Feel sick with stress about social services, how likely is this?

[Mum2019mum]

Long story short, last Wednesday DC age 2.5 was off nursery to see GP. Routine thing and not unwell. It was too late to go back to nursery so I took them for ice cream as it was hot and to the park. When I stopped to post a parcel on the way back, they went absolutely crazy in the post office. Said they wanted sweets and I said no as had ice cream already etc etc. Screaming on the floor, refusing to get up. I was so stressed and embarrassed. Each time I tried to hold their hand they screamed that it hurt. After around 10 mins I lifted them to the car and they were kicking me. When I got then
into car seat they whacked my neck with their shoe (as in took it off and hit me), I took the shoes off them and they started pulling my hair, it was just awful.

Anyway, getting to the point… I was trying to
strap them in and they picked up the shoe next to them to which I thought they were going to hit me again so I whacked their arm back, I wasn’t even really thinking, it was just a horrendous moment. DC screamed and this women next to getting in her car muttered about it being disgraceful. She then stopped as she drove off and I am pretty sure she was taking a photo of the car. What will I do if she reports me? I feel sick with stress. I know I shouldn’t have reacted but it was instinctive. No mark or anything on dc so I hadn’t harmed them but obviously none of it was great. I feel sick with stress wondering if they will turn up to the house and force entry.

Why did you let them tantrum for ten minutes in the post office?

Bet OP wishes you'd been there to help with your expertise.🙄

She obviously needed to post something and was trying to do it and get dc home as soon as possible.

This is awful. Please take a photo, email it to the school for the attention of the governors and ask it to be raised as a safeguarding concern. Similarly contact your local children's social services.

@MyArtfulGreySloth i thought it would be a laugh

All this. The bar for parenting is soo depressingly low you are nowhere near this.... you are just a stressed parent having a moment. Dont worry.

my son age 3 told me his father hit him and repeatedly said he didn’t want to go there. Nursery reported to social, an early help worker called me and said that children say all sorts of things and unless there are bruises she is closing the case. And she did.

Oh @Mum2019mum you need to stop worrying, you did nothing wrong. Most of us have had a situation like this with a small child.

I remember my daughter throwing a tantrum in a public place at just that age. She was lying on the floor screaming and it was getting awkward - people were looking at me - until an older lady walked past and said "looks like it's can't get my own way time" (bless her, it entirely defused the situation). The thing is when a child that young is having a tantrum they CAN'T control themselves, you have to wait for it to pass - then you can pick them up and comfort them.

You had to pick your child up too soon, they were still flailing out and you protected yourself. Yes a bit more roughly than you might have liked, but no real harm done. Stop beating yourself up.

Sending hugs 🫂 🫂 🫂

Every mamal on the planet corrects their young when they are hurting them or hitting them. We are so out of sync with any kind of nature we beat ourselves up over anything that isn't perfect parenting. You didn't mean to do it and you won't do it again and it stopped a shoe landing on ur head again. For all you know the woman was tutting because your child was screaming and hitting out at you. You haven't done anything illegal you will not be the first to have misjudged something and you certainly wont be the last.

What an awful woman. Many of us had parents or grandparents who regularly hit us, and if you're a Millennial, you might even have been hit by teachers at school (until 1999 if you went to private school, 1986 in state), plus while I wouldn't personally smack, it is perfectly legal in England. Bet that woman doesn't care about all those parents who let kids stare at screens all day, watching actually dangerous things.

I highly doubt anything will come of this OP. At absolute most, a conversation. It will be obvious your child is well cared for.

However what caused his dreadful behaviour. Hitting you like that is absolutely not ok.

You’ll be fine, OP. I doubt they’ll contact you. And if they do, simply say what you’ve said here.

My kids are all young adults now but I still remember how frazzled the tantrums made me. When they used to go rigid and you couldn’t even get them in the buggy.

Distraction is best. Something like [Oscar winning acting]: “Did you see that fox. Look!”. Then, when they look, tell them they’ve just missed it going round the corner but ask them to keep their eyes peeled and let you know when they spot it. Ask them where they think it’s going, what its name might be and if they think it’s got a family. Used to work a treat, every time, though I’d have to switch up the animal/bird to stop them catching on.

All the 'theys' and 'theirs' are confusing, at the beginning of your post it was just one child. Reading further on, it appears you are talking about your daughter.

You reacted in the moment, nothing is going to happen, stop worrying.

Another Social Worker here - I have definitely never been able to access DVLA records for any reason whatsoever. I also agree with what others are saying, that a stressed Mum at breaking point would not meet the threshold for intervention in my team.
We've all had moments like this, please try not to overthink and go easy on yourself ❤️

They won't follow it up. If they.do it will be a phone call where you explain and they close the case

It was ages ago but I did tell security at the shop and was met with indifference, and I recall them telling me that it had happened before with those kids. At least I tried to do something, other people were ignoring them. When I phoned the NSPCC I said the security had told me that it wasn't a one off,

If you want a laugh I read your note quickly and thought you hit them back with the shoe! I was wondering why everyone was saying it was OK!
Just reframe this in your mind - you would want SS to follow up a call about child So if they follow up that's great the system is working. But as others have said the call will go no where once you explain.

Its possible that she didn't see what you did, but was reacting in a general way because your DC was screaming and having a tantrum. Is it possible that the "disgraceful" comment was aimed at your DC's behaviour rather than your response?

😂 pathetic

Yes, you are.

@Mum2019mum

I hope you are feeling a lot calmer about it today.

honestly it is a complete non event that SS won't be the slightest bit interested in, even if the woman did report it. Which I'd very much doubt she did.

you pushed DD's arm away to stop her hitting you with her shoe again, perfectly understandable.

talk it through in therapy to help you put this in perspective.

🤗

What are you trying to achieve with all these unpleasant comments?

Maybe, maybe not. It could also be the first time, but it may happen again. Some toddlers have tantrums a lot.

Once is enough anyway. It not ok to hit anyone, never mind a young child, even once.

It’s really not confusing for anyone who speaks proper English. They and their isn’t always a plural.