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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bus seat deference to a nun

106 replies

Relightmy · 13/06/2026 12:39

On holiday overseas recently DH gave up his seat on the bus for a nun who got on at a later bus stop.

The nun wasn’t particularly elderly, didn’t look infirm, and DH is very much an atheist from a non-religious family.

When I asked why her given up his seat he had no explanation beyond “Well, she’s a nun”.

AIBU to think this was a curious move by DH?

OP posts:
AlgaeDreams · 16/06/2026 16:48

Thechaseison71 · 13/06/2026 12:51

Not really In Thailand for example monks are given priority on public transport. Nobody would dream of plonking themselves down and leaving them to stand.

And surely it's good manners for a man to give up his seat for a lady ( which the nun def was)

Hmmm I've seen Nuns on the Run.

Thankfully not for about 30 years.

AlgaeDreams · 16/06/2026 16:55

MurunBuchstansangursCousinRossiter · 13/06/2026 15:03

I’m amazed at how many atheists would do the same! I wouldn’t give up a seat just because someone was a nun, no.

Nun of that.

Neither would I for any thought of religion. In fact, I despise the Catholic church more than most other whatnots.
However, I would always offer my seat to somebody older than me.
I'm hurtling down that slippery slope though where someone in their 40s is going to offer me a seat 😭 and too right. Pip pip whippersnapper, my sciatica is running right down my butt cheek 😂 I mean, thank you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/06/2026 17:01

BauhausOfEliott · 16/06/2026 14:09

It's a bit odd to say 'He's just being chivalrous!' or 'It was good manners'.

The point isn't that he gave up his seat for someone who he believed might need it. The point is that he gave up his seat for someone solely because she was a nun.

Why is it polite to give up a seat for a nun rather than, eg, a doctor or a teacher or a farmer or someone who works in a shop or is a stay-at-home parent, exactly? What's special about nuns? They're just people who have decided to opt out of society to join an ultra-religious order. That's fine, but why does it mean they deserve a bus seat (or respect) more than any other woman of the same age and ability? I find that really weird.

If she's on the bus, she's not opted out of society and could easily be a sister still working within the community, in teaching, healthcare or social care.

If left to their own devices, the majority of sisters are still working until their late 80s and even when they 'retire' will still work in caring for other sisters who have dementia or other care needs. They're similar to farmers in that, they just don't seem to ever stop seeing things that need to be done and being prepared to put the work in themselves.

BauhausOfEliott · 18/06/2026 10:47

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/06/2026 17:01

If she's on the bus, she's not opted out of society and could easily be a sister still working within the community, in teaching, healthcare or social care.

If left to their own devices, the majority of sisters are still working until their late 80s and even when they 'retire' will still work in caring for other sisters who have dementia or other care needs. They're similar to farmers in that, they just don't seem to ever stop seeing things that need to be done and being prepared to put the work in themselves.

When I said 'opted out of society' I didn't mean she doesn't do anything useful; I just meant it in the sense of becoming part of a convent and living communally in that way. It was probably an ambiguous way for me to phrase it, sorry.

However, usefulness notwithstanding, I still don't see why that entitles her to a seat more than any other teacher, community worker, nurse, carer, farmer, or anyone else?

Literally the only difference between a nun in her 60s and any other woman in her 60s is the fact the nun has opted to be part of a convent, and as far as I'm aware that doesn't make her less physically able to stand than anyone else. The OP's husband didn't give her a seat because she was an older woman who appeared to require a seat. He gave it to her because she was a nun. The OP said he doesn't/didn't offer a seat to other women the same age, only to the nun 'because she's a nun'.

SixtySomething · 18/06/2026 19:44

UniquePinkSwan · 13/06/2026 12:56

I wouldn’t. What makes a nun so special? If anything that would make me refuse as I despise religion

"I despise religion"
How odd.

SixtySomething · 18/06/2026 19:47

AlgaeDreams · 16/06/2026 16:55

Neither would I for any thought of religion. In fact, I despise the Catholic church more than most other whatnots.
However, I would always offer my seat to somebody older than me.
I'm hurtling down that slippery slope though where someone in their 40s is going to offer me a seat 😭 and too right. Pip pip whippersnapper, my sciatica is running right down my butt cheek 😂 I mean, thank you.

"I despise the Catholic church"
Very sad.
Of course, I'm assuming I know why. But there's far more to the Catholic Church than paedophile priests.
For example, they're jolly good at conducting funerals, amongst other things.

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