AIBU to want to visit a friend without her dog jumping all over me

[Twizzletoe]

One of my closest friends has a dog that is around 3 years old. Every time I visit or just stop to pick her up when we are car sharing it is a nightmare. She struggles to open the door because he is barking and wiggling. Once inside the house he continually tries to jump up on me and barks so loudly. If I’m just picking her up I now just tend to message that I am waiting outside as I find it so unpleasant.

So my question is, is it unreasonale to expect to walk inside and not be jumped all over?

Completely disagree that it's unreasonable to ask that the dog is put in another room. A trained one yes, not one that is all over you and where it's clearly unwelcome.

Next time you're asked I'd simply say, "that would be lovely but is it possible to put Rover in another room. I appreciate he's just excited but I really don't like being jumped at. No worries if that's a problem, happy to meet you at Costat". If the answer is not in the immediate affirmative then you know you are dealing with someone who has no intention of training their dog properly.

My friend used to train guide dog puppies so I am sure that if they jump the word is off (not down, that is lie down) and you turn your back, they do not get your attention and facing them if they are jumping. You fold your arms oo and keep your back to them.

This might help when you arrive but I would be completely honest about how much you dislike it. I know a dog trainer on Youtube (Victoria something used to be a tv program called me or the dog) basically trains the dogs that you won't open the door unless they are sitting and more calm. These are older dogs too who have been doing this a long time, not puppies. Dogs can be trained but a lot of people cannot be arsed.

Urgh. No YANBU. I don’t want a dog jumping up and pulling at my nice clothes

A well-trained dog will have the manners not to do that. It's your friend's fault for not training him.

She should put him in another room because it's polite to make your guests comfortable, but I bet she won't. Dog owners like this never do.

I have a relative with dogs like this, but who are also actually incredibly well trained for shows, they just get super excited when people visit!

So when I go, I deploy my best Barbara Woodhouse* and command them to "SIT!". Only then do I fuss them. If they jump up, I ignore/command again.

But no, of course YANBU for not wanting jumpy dogs.

(*I like to keep my cultural references bang up to date! 😆)

You are being unreasonable. Just don't go in. If the dog was anywhere else, you would be perfectly reasonable but he's in his owner's house. Her house, her rules. Why don't you communicate with her, just be honest and say you're not keen on the dog. Let her offer to put it in a different room if that's feasible. For many dogs, it wouldn't be so it is unreasonable to ask.

Why would it not be feasible to be in another room, do you think the dog would be just as excitable when the door was then opened?

No children go there any more! My nephew was bitten on the face so brother and SIL haven’t been back since.

Sounds like the dog should be put down!

The trouble is if she’s so lacking in awareness and empathy she’s likely to not handle the request in a reasonable way.

I politely asked a really close friend if she could not let her dog jump up at me and she sulked for the whole visit. That’s how defensive and inconsiderate many dog owners are. Ask. But be prepared for her to be a total dick about it.

Because it's cruel. A dog may be unimportant to you but it still has feelings. Locking a dog in a room when it is not used to being locked in a room will cause distress and confusion. That in turn may cause damage as a distressed dog might scratch to get out. Most dogs would bark incessantly if locked in a room when they're not used to it. Dogs don't understand that you don't like them or that you don't share their enthusiasm for them jumping around and being friendly.

As I said previously, it's their home not yours. You can't lay down the rules, that's just plain rude.

Yes & bark/whine & scratch at the door...

just say you'd love to see her at yours or out, that you don't want her dog jumping up at you. It's her choice what to do about her dog.

Raise your knee before he gets to you; I don’t mean knock him off when hes already on you, I mean lift it as he approaches so that if he does jump he can’t make contact because your knee is in the way.

I’ve no tolerance for being jumped on.

Training dogs relies on visitors to also do the same thing.

Turn your back on the dog and stop and stand still and give no contact, no verbal etc - completely no reaction at all.

The dog gets a reaction from yourself when they are calm and quiet.

I have dogs and I love them to bits, they’re trained to be comfortable with boundaries, and being in another room if I need them to be without me.
A well adjusted dog shouldn't experience panic because it's asked to settle in another room, it was one of the first things our dogs were trained to do. If a dog barks incessantly, scratches doors, or can't cope with being separated from people, that's a training issue. I don't agree that guests can’t ask for a dog not to be in the same room, they could have allergies, they’re scared of dogs etc. I agree it’s the dogs home but it's also the owners responsibility to make sure anyone visiting is comfortable and, more importantly that their dog can cope with visitors. If a guest is uncomfortable around dogs, allergic, elderly, or doesn't want a dog jumping on them, putting the dog in another room is reasonable. My dogs know they're dogs, they don't run our house, they don’t jump on people and they don’t get to be a nuisance, setting boundaries with dogs isn't terrible, it's part of being a responsible dog owner for their sake. It’s not cruel asking a dog to settle without the owner in a room, if a dog needs medical attention and needs to stay in the vets that would be a huge issue if they can’t cope without the owner present.

@Twizzletoe we have numerous dogs, labs that live in our home, working dogs that live in a barn and retired military dogs (malinois). YANBU to expect to walk into someone’s home and not have dogs jumping on you, it’s not difficult to train a dog not to jump on visitors and settle in their own space.

Turning your back won’t work with all dogs. Some will just continue to jump and jump because ultimately they’re still managing to get closer/higher than they were before. For the best results the dog needs to be heavily reinforced for NOT jumping/four on the floor or sitting and not everyone has the timing to do that effectively, or the inclination.

If the OPs friend isn’t going to address the problem then the only option she’s got is to take defensive action by making contact impossible.

I’ve had coats shredded by dogs leaping and scrabbling with their claws while I do the “turn your back” method.

i think I just have to bite the bullet and say exactly this

This drives me mad.

A family member has a massive dog & when you knock on the door, he goes absolutely wild barking and jumping. They used to open the door and let him jump on me and the kids. Now they hold him, but they’re struggling too because he’s so big

I once screamed and turned around so he would jump on my back, rather than my face & someone said ‘great example you’re setting to the kids’.

Oh, so I’M the problem?!

Why yes OP - why not give it a whirl?

They absolutely will jump for a short while but all will calm down if you stay still for a while.

Some will stop after 1 minute.
Some will stop after 10 minutes.

All will stop. This is exactly what the dog needs. It needs to know that it doesn't get rewarded for this behaviour. Ignoring negative behaviour means it will decline as the animal gets no reward for it.

It does it at the moment as it gets a reward (attention) for doing it.

What would 'addressing' the problem look like to you?

Of course she’s not going to be called a dog-hater. Where did you get that idea from?

OP, even dog lovers don’t like this. Responsible owners train pups from very very young not to jump up or invade space. It’s really very easy to do. I’d be explaining to your friend very clearly why you can’t visit her.

Agree, plus badly behaved dogs may ruin your clothes, scratching and slobbering over them . Have no issue with well trained dogs but they seem to be in the minority.

It can never be good behaviour for dogs to jump on visitors and pester them. It’s the owner’s fault for not training them properly.

Absolutely....what do owners do during training periods....? Are they classed as bad owners during the training process while the puppy is still learning?

Are all dog owners bad owners until the dog is fully trained?