Would you move? Or not? I’m so torn need to decide asap

[princesspeppax]

posting aibu for traffic …

Currently live in the house I grew up in, with my own family. A much loved and cherished home which holds lovely memories of growing up and my own DC growing so this is making the decision much harder, would love outside opinions.

We are both early 30s, working with 3 kids 11 and under for reference. We would be paying similar price monthly for all bills it would only be moving costs that we need to finance.

Pro’s for moving -
Bigger property - DC would all have own rooms
Driveway (current house can be difficult to get a space as small car park for many houses)
Larger back garden which is more private
one car is hybrid so could charge on driveaway which we cant currently do

Con’s of moving -
Expense and hassle of moving - flooring, blinds, removal van etc
new house has a much smaller kitchen but rest of house is larger
kids have friends in neighbourhood (but new house is same town so would remain in same school) and hopefully make friends
i’m emotionally attached to this house and would miss it
our current neighbours are lovely no idea about new ones

I dont know if its just because i’ve grew up in this house or not but would love honest opinions …

Definitely move for the bedrooms. Autistic teenage boys sharing a bedroom is not an experience you want if it can be avoided !

Town is small, catchment for school even smaller hence the reason for not widening search. Kitchen was done as was well over due and falling apart this increased the houses desire so no issue there. We are happy here now but we weren’t sure another would be an option - it just popped up and its peaked our interest, there is less than a handful of 4 beds in this part and the last one was over 8 years ago when it became available so not sure when if ever another would come available. We probably would need to move in future if not, or boys would share forever not sure how that would go but likely need to then widen our search area but while they are in primary school its not something i’d consider at the moment

reason for similar prices is our house and garden is ready to walk in decorated and completed to a high standard, new house is more of a do’er upper but more cosmetically and garden/driveway would need a good bit of work. Probably less than 5k unless we run into any major issues but other than that financially very similar monthly costs

piqued

You need to look to the future, particularly if one of your sons is ASD.

Movement helps self regulation. Can the new garden have a trampoline without irking neighbours?

Puberty. Will your sons still be able to share a room? Probably not.

Re ASD son. I know it’s early days but do you think he might or might not live independently and to what degree? Will the new, larger garden allow space for an annex for your son if the need becomes apparent?

Parking. After a week of easy parking, you won’t know yourself.

I know your sons share a room now but what happens if DD doesn’t go to university elsewhere?

I would bite the bullet and get the move done now while a good option is available.

New garden would definitely be to have trampoline and maybe in the future an annex / extension if ever needed. Current house that is not an option and never will be.

ASD son manages ok but has toileting issues but as he gets bigger and older if the toileting issues continue he would definitely need his own privacy and space. Not sure if he will live independently or not as an adult as he’s still young so does require a lot of support.

Moving would obviously mean the children would have a room available into adulthood if needed while, during or at uni etc while they saved but that’s quite a while off

The drive way and individual bedrooms would clinch it for me I think, but I understand how emotionally difficult it would be moving. Would you be selling/buying?

It sounds like it’s a rare opportunity that ticks all the boxes (less the unknowns about the neighbours), and you would need to move at some stage.

As your kids get to puberty your existing house will soon feel (to) small I think especially if you have one with additional needs.

A drive is a huge plus. Especially once your DC start becoming more independent/learning to drive.
Although you've got the emotional attachment to the house via your parents would they have wanted you to stay for ever?

Sounds like you are mortgage free now/will be if you moved

If you haven't even put your own house up for sale you are a looooooong way from being in a process le position, unless the market is red hit where you are. So you might be in for a bit of a slog.

Put your house up for sale and keep looking.

We moved when the children were 4 and 7. We gained an extra bedroom which Dh used as his office to wfh a decade before Covid. We gained a double garage which we converted into a giant playroom with a whole wall of storage to be able to put everything away. The children already had their own rooms at the last house but the last house had a lounge open to the dining room and the stairs were off the lounge so we had children running around.

This house has a separate dining room and lounge plus that playroom. We gained a drive large enough for 3 cars, the last one only had space for one. The playroom meant Ds2 could be playing in there whilst Ds1 who was at secondary could do his homework with his laptop in the dining room away from the noise of his 8 year old brother. Think ahead as to how this will look with all children adult sized. As I have sons they were adult sized at 13/14.

How it is now, Ds1 graduated uni and is living at home and working from home 3 days a week. We divided the playroom in half so each child has their own gaming room study. Ds2 is away at uni but when home he is doing his uni work in his study. That space means they are not just holed up in their bedrooms. Their bedrooms as a place to sleep. Both my sons drive but don't have a car yet. But if they did they would need somewhere to park their car.

We bought this house because we knew it would grow with us and our changing needs. Always plan ahead, we moved originally for a secondary school place, we just jumped early as the right house came up.