AIBU to think choosing a second child with an absent father is selfish?

[Havemechippytea]

NC for this because outing. My cousin admitted to me last night she’s pregnant again with her on off boyfriend whom she’s now dumped because she “has always wanted two kids” and I’m shocked. I don’t know if I’m being very judgy here but I’d have thought the wellbeing of the existing child should come first and you shouldn’t just have more kids with a crap father because that’s what YOU want?

I almost understand having one child with a crap bloke as they may not have realised what a useless father he is or desperately wanted a child, but AIBU to think going on to have a second with a useless/absent father is very selfish and not good parenting? Or do the benefits of a sibling outweigh the impact of a useless father?

I suspect I’ll get flamed so got my tin hat on.

Historical MN posts should do nothing if not educate that siblings are not necessarily a benefit and, in many cases, a source of strife and conflict.

It’s difficult isn’t it, I don’t want to be judgemental to those who choose the sperm donor route nor indeed homosexual couples who I’ve no doubt can be amazing parents, but like you the older my family gets the more I recognise the importance the roles of both mother and father. It’s one thing when life changes, but setting out knowing a child will be denied that…I don’t know, I just don’t think it’s ideal. But I know no one can promise or achieve perfection.

As a country, we are very conflicted about people having kids. On one hand, there's a panic about the birth rate dropping like a stone, on the other, women are judged left, right & centre for whatever 'wrong' circumstances they give birth. At some point, we will have to make a decision.
I know this is a general answer to a specific question but I think it's relevent: do you want more kids or only kids born into a rigid framework laid down by the great & the good?

The panic about the birthrate dropping is driven by the ever dwindling supply of tax payers. The unpalatable fact is that these babies need to, eventually, be net contributors rather than the other way around and being born into less than ideal circumstances probably makes that less likely

Well she should have asked his bloody permission first I would say.

Absolutely, It’s hard enough finding young people that are fit for work now. I think that will only get worse.

Having kids is selfish?

Well people don’t do it to contribute to a future workforce. It’s purely to satisfy some biological urge to continue their genetic line.

Parents and children get financial support and mothers get legal protection from the government. Some of those children will take out more than they put in throughout their lives.

So it’s not like it’s an act of sacrifice. This thread alone illustrates that some women feel their desire for a baby overrides any practical considerations about that child’s future.

We’re genetically programmed to want to reproduce, same as every species on the planet, because otherwise wed cease to exist. Reproduction is the basis of life on earth. That said better to do it with a man who’s not a useless lump.

Better not to do it when you know the circumstances are a bit crap but there you go.

We have evolved far enough societally at least that we don’t all have to do that but I guess some people’s biological urge is strong enough to override practicality.

Isnt right
Yet the amount if woman on here in really unheslthy relationships is? Just for it to be " right"
Not falling iver themselves Rather able to do ot all themselves...moronic post.

Get ya flamethrowers out

I think it can be, and typically is very irresponsible when people do this sort of thing, yes.

However, I have noticed a theme recently with regards to women having children with men that they are no longer with / leave soon after. I think it's about independence. Similar to using a sperms donor, I think women do this sort of thing knowing the man is unsuitable as a partner/father, but choose to have kids knowing that they will go it alone. A lot of women seem to be having an awakening that raising children alone can be 1000x better than raising them with a man, certainly if he is an unsuitable one. She is financially stable and seemingly emotionally intelligent enough to know that she wants 2 children. I dont think this is the same as just recklessly having kids with a deadbeat that they hope will change and will be happy with.

Of course, that does happen - a lot. But as stated, ive noticed a trend towards women choosing to parent alone in this way. Not the best choice for the child in my opinion, the best choice would be to have kids with 2 loving parents. Just not always possible.

It’s about the desire to have a child, not about what is best for the potential child. Nothing wrong with bringing your kid up alone.

I wish some women would actually consider the life they are going to give them.