Has anyone ever actually called a friend at 3am?

[BathroomShales]

We’re often told on MN that unless a friend will pick up the phone and support you at 3am, they aren’t really a friend. It’s just superficial.

But has anyone ever actually called a friend at 3am for support?

Also, assuming it must be something pretty serious for a 3am call. If so, I’d probably help out an acquaintance if they called at that time too.

It’s a load of bollocks isn’t it? And what’s wrong with a few superficial friendships if you’re getting good craic from them?

AIBU?

When my DD died I did exactly that, there are two other friends I would have felt fine calling as well.

Yes, I needed a lift to the PDSA when my cat suddenly started having a seizure at 2am.

As for the DND on phone - you can set it so that if someone calls twice in a row the second call goes through. It means random accidental stuff wont wake you up but people can still get in touch in an emergency.

I wouldn't answer the phone at 3am. It would be on silent

This has always baffled me as well, the favoured one for a while was "who would put you up for a night if you'd be stuck out on the street/who would you put up for the night" - and the answer there is basically anyone I knew even vaguely well enough to be reasonably confident they weren't going to burgle my house or sexually assault me.

If my friends were classified by "who would you call to help you clear out your wardrobe/paint your kitchen/rescue you from a flat bike tyre" it would be a much much shorter list!

Have only had late calls for support when family members have been very ill. In this scenario I am totally there.

I am not up for a rambling crisis chat in the middle of the night. I'm not a medical professional and I'm not going to be giving you any helpful advice when I can't string a coherent sentence together.

I called a friend once at 2am. We had a very serious gas leak and I needed somewhere to take the children. She answered and had beds made up for me when I arrived.

No and I think this is quite a teenage idea- “a good friend will pick up the phone at 3am!” In reality adults would never, or very rarely, need to call someone at 3am for support.

Being an adult is about holding it together until appropriate times and also showing a level of self sufficiency that isn’t always present in those intense teen friendships.

having an emergency where you need an action taken is somewhat different, but the phrase indicates the person should be there to support at 3am. Adult respect other adults need to be asleep at 3am.

No and I think this is quite a teenage idea- “a good friend will pick up the phone at 3am!” In reality adults would never, or very rarely, need to call someone at 3am for support.

Being an adult is about holding it together until appropriate times and also showing a level of self sufficiency that isn’t always present in those intense teen friendships.

having an emergency where you need an action taken is somewhat different, but the phrase indicates the person should be there to support at 3am. Adult respect other adults need to be asleep at 3am.

I've never had to, but a neighbour rang a friend of his in Holland once. The friend was concerned enough to email me immediately (we'd met before, but had only exchanged email addresses, not phone numbers) but this was pre-smartphone days and I didn't pick the message up until mid-morning, by which time the neighbour had already taken his own life.

I called my next door neighbour (we are good friends as well as neighbours) when my husband walked out on me in the early hours of the morning. She came straight over with a bottle of wine and we talked for hours. I then found out I was pregnant the following weekend. She was the first person I told but thankfully this was during the day!

My husband has been sectioned with psychosis and called all sorts of people from
hospital. He didn’t know what he was doing and wouldn’t remember it within 30 seconds. The people couldn’t help, it made no difference whether they answered or not tbh.

Yes, I reversed the charges too - this was clearly long enough ago that a phone box was still easily found! My handbag was stolen. She came and picked me up with my spare key. She also dropped everything several times to come and sit with me when my mum was dying and my husband was away. I’ve provided similar support for her over the years.

A friend called me in the wee small hours of the night, she had just had a call to say her child (adult) who lived overseas had taken their own life. I answered because she is a friend and something must've been awfully wrong for her to be calling me at that time of night. My DND allows me to filter calls that can get through even when it is set to on.

Completely agree.

I’ve never forgotten the friend whose response when I called her at 4am was only “it’s 4am”. Even when I explained I had been sexually assaulted, had run out of the party and was near her house but wasn’t exactly sure how to get there she just said “it’s 4am” and sounded very pissed off.

I’ve always been very clear with friends that if they need help at daft oclock then I’ll be there. Luckily I have another friend that is the same.

That said after hearing a commotion I’ve driven a neighbour to the hospital at 2am when their child was very unwell and their car wouldn’t start. I wouldn’t see anyone in need stuck.

I haven't made the call but I've received the call. I have no issues with this as a one off

Maybe true friends are those set as exceptions to the Do Not Disturb - I have some family members and a couple of friends. With elderly parents I couldn't risk blocking their calls when I set my DND, so when I added them to the exception list I added a couple of others too. I know the only reason they would ever call at 3am is if it was an emergency, and I'd definitely want to be able to answer if they need me. So maybe I need to ask my mates whether I'm an exception or not, see if they really like me!

Yes, friend called at about 2am, in very active labour very quickly and at 35 weeks. We were Military and her Parents were 2 hours away. I shot out of bed and round to hers to sit with her toddler so her Husband could get her to Hospital.
Another time when one of my charges Mums called ( I was a Childminder ) Child was ill and Mum was panicking and Dad was deployed so went round. Turned out the child had Swine Flu. She was alright within a few days, but I caught it and ended being blue lighted into hospital and into ICU. Was in hospital for 2 weeks.

We’re often told on MN that unless a friend will pick up the phone and support you at 3am

Who on earth say's this? Not something I've ever seen on here. I've got plenty of friends I wouldn't dream of contacting at 3am. My two best friends I would, but thats about it. Doesn't mean the others aren't friends,, just not as close as family.

I hope noone does ring me at 3am. My phone is on silent all the time with no vibration. I probably wouldn't see it until the next day.

A friend rang me at 3am years ago as she was distraught having just discovered her husband was having an affair. I was glad to have been there to listen to her in her time of need.

Genuine emergency fine. My friend was going through some really difficult stuff and struggling at night. I set my phone not to be silent for her number at night, and told her as much. Although she never actually used it.

Similarly 11pm call from neighbour with dying husband, I went straight next door and took the dog as requested.

I once was phoned at 3am by a friend who had been confiding in me about her abusive husband. She rang with a voice trembling and said the police were already at the house could I go. I left immediately in my PJ with ugg boots rapidly pulled on I left a 12 year old and a 6 year fast asleep and drove 5 minutes to her house. I locked the door behind me.
I arrived and ambulance and 3 police cars were there. Her husband had attacked her not enough for hospital but the house was wrecked glass smashed everywhere and the police wanted her and the children to leave the house and I got her and the kids into my car. I got her children to bed and sleep in my bed (the promise of a snuggly Labrador was enough and promised them I would look after mummy) I went back downstairs and two officers then came and took statements whilst I made tea etc at 8 am I phoned work and told them I wasn’t coming in and took all 4 children to school in a mismatch of uniform. I then returned with her to her house and it was like a war zone - he had destroyed it radiators off the fridge freezer smashed up etc and he was in court by 10 am that morning. It was a long hard night. I would do that for anyone.

I have called a friend at an unsocial hour and a friend had called me too, both in emergency/urgent situations. Luckily we heard the phone ring and answered.
I dont think everyone always has their phone on overnight or may not hear it and that understandable.
We have a running joke in our family that if we win the lottery jackpot we will ring (a list) of family and friends in the small hours,tell them we are in desparately in need of their help and could they come immediately and sit and wait (with champagne on ice) to see who turns up !

I have had a friend call me at 4am in crisis. It was really hard to deal with as I was hours away, but I did what I could, and they are a true friend to me and i was glad to help. It was extremely stressful though.

I had another friend call me at 1am when someone she thought was breaking into her house. I advised her to lock herself in her bathrroom and phone the police.