Has anyone ever actually called a friend at 3am?

[BathroomShales]

We’re often told on MN that unless a friend will pick up the phone and support you at 3am, they aren’t really a friend. It’s just superficial.

But has anyone ever actually called a friend at 3am for support?

Also, assuming it must be something pretty serious for a 3am call. If so, I’d probably help out an acquaintance if they called at that time too.

It’s a load of bollocks isn’t it? And what’s wrong with a few superficial friendships if you’re getting good craic from them?

AIBU?

love Your mum. This is the mum I aspire to be

I had a friend who used to call me in the middle of the night crying and rambling. She had MH issues and her husband left her after she became increasingly volatile. We worked together and lived near each other and had become close before the shit hit the fan.

I was single and she had two young kids. She started slowly transferring her husbands role over to me IYKWIM? Putting me down as the kid’s emergency contact, asking me to pick them up from nursery when she had counselling appointments etc. The late night phone calls were exhausting, we had stressful jobs and being sleep deprived made it so much worse.

In the end I moved away and contact petered out. I really liked her but the friendship was totally one sided and was exhausting.

Yeah I thought this. I think this is partly dependant on who you make friends with and get on with- I can’t imagine being friends with someone who can’t get themselves to the vet, I don’t think I know anyone who’d need a lift

When I had severe pains around 30 weeks pregnant I called my friend around 1am, she drove to come and look after the kids while DH took me to hospital. But yeah I get your point- if someone has a genuine emergency then I’d help at 3am even if they weren’t a really close friend.

I once had to phone my sister who lived down the road after we had been evacuated from our flat in the middle of the night for a carbon monoxide leak after a nearby fire. Thankfully she picked up and didn't mind us turning up on her doorstep! I could never have my phone on silent or dnd just in case something happened.

Lots of areas don’t have taxis that run through the night. Our local taxis stop at 10pm unless you pre-book well in advance or it’s a weekend when they run until 11 😂

Genuine question then - what if none of your friends are drivers? I dont think I'd feel comfortable relying on that in an emergency. My best friend is a single mum with a disabled child for example, so she couldn't just drop everything at 3am and drive over even if she wanted to. I would imagine lots of people in other circumstances wouldn't be able to either if they have kids

Dont emergency vets come to you if you cant get to them?

Exactly and even friends with cars might not be able to leave their children at home alone at 3am to drive over to help you! I would imagine if its that important that people learn to drive

She also once got in her car in her nightgown with no shoes on to get me when I was walking home alone in the dark as a teen and was certain a man was following me!

Yes I have, when my young son was really poorly in the night and needed to go to hospital. My lovely friend came and calmed me down. She then stayed in the house with my sleeping daughter while I took him in. ❤️

I have. And I have been called.

The idea of not answering you phone at 3 in the morning is completely alien to me.

Well, if none of your friends are drivers then you’re a bit stuck unless the vet can come out to you - which isn’t always helpful depending on what’s wrong and what needs to happen.

Our local vet will offer transport but it’s very dependent on who’s available and what other emergencies they have going on.

Yes, when my father was dying. I tried to call my brother almost 20 times and he obviously had his phone on “Do Not Disturb”, it’s something he will always regret and one of the reasons I do not do it myself. So yes, I will be that friend who picks up at 3am!

I called our neighbour in the early hours as we needed to take our youngest to hospital (well, DH drop me and DS off there), leaving eldest (12) in bed asleep. We just wanted someone to know there was a child home alone in case of an emergency.

I probably have done this in the days when I used to drink and go out a lot. But mainly to talk drunken bollocks or to ask for somewhere to crash rather than real crisis stuff.

If a friend were to do it I would probably pick up but most of my friends are middle aged with spouses, children, jobs and who tend to go to bed early and get up early. I can’t imagine a scenario nowadays where it would be necessary to be someone’s literal first port of call on a crisis in the middle of the night.