

etc. Like, I cannot imagine sitting in a friend's house and not being my honest open true self. A boss's house? maybe different. an elderly aunt on my husband's side? different approach. But adult friends? It's not the 1950s, we can raise the biscuit question without having future social invitations cancelled surely.

They would be kindly shown the door if they behaved like that

Amazing how many people on mumsnet seem completely unable to advocate for themselves even with friends and family.

No, I won't be doing that because I don't want to.
No, I can't make it as we can't afford it.
Don't come in, I'm in here!
Wow, sorry to ask but I'm so hungry, please could I get a snack or take you out for a quick bite even? Pregnancy, huh?

It's almost as if people prefer to get themselves upset over a situation that was completely within their power to resolve, and prefer instead to get their righteous anger validated by strangers online.

Rage eating a cracker on the loo instead of just asking for one is next level odd.

Not from Yorkshire, but totally agree with this:

I am from Yorkshire and my parents instilled it into me that as a guest, asking anyone for food is extremely rude. I guess there are micro-cultures within any given culture, rather than it being a 'norm' for all of the region(s).

My parents instilled this into us as well and I remember taking a friend back once in my twenties, who got up and helped herself to a banana, they were flabbergasted. Not that they said anything being v English about it all.

Not looking for an argument on the pros or cons of each approach, but more to say people have deeply ingrained behaviours re asking for food when being hosted, so really not wanting to ask isn't as odd as some people are making it out to be.

I generally wouldn't want to ask at all.

100 % agree.

Just ask and get to continue being friends!

Easy.

This is the strangest thread - not you OP. Why are people ignoring that OP is pregnant and had also gone 4 hours without food?
You don't generally eat a meal then sit snacking in the car during the next 2 hours travel.
It was a bit (very) odd to steal the crackers though.
Also odd to worry about seeing them in a pub.
I'm English - everyone I visit, regardless of nationality, offers at least a biscuit with a hot drink.

I would hate that, I wouldn’t feel comfortable helping myself in someone else’s home as I was brought up not to do that as it was the height of bad manners, as was asking for food/drink.

I guess it’s okay if everyone in your circle does it but I would find it odd. And would be angry if someone helped themselves in my house.

Whose idea was it for you to visit in the early afternoon- I’m assuming 2 to 4ish? That’s a very odd time to visit if you’ve got a long journey either side of it, because it messes up lunch time. It would have made much more sense to leave a bit later after a proper sized lunch or suggest having lunch with them, especially if you know you have to eat regularly or you feel ill.

If I was travelling 90 mins to see friends, they would be good enough pals for me to say ‘any chance of a bit of toast, I’m a bit peckish’.

if you didn’t feel comfortable doing that, why you driving 90mins to see them?

Very rude of them not to offer something to eat.
It’s not like you just popped over unannounced. Even then, a decent host would put something together to serve.
Separately, How can someone possibly starve in 4 hours without food? Pregnant or not. Ridiculous! Before anyone mentions special medical or dietary situations- those kind of people would certainly be well prepared and take food with them just in case.

So weird you are so fixated on them, when essentially you visited their home and stole from them. Don't go thinking you are on some kind of moral high ground because you'd offer someone a biscuit if they came to your house. Very telling of your standards and background if you think stealing from your friends is okay.

Thanks all for feedback, I now have a better understanding of what to expect.
A lot of people had shared views on what ifs - dietary requirements, time of day, intended length of a visit, weather or not you were invited or just popped by because you were in the area etc...
This is all completely irrelevant because I asked about specific set up where:

• We were repeatedly invited to spend an afternoon at their new place for a housewarming meet up with the caveat it will be only us, because 'we are long overdue a proper catch up' (the plan was to arrive after 3pm no upper limit - one of the hosts some obligations earlier, btw they picked the day of the weekend and timing).
• We all know what we eat and drink, we've been socialising before
• They knew we were specifically driving over to see them (it's a remote village type setting).

Some people here are in agreement with my expectations:

• the host is to provide refreshments (drinks and some snacks/nibbles at least - considering it is outside usual meal time)
• if the time expands into meal time territory it is up to the host to provide food or suggest going out for a meal

Some people think that

• The host should offer nothing but a tea or coffee
• We should have brought our own snacks or food to eat there while we are visiting (ideally also offer to share)
• If the time spent moved into meal time territory I should have suggested going out for the meal

We all seem to be in agreement we should have brought a housewarming gift - good.
We all agree stealing food is bad generally. Some think that taking 3 crackers from an open half eaten bag is a serious offence.

Got it.

I would 100% at least offer a snack, and not just because you are pregnant. I would go out and buy a cake or biscuits to go with a hot drink at the bare minimum. Any visitors that come to my home are offered something, even if they visit outside of meal times. It is basic human decency. I grew up in a home where even the builders were offered meals and grateful that I am from a culture where this is the norm. You have every right to be outraged.

Love how you have down played the fact you stole from them, but are outraged they never offered you a biscuit. Next time use your words and this wouldn't even be an issue.

Personally I would never turn up to visit someone empty handed and would expect to bring some cakes or a pack of biscuits but equally I am close enough to my friends to say I am peckish. I generally offer snacks but would be surprised if someone turned up empty handed too. Id have probably said I was getting peckish and was there a pub or cafe nearby for a spot of lunch that way they mightve got the hint or even joined you. If theyre friends its forgivable, no one is perfect.

I'd have been like, "Let's open the choccies I'm dying to tuck in!"

Why didn't you suggest that?

@Playdoughy As I said earlier, I don't normally keep cakes and biscuits in the house, but I would have baked for this occasion. However, given that it was a four hour round trip for you, I would have invited you for lunch and fed you properly.

I don't understand why you wouldn't have had a snack in the car or with you in your bag if you get nauseated when you are hungry due to being pregnant. Or maybe ask them for a piece of bread or crackers or something.

I wouldn't expect to be served food if I was visiting mid afternoon and it was between meal times if I just visited for 2hrs. Some people aren't used to being routinely snacking between meals.

How do people not understand that this isn't about anticipating whether the guest is going to be hungry in the hours they are visiting you.

It's also not relevant that people don't routinely snack because this isn't a routine.

It's just polite if people are visiting (especially after travelling some distance) to offer some sort of food and drinks. And it's very unusual in my experience not to. If people aren't hungry they can say no thank you.

So many inconsiderate people on this post. I would always offer a drink and at least a biscuit but most likely cake, and it would be biscuits of cakes I knew my friend liked.

If having someone to visit, its just polite to consider your guests. I this case id have offered a sandwich or something else light to eat, knowing they'd travelled to see me and particularly knowing my friend is pregnant. Why would you not. Knowing they were travelling home the same day, id have postponed my own lunch and offered a decent meal while they were there.

I was initially going to joke that perhaps the hosts are both on GLP-1s so aren't thinking about food. But I'm on the jabs and would still be hospitable, even if I didnt want to eat.

I would only be as unhospitable as these folks if the people coming were folk I didn't like. But if that was the case, I wouldn't have arranged with them to visit in the first place.

The hosts were rude imo.

I think most understand that this was not great hosting. It would have been better to have offered something. So we have 2 odd things here-

1)Host didn't offer any snacks.

2)Visitor despite bring pregnant and very hungry and with friends- didn't explain they were hungry and politely ask for something to eat, but instead took food without permission and ate it on the toilet, whilst angry, then left, still didn't eat, made a whole internet post about it and is now considering never visiting this friend again.

One of these 2 part is much, much older than the other. And that is the person eating secret stolen snacks on the loo.

Simple solution here would have been to have used your voice and ask if you could have a snack. If they're your friends surely that's not a problem. Maybe they were excited to see you and forgot about food but sounds like a big drama and being too British and moaning after the event !!

Not weird at all when pregnant or have another condition requiring snacks more frequently.

I would always have something to go with the tea, a cake, biscuits, something.

I wouldn't necessarily actually feed you though.