Feel sick with stress about social services, how likely is this?

[Mum2019mum]

Long story short, last Wednesday DC age 2.5 was off nursery to see GP. Routine thing and not unwell. It was too late to go back to nursery so I took them for ice cream as it was hot and to the park. When I stopped to post a parcel on the way back, they went absolutely crazy in the post office. Said they wanted sweets and I said no as had ice cream already etc etc. Screaming on the floor, refusing to get up. I was so stressed and embarrassed. Each time I tried to hold their hand they screamed that it hurt. After around 10 mins I lifted them to the car and they were kicking me. When I got then
into car seat they whacked my neck with their shoe (as in took it off and hit me), I took the shoes off them and they started pulling my hair, it was just awful.

Anyway, getting to the point… I was trying to
strap them in and they picked up the shoe next to them to which I thought they were going to hit me again so I whacked their arm back, I wasn’t even really thinking, it was just a horrendous moment. DC screamed and this women next to getting in her car muttered about it being disgraceful. She then stopped as she drove off and I am pretty sure she was taking a photo of the car. What will I do if she reports me? I feel sick with stress. I know I shouldn’t have reacted but it was instinctive. No mark or anything on dc so I hadn’t harmed them but obviously none of it was great. I feel sick with stress wondering if they will turn up to the house and force entry.

Honestly OP, SS are stretched to the absolute limit with very real and concerning cases of child abuse.
They wouldn't even give this a moments thought......

Can you record / film, send to police? That child needs intervention

You might get a phone call and that’s it.
Maybe write everything down factually as you have for us. Then send it in an email so it’s time stamped. If anything does happen you can say you’ve written it down at the time and this is what happened.

Very unlikely the women will even be arsed to report it.
However you need to be more controlled and careful in your manhandling of a toddler.Unintentional injuries can happen very easily when uou are engaged on a physical altercation with whst is not much more than a baby.
"whacking her arm back' with force whilst she is sitting in a carcseat (if ot happened the way i am visualising it) could have easily dislocated her shoulder.
Take this as a warning and work on controlling your temper-make sure you never react violently again.

I saw a man push his young child off his bike, throw the bike at him (missed) and hit him. They both ran off.
I phoned duty SS. I said what had happened, where and when and what school uniform child was wearing. Not interested as I had no name or address!
The bar for SS involvement is high!

Trust me, this sort of thing is very common and police absolutely will follow up if this is reported to them.

Most common occurrence, member of the public calls police to say that they have seen a parent hit a child. Police will check PNC, identify the owner and do a follow up visit with the child. They will talk to the parent and child (if old enough to be verbal), check home conditions and will probably share the information with children’s services who will most likely do nothing if the police weren’t concerned. Maybe a follow up call if parent wants support. Obviously if police are worried, then they would also take action but highly unlikely in these circumstances.

Having said all that, it was last Wednesday and you haven’t had a knock on the door so I’d presume she didn’t report it at all.

@yourewrongthenyoureright thanks. Do you mean from a car reg? I will be transparent if I’m asked about it I’m just exhausted from the stress

I'm a social worker and no, social services don't have access to DVLA records. Police could identify someone from a car reg but for something like this it wouldn't meet the threshold so they wouldn't do it.

OP as a social worker IF this was referred and I was following up the big thing for me would be the parents reaction to being asked about the incident. Obviously sorry and stressed like you are I would be looking to support nothing more.

Well it's not that they weren't interested, but what did you expect them to do without any identifying information?

@QuickWasp thanks. So if they were given the reg they would then assess whether or not to contact DvLA based on what was reported? I don’t know why I’ve spiralled with this I just felt at breaking point today. My dc is usually very chilled so it took me by surprise too

@Itsallsostressful thank you x

Your human, most parents have these days. Unless there is cause for concern social services won’t care, you know or you look after your child well. Forget about it and move on. Tomorrows another day

It is not illegal to smack your child, whatever anyone tells you. You acted to stop him/her hitting you. Had it been me I'd have walked out of sight in the post office and let said child scream. It would stop, guaranteed, because he/she wants to upset you. Next time this happens, wherever it is (unless unsafe, obv) walk away, or turn away and ignore the child. This is more effective than picking up a screaming child and will stop them becoming a screaming brat.

No-one can tell who you are by saying her/him

Don't stress too much about this. If you do get a visit just explain what happened and that you knocked the shoe out your child's hand. Even invite them to visit, you have nothing to hide.

It was a one off.

If social services for involved with every parent that lost their shit for a moment and reacted as you did they wouldn't be able to cope. It's not an ideal reaction but you're human and I assume most parents can remember times they'd reacted in ways they wish they hadn't. Give yourself a break, you're doing a great job, solo parenting is bloody hard work. Young children are very hard work. She tutted and forgot about it, it's easy to judge.

No you wouldnt need to report it to work, unless you were convicted through a court (literally impossible in this situation, for all they know it could be that the woman was annoyed you blocked her from getting into her car for a while while strapped DC in and did a malicious report)
Most likely even if the woman does bother to report it they wont go to the effort of tracing you if she accurately reports what happened.
If they do trace you they may offer a voluntary section 17 assessment which is there for support (if this is a regular occurrence with DCs tantrums they could be able to get some referrals done for support) but most likely you explain you knocked the shoe away as she went to throw it again and that it was a typical toddler tantrum and they dont go further than a phone call.

Yep, if it’s referred it goes to a ‘front door’ service who will make a determination on whether or not to progress it. I very much suspect that from what you’ve said it wouldn’t make it onto the desk of an actual social worker.

if it does progress they do have the facility to try and track you down from car details but the reality is here the effort in doing so is unlikely to be seen as a proportionate response to what actually happened.

Even in the unlikely event that it progresses this far a simple explanation to anyone who spoke to you would be more than enough to close the file. Social workers are human and they know that people can lose their temper and act out of character - this wasn’t a punch to the face or a shake.

Surprised at these answers,yes if she reports she saw you hit a two year old and the child screamed due to it. Then there will likely be follow up. This does not mean it will go anywhere, and if they are satisfied, which is likely there will be no further action. Honestly it’s a low bar these days, they will just check everything is ok and if you need support.

much of your post is justification, but from the lady’s perspective she saw a child in distress and a mother use physical violence. She’s not to know it’s thr first time, for all she knows your child learned hitting at home and you often use physical violence.

I’d report it to be honest. I understand you were at breaking point, but there is no stage for me hitting a small child is justified. None. Restraint, yes, but hitting them no, and if it was hard, which I suspect it as, as you used the word whack, then even more so

it won’t go anywhere. And I’m sure it was a one off. And I understand your reaction was to hit. But for me it should always be reported if we see an adult hit a child. Just as we would if we saw an adult hit an adult. A man hit a woman. It doesn’t mean further action is necessary, but we should aim to protect children as , as much as it’s not the case here, it could easily be this is the norm

I do think you are worrying about nothing. I'm not sure where you are but ss are so stretched this won't figure on their register.

sending unmumsnetty hugs. You’ll be fine. I feel like all toddlers go through a hellish stage of this. Ours both did. One time I was forcing mine into his car seat I thought someone would call the police it was so bad and in a public parking place. You’re definitely not alone.

I’m sorry, I mean this in the nicest way possible, the only thing you need to disclose is that you are currently suffering from extreme paranoia and anxiety to your GP and therapist.

This
As hard as it is OP, please don't over think this.
Your reaction isn't surprising given what you were dealing with.
Most parents have been firm with their children when required.