I don’t know what to do.

[Howisthisok1]

i work as a TA in an inner city primary school. Three weeks ago, the children went on a residential to Wales. I opted not to go. A few days ago, one of the girls told me she’d left her accommodation on one of the nights and slept elsewhere with another group. I reported this. Her parents were called in.

The following day she told me she was angry, because another girl had done the same but would not be getting into trouble. I told her she should report the other girl. She then told me that three of them had gone to the DSL to report it and were told ‘keep this to yourselves, you are too late to report it - stop throwing others under the bus.

AIBU to think this is totally wrong and you never tell children to keep quiet about safeguarding?

Edited to add he did tell the girl she could bring it up at her forthcoming meeting but that he did not wish to be involved.

Two girls switched pods but only one girl was found out. One girl left her pod alone at midnight I think and went to another pod to collect another girl and both walked to another pod. One of the girls stayed there the night (she is the girl who got into trouble) the second girl walked alone to yet another pod and stayed there the night but she did not get into trouble because no one reported it. When the three girls finally decided to report it they were told to keep quiet.

Ten/eleven years old. They slept in pod type accommodation on a Welsh camping centre in a large field with 6 to a pod. They walked out in the middle of the night and one girl was alone so yes it needs to be dealt with.

I am not in a union.

No not at all. Girls left pods and went to sleep in different pods during the night.

You’ve done what you can OP. If you push the issue now when the HT and DSL are both telling you to leave it then you will get pushed out yourself.
It would be different if the girls had come to any harm but they didn’t

Exactly this! They were already aware of one child leaving her cabin. Then three girls went to report a second incident to the DSL. He said it was too late to report it, why throw others under the bus, keep it to yourselves and something about him not wanting to get involved. The girls told me what he’d said. I asked them over and over if this was correct. I went to H/T and repeated everything. She told me DSL was correct about it being too late to report as it would not change anything. She said she’d speak to the girls. She hasn’t.

if you had read all the comments you would see that I immediately reported to H/T within the hour. I did not tell the children to go report it thenselves. They had already reported it to the DSL. They told me his response. I went to the H/T to relay everything. She backed the DSL.

I really hope you do not work in a school with attitudes like this. You have totally missed the point. Absolutely nothing to do with sneaking out in the night. It is the DSL telling children to keep quiet and not report a safeguarding incident. If your ten year old child told you she had been wondering around a field on her own on a school trip in the middle of the night would you seriously think it was ok? Is it really ok for a DSL to tell a child to keep something serious to themselves? Wow!!!!

There should be a 2nd DSL - a deputy DSL. Report to them. They have a duty to report. They are also part of the safeguarding team so should report the DSL and HT too along with the original concern.

"Is it really ok for a DSL to tell a child to keep something serious to themselves? Wow!!!!"

No but maybe not considered serious. No harm was done, kids do that sort of thing all the time and nobody died.

The girl who told you was daft to do so.

Exactly, messing about like that is half the fun of school trips

I don't understand what outcome you're after here. Do you want the girls to be told off? Or the DSL to be told off by the head? Or the head to be told off by an even higher authority?

. If your ten year old child told you she had been wondering around a field on her own on a school trip in the middle of the night would you seriously think it was ok?

Well, yes - isn't that all part of a group camping trip, and to be expected? I did the same on every Girl Guide camp and school trip as a kid, there was never a rule against it.

I don't think the issue is the girls wandering around in the night, I think its the DSL telling them to drop it. However I think if I wasn't on the trip I wouldn't pursue it further. All kids do this on school trips. I'm not sure how the the teachers could stop it from happening in the night when they themselves are asleep. We had a school ski trip abroad when I was 13. Age range of kids was 13 to 15. One 14yo girl got out of her bed at night and went and had sex with a 15yo boy in another room. A 14yo girl had a holiday romance with a 19yo ski instructor. Alot of those things shouldn't have happened but besides locking the kids into their rooms I don't know how they could have stopped it.

@samysungy typically you go to the LADO as the next step if concern is about the head. You can’t go to DDSL. It has to keep escalating.

Does sound like some covering of backs and unfair on the child being punished.

Anecdotally, we might all think that it seems over the top based on our own feelings/experiences of sneaking about on school trips. However, we didn’t know the context e.g location, SEND need, proximity, risk assessments etc. there might be an ill established culture around safeguarding procedures. All of which is important to challenge. 9/10 safeguarding follow up may be something of nothing. I get that it may feel extra. But that’s safeguarding, to protect against no regrets.

Absolutely this (DSL for 6 years). It’s not for you to investigate, it needs to go straight to LADO with the facts laid out.

Have you written a CPOMS yourself containing the factual information? E.g.X told you that Y had been out of their pod on the residential. X said they had spoken to the DSL already but was also letting you know. You said thank you for the information and that you would have to let other adults know.
Action: also spoke to the DSL

What did the DSL say to you when you reported it? Were you told to forget about it?
While you do need to trust children do better aware that it could get twisted (e.g. leave it with me could appear as the DSL saying forget it/showing a lack of interest).

Also join a union immediately.

Sorry I back stepped! Wrong post

Totally missing the point. That being a DSL should NEVER tell a child they have missed an opportunity to report something. What about if she is assaulted in the future and keeps it to herself as she was told last time! Shocking thing to tell a child.

As usual it's probably the cover up that that's worse. If I were the parent I probably would not be worried that my child had gone to another pod (depending of course on the circumstances) but I'd be very worried if the school was covering it up.

I know and I am absolutely petrified. The last person who spoke up had to leave. She could afford to leave. I am a single mum of three children but I know it’s my duty. So many posters telling me I am being ridiculous and it isn’t report worthy. I feel so confused.

I haven’t tried to investigate. I have just listened to the girls and followed procedures so far. I am absolutely terrified of the outcome and repercussions as last person had to leave and was totally ostracised.

Scenario - A girl is inappropriately touched - keeps it to herself as that’s what she was told to do last time. The responsibility has been put onto her to keep the other child out of trouble. Whilst she herself had a big dressing down and parents brought into school. Her dad is a police officer. They want to keep the second incident quiet because it looks bad.

I don't think this is serious enough that I would risk losing my job over it. I get where you are coming from entirely but personally I would drop it now.

Have you had your safeguarding training? This is either a whistle blowing procedure now and it needs to go above the DSL, or going above to the Head (or a governor) the DSL has acted wrongly and needs to be called out. It’s a very serious issue.

Is this what happened?! Please report this in line with your schools procedures for safeguarding / whistle blowing. The DSL isn’t fit for purpose.

I find this deeply concerning and I have had regular and updated safeguarding training.