“That’s what your 20s are for!”

[KookyHen]

So, I’ve just been on an AMA thread where the OP is talking about her two children who have been able to get onto the property ladder, with their respective partners, in their early 20s.

I’ve noticed a few responses along the lines of “I would never have wanted to do that” / “I was living a colourful life!” and “that’s what your 20s are for!”

My POV is that everybody is different - we all value different things and live our lives accordingly. In my mind, living a colourful life/not settling down until later - or even ever - is a valid choice! And settling down/putting down roots quite early on is also a valid choice!

But now I’m genuinely curious as to others’ views on this…

Are you like me, and see both paths as valid choices (regardless of your preference)? Or do you have a strong view that one path in your 20s is better than the other for most people generally? If so, why is that?

What path did you follow? Was that best for you, and why? Or do you regret the path you took at all? Really interested!

FWIW, I haven’t lived a hugely colourful life (i.e travelling/partying), but didn’t settle down straight away (as in marriage/house/kids). I did these things in my early 30s. This was more due to finances/circumstances than anything! I’m quite a homebody and, had circumstances allowed, I would have perhaps settled down/put down roots a fair bit earlier!

But, but... money?

How do you indulge in this magical, mind-altering fun if you have very little in the bank and no bank of mom and pop to fall back on?

Does parenthood in your 20s not alter your brain for the better too?

Or building a career - does that change the brain at all?

I'd like to see the scientific studies that support what appears to be your contention that only the comfortably off British version of 20 something life results in optimum expansion of the mind.

Buying a house doesn't have to mean not travelling and not having fun. It might be a different time now, but I bought a house in my 20s, partied and had some great travel experiences. I do get that all things were cheaper then.
My son is currently saving and still seems to have an extremely busy social life and visits plenty of places.

I tried and tried but just couldn’t afford any kind of a deposit for a house a flat or anything else so I partied in my twenties. But if I’d had the money I would have bought as soon as possible. I was simply priced out.

How to do it without money? Plenty of ways. But they only feel acceptable in your 20s. After that you start feeling like you want more or you get accustomed to comfort, and you cant go back.

I've enjoyed being a mum more than anything else, more than being free and partying, more than education and career. I don't know why some people find it so hard to accept that some of us are happiest being settled with children.

So you're definitely not the kind of person I'm talking about, who has a mortgage at 22 because they haven't realised there's another way to live.

There really is no one size fits all way to live, what is the perfect life for someone is a hellish one for someone else. So live and let live.

I moved around a lot in my 20s and lived abroad most of the time, returning to the UK when I was 30. Met DH, got married and then had kids at 35 and 37. I wouldn't say I planned it exactly like that and would never set myself as an example, it's only how things worked out for me.

And for me (which is different for everyone):

In my early / mid 20s
I was mostly single
I wanted to explore, to follow my career and travel dreams and put myself first
I had no interest in buying a house or having kids
I would actually have been horrified to become pregnant and was careful to avoid it (as were all my friends). I did not know if I wanted kids at all, although I definitely wanted to fall in love and was quite lonely a lot of the time.

I only had the urge to settle down when I met DH and was in my early 30s,

I definitely had an interesting life and really enjoyed doing what I wanted and living in different countries. I cannot imagine not having done that. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it as a path. For me, I wanted the freedom of doing what I wanted. I did feel lucky and loved living in beautiful places, meeting new friends and experiencing a life more interesting (for me) than the country where I grew up.

The downsides are

Financially - I didn't get a decent job or mortgage til later so didn't make money on property like many of my peers did.

Support - the great friends I made in my 20s are spread out all over the place, so I didn't have a community of local friends and family, and had to start again. My parents are also older and I am now supporting them while raising teens and perimenopausal.

There's no one right way to do it.

I would definitely not be advising any of my DC to buy a house with a partner in their early 20s, in fact I would be secretly horrified that they were tying themselves to one person and one location so young.

I was engaged at 22 and married and bought our own house when we were both 23. We got married 2 days after my husband graduated. We were married for 5 years before we had our first child through choice. All done by aged 30.
My eldest met his now wife when he was at uni and now lives in Oz. My youngest met his partner in 6th form and bought their house when they were about 25/26 having lived together since graduation.

Live and let live! As long as you are happy with the consequences of the decisions you make, that is all that matters. I’m not really sure what people mean when they say you should be having fun in your 20s. Why does owning your own home change the level of fun you have? I find it odd and it gets really tedious listening to people’s assumptions of me so I no longer entertain it.

I bought a house at 21 with my childhood sweetheart - shock horror! 😂

I went to university and hated partying (it felt like a pointless waste of time) but loved socialising so I have some amazing memories doing nice things with friends/ family. Getting drunk at a sweaty bar is my idea of hell but I have definitely joined in to celebrate friends over the years.

My life has been so so full and fun! Not sure what I’ve missed out on really? Owning early just means I am mortgage free at 32. I have still travelled the world throughout my 20s and now my 30s.

This is so judgemental.

If people are happy, they're happy. Who are you to critique their choices?

Personally I had my children at 16,18 and 24. Moved out at 16 and got a mortgage at 23 ( rented before this)
everyone’s different but this is what I wanted to do and I’m glad I did life in this order

I chose the live life to the full, travel, have adventures during my teens and early 20s but did also study and have PT jobs throughout.

I'm sooooo glad I did this, took a year out to work around different countries, my degree involved living abroad. It was amazing, worked and played hard.

Bought my first property with partner at age 28, both very early on in our careers, but that didn't mean we had to settle down into a boring lifestyle either. We went away a lot, partied with friends every weekend, still lived our fun lifestyle while working FT.

We knew we wanted DC but weren't ready until early 30s so it a big culture shock in the ttc process.

Everyone's different; some want freedom and spontaneity, others are more home birds and prefer to have a family younger, stay in the same area etc.

I don’t think this is what the OP meant. I qualified as a nurse at age 21 and worked full time during my 20s. Didn’t get a mortgage though because I didn’t want to settle in one place for a few years. I wanted to live in different cities, see new things etc.

You can work and not want to be tied down to one place.

This. I couldn’t afford to travel the world in my teens and early 20s as everyone on Mumsnet seems to have done. Had a baby in my mid 20s and worked hard to save for a house and mortgage.

I think anyone can afford a house in their early 20s is very lucky given so many young people can't even find a job. So much for living it up. They're just sat in their bedrooms with no money.

I couldn't afford to live it up despite having a fairly decent salary for the time. I had the odd week's holiday or weekend away and that was it.

I am always surprised at the concept of "qualification leave" in the legal profession where trainees go travelling for six weeks when they qualify. There's no way I could have afforded to take six weeks' unpaid leave!

I suppose it depends on personality type. If the opportunity to get married and buy a house had come up in my early 20s, I would have taken it because it would have seemed exciting, but it would have been a disaster. I wasn't ready for domesticity and that steady sort of lifestyle. I probably would have done a moonlight flit and turned up in Mexico 18 months later or something.

My parents got married and settled down very young (19 and 24). My adventures would be their ordeals. They like every day to be the same and to be in a routine. They stopped going on holidays abroad as soon as my brother and I grew up.

If my stepdaughter announced that she was buying a house with her partner at 21, I'd be delighted for her and I think she'd be very happy. She hates change, she doesn't crave variety or excitement.

If it was my daughter, I'd be very worried. She's too like me. She would go mad if she settled down without trying everything.

I got married at 22 and had dc1 at 24. No regrets but I sometimes wonder if I'd had children later then I would have been able to cope better with the harder aspects of parenting.

I envy some of my friends who settled young and now have adult children and go away for weekends and holiday at the drop of a hat while I still have a school age kid!

I hopped on a plane and moved to Spain- I'd heard of a circus group who went away all summer, and had a bit of land and a few decrepit caravans they let people live in for nothing. No electricity or running water. When they got back, they told me about an abandoned shack by a river, just one room, with an outdoor kitchen. I had to buy gas for the cooker, that was my only bill. I managed to make a £1000 tax rebate last me the whole year.

Then I moved further south and got a job in Gibraltar in an office, it was a bit of a change of pace. I earned quite a bit and it went a long way because I was converting it to Euros (£1:2E back then) and spending it in Spain which had a very cheap cost of living.

I had a blast.

Neither is “right” or “wrong”.

I partied a lot, travelled, had a fairly wild youth. I didn’t have a child until I was in my late 30s but I did work very hard and built a career. It was huge fun and I wouldn’t change it but it wouldn’t have worked for everyone.

I will say though that I think in general getting married young (and I would define that as 25 or under) is almost always a bad idea.

Very young adults lack the maturity to know what they want in a relationship, emotionally, sexually, intellectually. It is very easy to become trapped with someone because you wanted to shag them when you were 19 and then find yourself with two kids and a mortgage, hating your life five years later. Without any real work experience behind you you can be in a real trap.

I’m sure people will be along to say they got married at 18 and are still in love etc. I am sure it can work out but at that age its really hard to know what you want with no experience or comparison.

I bought a house young. Had kids and ‘settled down’ but it was 30 years ago and tbh most people did same but I’ve had a career. I’ve travelled I’ve had fun.
Like the thread the op refers to my dc bought their houses in their twenties. . Both have traveled extensively around Asia, Australasia, Europe, Africa and South America . Both before and after buying their houses . They have lower bills than when they rented and have significantly more pin money.
And we also live in North!!!
The idea that buying a house in your twenties creates some notion of having settled is ridiculous.

Even if you don't want to travel or go wild not tying yourself too early gives you the option to try things and make mistakes. Partners, neighbourhoods, jobs, hobbies etc. You can make changes after a mortgage and kids, but it's not so easy and risks you narrowing your world so much.