Feel sick with stress about social services, how likely is this?

[Mum2019mum]

Long story short, last Wednesday DC age 2.5 was off nursery to see GP. Routine thing and not unwell. It was too late to go back to nursery so I took them for ice cream as it was hot and to the park. When I stopped to post a parcel on the way back, they went absolutely crazy in the post office. Said they wanted sweets and I said no as had ice cream already etc etc. Screaming on the floor, refusing to get up. I was so stressed and embarrassed. Each time I tried to hold their hand they screamed that it hurt. After around 10 mins I lifted them to the car and they were kicking me. When I got then
into car seat they whacked my neck with their shoe (as in took it off and hit me), I took the shoes off them and they started pulling my hair, it was just awful.

Anyway, getting to the point… I was trying to
strap them in and they picked up the shoe next to them to which I thought they were going to hit me again so I whacked their arm back, I wasn’t even really thinking, it was just a horrendous moment. DC screamed and this women next to getting in her car muttered about it being disgraceful. She then stopped as she drove off and I am pretty sure she was taking a photo of the car. What will I do if she reports me? I feel sick with stress. I know I shouldn’t have reacted but it was instinctive. No mark or anything on dc so I hadn’t harmed them but obviously none of it was great. I feel sick with stress wondering if they will turn up to the house and force entry.

Are you for real? The OP has explained the precise circumstances and frankly, I think she was heroic for not striking back much sooner and a lot harder!

Assuming OP is in England

Wow.

Why don’t you call social services with their address if you’ve seen the father coming out of the house you’ll have the address.

NSPCC isn’t really the best avenue social services have more powers and can contact school etc

Keep calm and think about this from the other side,

you ring social services and said. Was just in the shops and there was a child throwing a tantrum and her mum put her in the car and looked like she smacked her on the arm while putting her in the car seat. The social services they wouldn’t follow that up at all:

@Grammarnut thanks. I did do this initially but then saw them look absolutely terrified that they thought I had left and their eyes were wide and searching for me… I feel sick thinking about it. I had to go back round as I couldn’t bear it. But then obviously the same thing began again and they wouldn’t move

@Violinorbanjo this made me laugh so much thank you x (I’ve assumed you’re joking!)

Ages ago I called the NSPCC after seeing two what appeared to be unattended under 5's running round the car park at the massive Asda near me. One was bare foot and only wearing a nappy and a t shirt. I asked the older one where their mummy or daddy was and he said they were in the shop. NSPCC were pretty short with me saying they could do nothing without any more details. These kids were running round on their own in a busy car park and seemed in danger to me but beyond making that initial report there was nothing i could do. Anyway OP it sounds as ir you had a crap day that ended with this event, most us have been there, well I certainly have,best thing to do is to forgive yourself and put it down to experience, Hope you are feeling a little less stressed now.

I’m a retired social worker. Honestly, a stressed mum smacking a tantrumming toddler will not raise any alarms. There are clear thresholds for intervention and that just isn’t one. Please try not to worry.

It’s quite easy for situations like this with children of this age having tantrums to escalate and get the better of you. Afterwards you beat yourself up wondering why you didn’t deal with it differently. Most parents experience this at sometime with toddlers and it is something you just have to learn from.

You sound like you have really wound yourself up and you have to draw a line under it and make a strategy for next time.

If that person reported you, potentially the police could give your name and address to social services and they would call you. If that does happen then you just have to explain what happened and that the situation got the better of you! I really think you need to stop worrying and move on from it.

This makes no sense? Did the parents turn up instantly, or do you mean you left 2 young children running around a carpark alone and just phone nspcc after?
Surley anyone in that situation would take them inside whilst on the phone to 999.

if SS are contacted and they do track you down and you explain what happened and they do a welfare check via police (i doubt that for this sort of report) on your child and there are no injuries and no other concerns have been raised i suspect that would be all that was indicated.Just a phone call to check up.
It distressing when your child is lashing out in frustration ,its not right for you to lash out at your child pre emptively as im sure you know .Many parents have an experience like you describe at some point when overwhelmed.
I hope you have some support around you IRL and that you and your daughter are OK.

I cannot see what you did wrong @Mum2019mum

You clearly just kept your child safe during a meltdown!! This is completely normal parenting… social services aren’t watching you and wouldn’t care less. X

Surely you would just take the kids into the shop and call on the tannoy for the parents….
if no one came you’d call the police!!
You’re insane to think calling the NSPCC for this was the right thing to do. I wondered if you had kids when I read your post. I suspect not..

You're only human you reached breaking point id have sympathy rather than that horrible women making comments and taking pictures how horrible is she.
Ss will not be in touch move on from it .. even if they did ask them how they'd react being hit with a shoe etc .. bet they wouldn't be happy either.
Parenting is so hard at times give yourself a break x

Love. It sounds like a horrible, horrible time. Is it possible your DD is Autistic? Sounds just like getting my kids in the car- on the spectrum.

The thing is, the ability to make reports is important, and it sounds like you lost it in the moment- its not great, but it happens. Im sure it happens.
Its hard to not hit back when your kid is hitting you like that. I do think you possibly need some support.

I completely know what that situation feels like, after 15 minutes of faffing with my son outside the nursery a parent stopped to tell me how i should manage him better and if he knew I was upset I was just making it harder on myself. I told her that her opinion wasn't wanted or needed... she reported me to the nursery and I spent about a week waiting for social services to turn up because she obviously thought I was doing something wrong.

I wouldn’t stress about social services, but was this behaviour out of character for your children or have they behaved like this before?
Could it have been sugar rush from the ice cream? I think my main concern would be understanding why the children were behaving like this. In the circumstances I think you coped pretty well.

SS don’t just take your children it doesn’t work like that.

you are allowed legally in England to “reasonably chastise” your child and this is what many parents who do smack their children try and use this to hide behind.

it was a one off, isolated incident during a time of high frustration. If anything did ever come of it they would offer you early help.

Yes they can. Not that l think they would in OP’s case, but DVLA and other national/local government agencies can and do share information with other government bodies and authorities under strict data protection guidelines.

OP, this is not what social services are for. You won't meet any thresholds with responding to this incident. You kept your child safe and we have all been on the receiving end of toddler behaviour where the priority was making them safe and exiting stage right.

If it makes you feel any better, I was in our local swimming pool with DD when she was two and she did the classic ironing board posture as I tried to put her in the push chair. As this wasn't my first rodeo I applied very mild pressure to her hips with my thumbs, her legs bent and I quickly did up the straps. The parent of a kid I had taught before I went on mat leave who was a particularly difficult customer walked past and commented that this parenting thing wasn't as easy as it looked and I saw the funny side, laughed and so did she.

I also carried her out of the same venue under my arm like a battery ram on one occasion. DD was a lovely toddler but post swimming was tired and not always as reasonable as she was at other times. We've all been there, OP. Please, please, be kind to yourself and forget all about this. I bet your child will have.

Op it sounds as though dc was unwell, given you had taken them to the GP that morning.

That will be documented and you can prove it.

All parents know dc can be very difficult if unwell. Just explain they had been hitting you with the shoe and you were pre-empting another hit. You do need patience around young children but everyone has more challenging times.

Nothing… you tell them you moved the child’s hand off you because they were having a tantrum. They won’t care if the child is unharmed, healthy, happy etc.

To assuage your fear remember the threshold for removal is really high. Addicts and emotionally abusive people keep their kids all the time.

This, OP. The voice of experience. Thank you thatsabitastonishing. You are just what OP needs.

No it’s not like a criminal record and you don’t have to tell work.

I’m not a social worker but work in the vicinity of them and honestly OP, this pales in comparison to some of the things they have to deal with. Really heartbreaking, cruel behaviour towards children. I expect your local SS are really busy and are dealing with much bigger things, but if you do get a call it will just be a standard check.

Ive been there before though. I took one of my children for an appointment with the nurse practitioner once and she noticed a bruise on my toddler, paused and asked me how it happened. They looked at me as if I had done it. I remember going home in absolute bits.

It will be fine, honestly.