AIBU to think care homes need more age-appropriate entertainment?

[myislandhome]

My MIL is 91, born 1935. She has recently gone into a care home. So far, all of the entertainment in the home has been so dated - lots of WW2 focus, songs including roll out the barrel and white cliffs of dover etc. I do realise it's currently the D day celebration but it hasn't been just this weekend.
It's driving me mad, MIL was 10 when the war ended. She was in her 20's in the rock and roll era in the 50's. My own mother, who was in a nursing home until she died, was born in 1940 and had the same experience in her home; despite being in her prime in the late 50's/swinging 60's
AIBU to think that nursing homes need to up their game with their entertainment themes?

Totally agree. I was born in the late 70s and I would want 80s music, perhaps some 60s and 70s too..

Nice choices!

My partner (60something) and I (50something)will be mainly hoping for Stiff Little Fingers and Bauhaus.

I've been saying this for ages about the music in my DM's home. She's 87 so more interested in Elvis, Tom Jones, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, not Vera Lynn!

It must vary according to the facility. My DM's home has had a Queen tribute and the 'original' Shawaddywaddy this year.
Having said that, DM was recently singing "We'll gather Lilacs in the Spring Again" (1945 apparently) despite her favourite artists being The Who and The Rolling Stones, so I think there is something in those saying as we age we find comfort in long held memories of our childhood/ our parents.

It drives me mad. My dad is 88 but there are 60 yr olds in his care home who love Oasis and Radiohead. My dad isn't too much into old war tunes. He liked Elvis and Sky. But lo and behold..today their usual singer is back doing wartime favourites..

I remember a musician friend who was entertaining in a care home, started with "We'll Meet Again" (old WW2 Vera Lynn song) and an old man shouted out "Fuck off! I was at Woodstock!"

This is absolute genius! It could have different wings for different genres. Or, if you wanted it a bit more cut throat, it could be like a high school common room cd player - whichever group gets in first gets tonplay their music and then they carefully coordinate their timetable to make sure one person stays beside it at all times so no one else can change genre.

You are not being unreasonable. My lovely father in law was in his early 80s when he was in a care home due to having Alzheimer’s. He didn’t recognise much but if you put on stuff by elvis or the kinks he sang along. He didn’t know all of the older stuff from WW2 that they seem to play at these facilities

My MILs nursing home was pretty good - Elvis, Bobby Darin, a sprinkle of later big band style stuff. It was also the most expensive home I’ve ever come across, which may be connected to- absolutely brilliant staff.

My mum is 81 and not in a care home - but grew up listening to the Beatles, Roy Orbison and Simon and Garfunkel. Vera Lynn and war songs for that generation are 20+ years out of date.

Agreed. My friend occasionally does care home gigs and she started a few years ago with a bit of Pasty Kline and Frank Sinatra but says ABBA, Fleetwood Mac and a bit of Whitney always goes down well now. She also does 80s party night gigs in clubs and bars and says there’s not much difference in her set lists anymore!

Should I ever end up in a care home, I want Motorhead and Cards Against Humanity, not Vera Lynn and beetle drives. And heaven help anyone trying to subject me to a display of Scottish Highland Dancing! 😣

There does seem to be a lack of understanding that seniors are not a hive mind with one set of preferences.

Previous posters are spot on that old = ww2. I see people online who call for respect for the elderly because 'they fought in the War' as they haven't got the ability to see that applies to very few living people at this point.

I also agree that pensioners are seen as one big mass when the age range can be huge between one pensioner and another. A 68 year old and an 88 year old would have had very different lives. It is obvious that a 20 year old and a 40 year old would generally have different tastes but it somehow becomes difficult when people are older to see that difference. People see pensioner and imagine an old war widow shivering in front of a fire and not one going to the gym or the pub or even a festival.

Totally agree. It makes me cringe when I see some of the 'entertainment' that is rolled out in care homes. I'm getting on a bit now at 62 and I sometimes think if I ended up in a care home, heaven help me. I have no interest in singing roll out the barrel or white cliffs of Dover,give me a bit of punk,new wave or glam rock!

It's far too common, but definitely isn't universal. My dad's home almost 10 years ago had one of the lounges done up as a 1950s diner, playing appropriate music. And when we were looking at places for my stepdad 5 years ago I always checked the playlists in the entertainment book, and found a fair bit of Elvis, Beatles and Englebert Humperdink.

I agree, I pointed this out at a family members care home. The 2nd world war generation are mostly gone now. He's 85 and likes music from his youth, 50s and 60s stuff.

HNRTFT but I totally agree with you! I am a nurse and have worked in a care home for a couple of years . Great care but the activities are unimaginative and I spoke to our manager a few days ago about the ‘entertainment’
If I hear another DameVera rendition I will scream!
My mother would have been 94 if she was still alive. She loved ABBA,Queen,Les Mis ,Rod Stewart oh and INXC😂
Finally I have been listened to and it’s all going to change!

My FIL is in a care home. They had an abba tribute act recently. He wants to go home though , as he doesn't feel ready to live with "all the old people" (hes nearly 90)

I was thinking about this while watching the show The Boroughs. There's a scene in a retirement village, specifically the dementia ward, where someone's put in there who shouldn't be and to escape he starts a karaoke singalong of a Bruce Springsteen song. And all the old people are going nuts for it because it's their era. It really stood out to me because you never see that on TV, elderly people getting age appropriate music instead of stuff from long ago. It shouldn't be so unusual!

And even older people won't necessarily want to be reminded of the war or the "good old days". In the 1980s, my grandmother (born in 1898) lived for a while in a retirement village where they created a "memory garden" of olden days stuff. She couldn't understand why anyone would want to look at "a blooming old mangle" when automatic washing machines existed :-)

I agree mostly! But we have a fab care home locally.
It's got a room that's decked out as a pub (all panelling and a bar). Fish and chip Fridays happens in there as well as twice weekly pub quiz night. (Which residents are asked to run the quizzes if they fancy it). They have a mini bus and go out at least three times per week, think garden centres, local summer fayres, cinema trips etc.
they have an entertainment co-ordinator, they do family quiz nights, proper art classes, knit and natter etc. and a few of the guys got them to use the mini bus to drop them at the local pub for an hour.
I've already told my DD if I have to go in one that's the one I want!! As you can imagine though, it's a very very expensive place.

Let alone the fact that I'm sure many of the older generations have bad memories of the war and this is just bringing it up again as if it's the good old days

I agree. My dad lost both his brothers and my mum her best friend. They hated any reference to the war. Thankfully neither had to go into a home.

Ha, my ex has young-onset Alzheimers and is in a care home at 60. Her youth was the 80s on but she still gets memory actuvities based on the late queen's coronation etc.

We thought this too when my dad was in a home recently. It was just constant Vera Lynn. He was a young kid during the war, that’s not his era at all. It’s as though we got an idea of what ‘old people’ enjoy and then just stuck with it, despite it not making any sense as time has moved on.
The 1940s would have been more my grandad’s era, but I’m not sure he would have wanted constant reminders of wartime either, it was a pretty traumatic time for lots of young men.
I would raise it if you can, hopefully they listen!