AIBU to force DD (15) to go to school for all of "doss week"?

[porridgewithsalt]

DD is 15 and in Y10 in England at the local comp. This week at school is what I call doss week. Years 11 and 13 have exams still, and Y12 has work experience. Y10 and below have doss week.

Doss week is a special timetable week that includes the year's annual requirement of RE, two half-day sports days, a biology field trip (half day) and visitors coming into school to do stuff. It actually all sounds quite good.

Some kids are away on expensive trips abroad this week including one of those "raise £3k to go and "help" poor people in Africa" ones. DD is not on any of these trips. Some of her friends are.

Doss week is done in form classes. DD's main friendship group is split across different forms. One of these girls is in her form. There are two other girls in her form who she is friendly with.

DD and the three girls mentioned above in her form are the only girls in her form class who were in school today apparently. The boys are apparently all awful and she has nothing to do with them. The three other girls all have permission from their parents to skip school on Wednesday, and DD is asking me if I would allow the same, as she is dreading being alone all day. She won't even have anyone at lunch apparently as the wider friendship group are all on trips. She asked me at the weekend and I said no. She's asked me again today.

I have said to her that I am annoyed that she is being put in a shit position because other parents are allowing their children to bunk off. I have told her no but that I would reconsider (ie come and ask Mumsnet!).

Attendance is 100%. No illness due to good fortune; some authorised absence for competing in sport at a high level. She is somehow predicted straight 9s but doesn't seem to do much study. She's a good kid. Out of school she only really does her sport. She socialises a bit with friends but not awkward and isn't very socially confident. She originally told me she would spend the day doing some training for her sport (not hanging out with the others interestingly) but she has now added that she has some tests the following week she would revise for.

AIBU to force her to go to school on Wednesday?

YABU - ffs sounds awful; let her stay off

YANBU - force her to attend school on principle

Ahhh it’s one day let her have it off

Unclench and let her have the day off ffs. Jeez 🙄

Yeah if she’s normally a good kid with good attendance (which it sounds like she is) then I would let her!

Mental you have to ask this on here. Let her stay off of course.

I’d let her have Wednesday off, the programme for the week sounds awful. I suppose the SMT have a rationale behind it?
I write as someone who taught 38 in secondary education. ( and yes I did deserve a medal 😂)

Tell her you’ve reconsidered because she’s an exceptional student and you couldn’t be happier with her, so this one day off is the least she deserves.

She’ll be delighted to know that she’s earned it.

I would let mine have a day off under those circumstances, and have done in the past.

A lesson for life, there will be times you go into work where there is little point, for example.

Send your child in.

These weeks used to be good fun. She can go in. It won’t kill her.

There’s always the same point everyday of going into work - because you get paid to do so!

One day off school wont make her a work shy lay about. Adults get paid to go to work and most people have pulled a sickie at least once in their lives.

I’m normally pretty hot on attendance but our schools ‘doss’ week was similar and my dcs didn’t end up going in. After making the mistake of telling one dd to go in, her first day was dire so I let her off the rest of the week.

I made it conditional on them doing productive stuff during their days off which worked out really well. Walks, room tidying , baking and art or reading and they did appreciate it.

Would absolutely let my DD have the day off in these circumstances (and tbf have probably let her have the day off for less 🤷‍♀️)

i’d make her go tomorrow and make it clear she’s going Thursday and Friday but say if she comes home tomorrow absolutely certain Wednesday is going to be a total waste of time I’ll let her stay off.

I would make her go in. I wouldn't call it 'doss' week. Think this demonstrates to her your overall opinion on education and you sound a bit weak.

Part of growing up is that you get to steer yourself away from pointless and miserable activities. Learning where to put in effort and where to cut your losses is really important. Sounds like she’s making the right call on Wednesday off.

I’m usually strict about these sorts of days, but in this case, DD went in as she was supposed to, it was horrible, and her friendship group are staying home—so I would allow it. The pupils shouldn’t just be messing about—these enrichment activities should have supervised structure; unfortunately it doesn’t sound like that is happening.

Of course she has to go. It’s still school, getting on with people outside of our friends is a vital skill. She is not sick.

Yabu sorry, let her rest x

If you call it doss week no wonder she sees attendance as optional.

Oh, lighten up OP.

She does have perfect attendance so far, so hopefully that's not the case. I agree, I wouldn't call it "doss week" myself. But, in these circumstances I would let her stay home, on the understanding that it's a one off.

DD did ‘work experience’ for my BIL (who has a service company). Actually, we went on holiday. A number of her friends did similar work experience for family or friends. So missing a day of doing nothing hardly seems damaging to her educational outcomes/career prospects.

My DC has a real phobia of rides in theme parks- gets shocking motion sickness. In his year 10 ‘doss week’ it was a compulsory trip to Alton Towers. It was the only time I phoned in sick for him. Do it.

Using my teenage self as a yardstick, I'd be wondering if it's true that her friends' parents have actually agreed their daughters can have the day off.