Feel sick with stress about social services, how likely is this?

[Mum2019mum]

Long story short, last Wednesday DC age 2.5 was off nursery to see GP. Routine thing and not unwell. It was too late to go back to nursery so I took them for ice cream as it was hot and to the park. When I stopped to post a parcel on the way back, they went absolutely crazy in the post office. Said they wanted sweets and I said no as had ice cream already etc etc. Screaming on the floor, refusing to get up. I was so stressed and embarrassed. Each time I tried to hold their hand they screamed that it hurt. After around 10 mins I lifted them to the car and they were kicking me. When I got then
into car seat they whacked my neck with their shoe (as in took it off and hit me), I took the shoes off them and they started pulling my hair, it was just awful.

Anyway, getting to the point… I was trying to
strap them in and they picked up the shoe next to them to which I thought they were going to hit me again so I whacked their arm back, I wasn’t even really thinking, it was just a horrendous moment. DC screamed and this women next to getting in her car muttered about it being disgraceful. She then stopped as she drove off and I am pretty sure she was taking a photo of the car. What will I do if she reports me? I feel sick with stress. I know I shouldn’t have reacted but it was instinctive. No mark or anything on dc so I hadn’t harmed them but obviously none of it was great. I feel sick with stress wondering if they will turn up to the house and force entry.

Not via the DVLA in this case but there would have been some tracking down the name of who was involved.

Just be honest with them if they call you.

@clareykb thank you. Is it true you have to go via police to get car reg keeper details?

@Shelleyblueeyes thanks. I certainly will be honest it they do

A good friend has something really similar happen. And the person did call SS. And they did come round (that day!). BUT all was fine. They had a chat, asked a few questions. Just did their job. We’re talking 10 years ago. But I’m sure it’s not that different.

Honestly don't worry. I listen to a woman screaming and swearing at her child every single school day outside. It's horrendous, I feel so sorry for him. I've seen her threatening to, and actually hitting him too on many an occasion as well as emotionally blackmailing him. That is public behaviour, I dread to think what it's like behind closed doors and I've seen the male of the household who looks like a drug addict. After a few weeks of seeing this every day I contacted the school (I recognised the uniform) and they said to contact the NSPCC. The response from them? Sorry, if you don't know their address we cannot take further action. I've been witnessing this behaviour since September and nothing has been done to protect this child. That is disgusting. Not one mum having a really bad day with a tantruming toddler, and trying to keep everyone from harm.

No one is going to do anything. The best thing you can do is think about how you could prevent such a meltdown in the future. Toddlers are usually triggered by something else, tiredness, hunger, overstimulation, unable to articulate etc.

OP really don’t worry! If you had any idea what social services child protection have to deal with you would realise that you have absolutely nothing to worry about !

Look at things from the other side too - if a child really was in danger thank heavens that SS will follow up.

I wouldn't worry. You were preventing your DC from hurting themselves - and you. Is this behaviour out of character or does it happen often?

It's not the end of the world. Your child was lashing out at you for some time. Parents aren't punchbags, we are humans.

I promise SS won’t care…

@Mum2019mum this is pure spiralling anxiety which is making you paranoid. Not a doctor here but have you seen one? It’s quite common to have anxiety and intrusive thoughts, sometimes counselling or even medication can help. It’s not nice to have this level of fear and panic.
Social Services aren’t able to help children in homes where they are routinely abused a lot of the time, they’re not going to give a single thought about this even if you were reported.
I recently reported something I’d class as diabolical and if I was to post on here asking for opinions I’m pretty sure even the random aibu trolls wouldn’t even be able to argue it’s something dreadful and because SS are so stretched they really can’t do fuck all.

You did something nice with your DD, due to over tiredness, toddlers being dicks, whatever it was it ended up with a kerfuffle. You didn’t exactly headbutt her or threaten to punch her lights out here, stop worrying about this as best as you can.

I’m glad that strangers ARE looking out for children.
What will you do differently next time?

I think it's highly unlikely that social services will contact you at all. If they do, just explain what happened. SS are horrendously overworked and understaffed so the likelihood of them being interested in this is vanishingly small.

I think your anxiety is causing you to panic about this. Have you tried the Calm app? It's got some great meditations and mindfulness to tackle anxiety and help groud you.

I work for SS and they do indeed follow every report but that’s even if this was reported.
If it was it would be a call to ask what happened. At this stage there would be no SW involvement as it doesn't meet thresholds.
They may signpost you to some support services in how to manage situations like this again if DC are pushing you to break point.

This is awful. You need to report this to the school. The school are able to escalate this if they see fit. They have a child safeguarding role. @DelilahBucket

Please call SS yourself.

Sorry, just reread and see you said you called the school. This was a crap response from them. I'd go back to them and call SS.

Honestly they won’t do anything! Children in awful situations don’t get help do one little incident like this they don’t bat an eyelid .

we have all been at the end of our tether at times . Be kind to yourself!

I don't think they'll be turning up and they certainly wouldn't force entry. If they do turn up it would be to assess the situation and offer support if needed. Your anxiety is making you magnify the situation op, try not to worry too much

I did report it to the school. Twice. They said they couldn't take action unless I contacted the NSPCC. After they refused to take action I contacted the school again and received no response. I gave a rough idea of where they live (not near the school so distinctive in itself), a very clear description of the entire family (there is a younger sibling also but the abuse isn't directed at him so he will be more indirectly affected by it) and clothing they wear regularly, and I'm sure the school must know who they are. It's still going on every single day nine months later so clearly not much is happening.

Social services absolutely can get your details from the DVLA. DVLA work on ‘reasonable cause’ to request them - it’s how a dodgy car park can send you a parking ticket. It doesn’t have to be via the police.

I mean in this case they won’t, social services ‘ threshold for involvement is much higher than that. Even if they do track you down it will be one visit or call and if you explain what happened as above they will be perfectly fine. I say this as a child protection lawyer.

You definitely need to contact social services about this, SS will then contact the school

Fair enough, thanks for answering.

Saying if boy or girl probs wouldn't have been identifying tho!

Don’t stress. A call from SS really isn’t a big deal. They called me 2 weeks ago because I took DD to A&E for a head bump. DS3 had pulled her highchair over with her in it. All I had to do was explain what happened, call lasted a few minutes, case closed.

I smacked my three year old when he pulled my hair hard while trying to avoid going in his car seat.

He is now 26 and I can reassure OP that he has suffered no ill effects from being smacked once when his behaviour was appalling.