I know I’m BU posting here but it gets the most traffic and I’m desperate.
Name changed. Long time poster and contributor (I go back further than the Mexican house thief and Pom bears and my washing sometimes gets ‘darked on’ - just to prove my length of MN activity.)
Thanks partly to the lovely wise women of MN and their/your advice, I realised that I was married to an emotionally abusive, communal narcissist. I don’t like labelling people but his actions consistently fit these labels. I’ve tried other ways of understanding him but these are the labels that always fit his behaviour.
I’m divorcing him. God it’s hard but zero regrets. Peace is slowly increasing.
My struggle is with my eldest DC. He is 14 and emulates some of his dad’s behaviours. He can be pretty aggressive verbally and is getting into trouble at school. He doesn’t respond to boundaries - just pushes through them. He will not talk to counsellors or support directly.
He has witnessed his dad lay into me and him verbally to control, manipulate and subdue, and has said ‘dad never gets any consequences so why should I?’
He doesn’t see his dad face to face (his choice) but is in contact with him. His dad has painted himself as the victim and is painting me as the abusive one. He spins the narrative to make him look ‘good’. There will be no accountability or repair from my ex, for me or my son. There will be no emotionally intelligent modelling from his dad.
My son isn’t currently talking to anyone about his experiences and won’t.
So, if anyone out there knows of any good resources or support for mums in this situation please please can you share?
Any courses? Books? Lived experience advice? Hopeful stories? Anything.
I’m very worried about this pattern of behaviour and very clear that I need to steer him well to avoid him being part of the problem.
I probably won’t share much more detail to maintain anonymity but would just be grateful for any steers you are willing to give me.
Thank you in advance. And thank you to the community here for helping me towards freedom.