Not to try to salvage a relationship with my sister after years of disagreements about us being landlords?

[MoreProblems]

Over the last 15 years we have bought a few houses that we’ve rented out. My sister and BIL have made it known that they despise landlords and that they think we are terrible people for profiting from this. We have largely ignored their comments as we didn’t want to argue.

We started selling the houses about 5 years ago to fund a house move and to pay for our kids going to uni. My sister and BIL decided that was a good thing but that we were also still bad for having other properties. We couldn’t win so didn’t say much, just that it’s none of their business. They regularly bring it up and have a go at us.We have 2 houses left which we plan on selling and giving our children the money from to purchase their first homes.

My sister and BIL had a few drinks with us last night and really ranted at us, calling us selfish and out for ourselves because they said we are making people homeless yet again. I said I thought she’d be pleased that we would no longer be landlords but apparently not.

My partner eventually told them to leave, called them an uber and we haven’t heard from them since. He says he’s finished with them and that we have taken enough from them about this and other things in our life they don’t agree with. They do things we don’t agree with but we have never commented. It’s like every time we see them they are angry and have to criticise us. I am inclined to agree with my partner as I’m tired of it, but at the same time she’s my sister.

Would you bother to try to salvage the relationship or would you think enough now? I have tried to keep a relationship with her and have let a lot go in past years.

YABU - try to keep a relationship with her

YANBU - the relationship is over

For the relationship to be salvaged I think one of these things would need to happen:

Your DSis apologises for ranting and promises not to do it again

You accept that the relationship will involve your DSis making judgmental comments

Are they big debaters? Do they pursue many conversations around outlook and belief, and property ownership is just one?

I think it is a bit unfortunate that you engaged in debate / discussion about it, e.g you thought they would be glad you were selling, which immediately gives rise to “profit!” Etc.. Not talking to them at all about your business and grey rocking would (in hindsight) have been better from the beginning, once you knew their stance.

But as the PP says, we don’t know any of you, or your history and dynamic as sisters etc, so it’s hard to say.

How did you feel when your DP told them to leave?

@MoreProblems
Look, this has been going on for 15 years now??!!??
Quite simply they never thought your marriage would get it together and you both become landlords AND go about your lives in the right way
They resent youse and its gradually grown to dislike as borne out by the constant snipping whenever you've met in the past
Sod them you'll never get it right/do it right by them (15 years?) And even if you took a grenade for them they'd probably carp about the mess it made
For forks sake
You are truly better off without
Putrid resentment is not nice
And as for your relationship with them??
Don't ever waste time on anyone who's that hostile to you both

Your partner did completely the right thing by setting the boundary and having them leave.

I’d message her once, to say that you’re ready to hear her apology when she’s ready to provide it. If she then chooses not to then that’s her choice. You don’t have to pander or put up with disrespect.