“That’s what your 20s are for!”

[KookyHen]

So, I’ve just been on an AMA thread where the OP is talking about her two children who have been able to get onto the property ladder, with their respective partners, in their early 20s.

I’ve noticed a few responses along the lines of “I would never have wanted to do that” / “I was living a colourful life!” and “that’s what your 20s are for!”

My POV is that everybody is different - we all value different things and live our lives accordingly. In my mind, living a colourful life/not settling down until later - or even ever - is a valid choice! And settling down/putting down roots quite early on is also a valid choice!

But now I’m genuinely curious as to others’ views on this…

Are you like me, and see both paths as valid choices (regardless of your preference)? Or do you have a strong view that one path in your 20s is better than the other for most people generally? If so, why is that?

What path did you follow? Was that best for you, and why? Or do you regret the path you took at all? Really interested!

FWIW, I haven’t lived a hugely colourful life (i.e travelling/partying), but didn’t settle down straight away (as in marriage/house/kids). I did these things in my early 30s. This was more due to finances/circumstances than anything! I’m quite a homebody and, had circumstances allowed, I would have perhaps settled down/put down roots a fair bit earlier!

You go abroad and work your way around for money. Its only a small minority of people who just get to "travel" aka lying on a beach and partying. But the notion you need money to travel in your 20s is ridiculous. You just get jobs, same as tou would in the uk

If I could have traded my colourful twenties to build equity, home and family, I would have. That wasn’t feasible in the economy of the time, and property prices were advancing ahead of me. I had a lot of fun times but it wasn’t what I would have chosen.

But when I did get to down to bring up a family, I knew how good it was. Dh was also happy to leave his single life behind and throw himself into family, and I think the shock of parenthood when you’re young and feel you’re missing out can lead to issues.

Either is right if that’s what’s right for the person. I had my parting days at uni, as much as I call it partying, many wouldn’t, that’s just not my style 😂

I met DH just before I turned 23 and were bought our first home at 24 and married at 25. That was right for me and him and I wouldn’t have changed it.

Everybody has their own path to follow. I enjoyed my 20s and settled down much later. On one hand we had fertility issues that we might not have had if we had a family sooner but also now my daughters here I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I’ve done my travelling/ partying etc and feel very content

... and you do away with the notion of having a permanent address. It's just a different mindset from buying a house and then going on lots of holidays, is all. You get work to fund yourself wherever you are, then go somewhere else and do the same.

My take is that people want different things and should live the life they want to, not the one they feel they should.

I do think for some people it's a case of not knowing any different, but some people are genuine homebodies who want to settle down.

I bought my first property at 24. Thatcher era you basically bought as soon as you got a job. It had nothing to do with settling down - what’s the difference between having rent and bills and having mortgage and bills? If you wanted to relocate you could always sell, or rent out your place and rent wherever the other place is. I generally moved every couple years, once to another country. Owning didn’t stop me from doing that .

Kids I agree but owning a house doesn’t necessarily tie you down. (Unless you want it to)
Often mortgages are cheaper than rentals so you are more likely to have more fun money than renting. Plus you can do what my dc did which was to rent his house out and live abroad for a period of time.

Yeah I grew up on a south London council estate on benefits and still managed to travel the world - I was just paying for it by working not using up some trust fund. Brexit has ruined it for a lot of people but it was easy in the 2000s.I left London aged 18 and never looked back.

I did a fair amount of traveling before getting married and having children, but I’ve never wanted to go out to nightclubs or date a lot of people. Although I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22, I have ADHD, and anything with lots of noise and activity gets overwhelming for me fast. I feel very lucky to have met my husband when we were teenagers (although we didn’t get married until we were 26 and 27). I’d rather sit with him on a nice lake beach and have random conversations than be around a bunch of loud, horny people in a room with flashing lights, and I’ve always been like that.

Times have changed. With COL. Student Loans. The cost of buying property and astronomical rental costs. And with AI, a lot of jobs will soon no.longer exist

Are teen pre University people still going on Gap Years. They seemed to be mandatory a few years ago.

I personally would not want a mortgage in my early twenties. And would want to see life. But often times the Economy will dictate our choices.

So it is not so clear cut.

It's a much harder thing to walk away from. It's likely to tie you to a bad job, unsuited area or a bad partner. For sure, if you're smart about it, it can give you freedom, but most of those people, your son included, probably have the financial freedom not to get stuck anyway. We bought a tiny flat at 28 with a tiny mortgage at low interest which gave us the freedom to try risky career moves, but by that point we were certain of our relationship and had already moved abroad so knew staying in that area was the right move. You have to have a lot of spare cash to be able to rent a house out or to sell within 5 years.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, just whatever is right for that person. I partied and travelled in my late teens and early 20s, was married at 26 but didn’t have kids until I was 30 and 34. In the early years of our marriage we had a lot of fun, did some lovely holidays, festivals etc. I don’t think settling down in your early 20s means life is over at all.

im in my early 40s now and the kids are more independent, we can pop out for a couple of hours and leave our eldest at home. Our youngest will venture out to the field behind our house now and play football. Pros and cons to both id say but certainly there is no right or wrong way.

This is interesting to me. I stayed in my hometown, was unexpectedly pregnant at 20 and had all my kids by 24. Those kids are now young adults, with thr youngest staring their final year at uni. My eldest is a home bird and works in a job locally and lives at home. My DS did a year at uni, didn't like his course and came home, and is working locally. I have two still at home, and moved to a bigger house last year, partly with a view that they're not going anywhere fast.

Whilst I was a bit wild as a late teen, I was definitely very settled by 21, we got married, bought a house and quickly extended our family. I probably did feel I was out of step with my peers who were building their careers and travelling and having adventures.

Now, however, I have got my degree as a mature student, plus higher qualifications and have a professional job with a good salary. My energy levels are pretty good and I can mostly do what I want, we have holidays a few times a year, sometimes we take the kids, sometimes not. I have hobbies and activities in the week and go to the gym regularly. We love live music and will travel to concerts and make a weekend of it many times a year. I look at people a similar age who have under 5s and think, not for all the tea in China would I want to be there again. Society may not be constructed to support young parenthood, but biology certainly is!

None of my kids are showing any signs of selling down in a relationship and it feels very far away that they would be able to buy a house.

Interestingly my niece is the same age as my eldest. She finished uni last year in one city, moved to another city for a grad scheme and is buying her first house with her partner (also 22) currently. I would like my dcs to have a bit of fun in their 20s, and don't think home ownership is the be-all and end-all. But I respect that they all have to find their own path. I'm comfortable for my kids to stay at home as long as needed, but I wouldn't be giving up my career or my own time to look after grandkids etc.

I qualified as a lawyer at 22, had a mortgage at 23, married at 24 and first DC at 26.

I spent my teens/early 20s practically living at Bagleys and the Cross, i DJ’d and podium danced at club UK. I took a year out and travelled round SE Asia ending in Perth where I worked on a ranch. I did a ski season in whistler.

I spent my late 20s and early 30s living in multiple countries on three continents. Building a career, traveling having more DC.

my late 30’s I built a company and sold a company. I built a community project, I helped my DH build his company.

in my 40s I’ve moved into a calmer space, watched my eldest DC fly the nest, initiated a couple of big projects, taken on some board roles.

there’s not much on my bucket list. I’ve got few regrets and had some amazing experiences.

pretty much every month I meet someone who gives me a proper MN head tilt and implies that I must have had a very quiet boring life as I settled down “so young”.🙄😂

People can take whatever path they want. There's no one size fits all template for life.

You. Can rent it out and rent another near where a decent job is. My partners daughter bought a house, lived in it for 6 months ( 9 years ago) and moved to Asia for work. The tenants are basically paying off her mortgage

When I was in my 20s I had no desire to travel because I was such a homebird. The thoughts of leaving my family would make ms cry.

I had my children in my 20s, got our dream home age 30.

Mid 30s now and sometimes its tough and I feel I didn't enjoy my 20s enough. But would I give this all up - no.

Parents have now died. When I'm 45, DC will be in uni and I intend to travel then. Of course DC will always have a home and security, even if I'm travelling.

I agree OP. Everyone is different.

I find it weird that this stereotype of what you 'should' be doing in your twenties is so entrenched given it seems incredibly recent - for the vast majority of human history it was hardly the case that you were wild and free up until your 30th birthday (if you even made it that far!)

I imagine it might have differed slightly around the country but my parents were in their twenties in the 80s and they and all their friends still got married very young - their first holiday abroad was their honeymoon. At the time only a small proportion of people went to uni. While I'm sure there were a fair amount of young professionals in London etc. living the Yuppie lifestyle (who are probably over-represented on MN as it skews very middle class) that wasn't representative of the vast majority of people throughout the country. Just look at the ONS birth charts - 1989 average age of first child was 25, the vast majority of women who had children had them before they were 30.

At most we're talking two generations where things like travelling extensively and living in flatshares with friends etc. was anything like 'the norm' for the majority of the population.

Married and mortgage by by mid-20s, I consider myself very lucky to have gotten to do all my growing up, travelling and enjoying life alongside my best friend for so long. We are also in a more stable financial position from having two incomes for most of our adult life. We may have moved a little quicker than otherwise we would have done just because I knew I had two health conditions both of which would make it harder to have a family, and for both of us we very much knew that that was what we most wanted in life so we prioritised that goal early in case it took a very long time to happen. I consider our lives happy ones, we get along great, we can afford to do what we like to do with our lives and while we did both live with flat mates, go to uni and travel before we met, neither of us considers those experiences particularly positive ones compared to the fun we've had doing those same things together. However I would never ever judge someone for choosing a different life path, doing these things earlier, later or not at all if that is what they feel happier doing.

Sorry all - life got in the way of coming back to this thread. I’ve caught up on everybody’s posts now. Very interesting to read everybody’s thoughts and experiences!

A lot of posters have made the very good point that buying property isn’t necessarily “settling down” - homeowners and families still go travelling! And even those like me who don’t find extensive travel appealing are living their best lives on their own terms (holidays, days out, new experiences etc.). It’s not “be a free spirit or be boring and miserable!”

It’s been interesting to see the paths people have taken and whether or not that was a conscious choice or it just happened that way. I was struck by the poster who mentioned growing up on the breadline and the need to build stability in the way of a mortgage for that reason. I had been thinking of personality largely influencing choices, but of course experiences during your formative years are going to play into it too.

I think I was originally thinking of two twenty-somethings poles apart - the traveller who doesn’t want a mortgage just yet, wants to go off the beaten track/visit lots of places/work different jobs to fund those travels which are not the standard 9-5 vs the person who has a very stable job, gets on property ladder asap, stays in same place, works towards marriage and kids asap etc. - and the attitudes others may have to these very different approaches. It seems there are a lot of people like me with a “whatever makes you happy” attitude! I think another poster said in similar words: the world would be very dull if we all wanted the same thing!