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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think choosing a second child with an absent father is selfish?

127 replies

Havemechippytea · 06/06/2026 07:34

NC for this because outing. My cousin admitted to me last night she’s pregnant again with her on off boyfriend whom she’s now dumped because she “has always wanted two kids” and I’m shocked. I don’t know if I’m being very judgy here but I’d have thought the wellbeing of the existing child should come first and you shouldn’t just have more kids with a crap father because that’s what YOU want?

I almost understand having one child with a crap bloke as they may not have realised what a useless father he is or desperately wanted a child, but AIBU to think going on to have a second with a useless/absent father is very selfish and not good parenting? Or do the benefits of a sibling outweigh the impact of a useless father?

I suspect I’ll get flamed so got my tin hat on.

OP posts:
HiEarthlings · 13/06/2026 13:43

Sartre · 06/06/2026 07:57

This is going to turn into a benefits bashing thread unless you come back and say she works in a really solid stable well paid job or came into some mass inheritance OP.

There’s an innate biological desire in some to have at least two children. The premise almost definitely is one as a back up incase one dies, going way back when anyway but it’s stuck. It’s sort of engrained in western culture now to have two. She wanted them to have the same dad, it’s as simple as that.

I have two (now well and truly grown) children and I most certainly DID NOT have the second one as "back up in case one dies"! What a disgusting thing to say!

Anarchy99 · 13/06/2026 16:10

HiEarthlings · 13/06/2026 13:43

I have two (now well and truly grown) children and I most certainly DID NOT have the second one as "back up in case one dies"! What a disgusting thing to say!

That’s why the poster pointed out that it possibly stemmed from ‘going way back when’ . She’s not accusing anyone of doing it now.

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