Eating through my daughter

[rachelsroses]

I was desperate for my daughter not to have my disordered eating that I’ve made her overweight by buying her all the things I don’t eat.
I have orthorexia and I buy all my forbidden foods for my daughter and now she is overweight.
I eat a healthy meal while she is at school and make a plate of my forbidden food for her for when she gets home.
I know it sounds ridiculous but I’ve only just realised what I’ve been doing and now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want her to have my restrictive diet but I also don’t know what is normal eating.

The likelihood is that OP has a serious eating disorder and needs professional help. I think it’s not helpful for people to post weights,BMI or body descriptions.
OP, you’ve taken the fist step and recognised that something is seriously wrong. Please get help. If you can’t get a GP appointment in the coming days, contact BEAT or contact BEAT anyway. They have lots of support and resources. Your daughter will be fine - but she needs a healthy mum to navigate her through the teen years. You have time to turn this around but please get professional help. It will be hard but watching your DD flourish will be worth it.

I agree. Nevertheless, women’s clothing have different dimensions and some aged 13-14 clothing (eg M&S school uniform) is enormous and fits many healthy 16 year olds. Size 8-10 adult women’s clothing is not designed for a tall 9-10 year olds. I have an incredibly tall niece, and while her legs go on forever, she still has a child’s physique. I’m a size 8-10. It’s an adult, post-puberty size.

I know, it isn't about being horrible, it's about being honest. Being honest is coming to be seen as unkind, it's being honest. Obese posters are told straight on here and by doctors. When, in the 80's we had, cabbage soup, 1000 calories, diet coke diets, no doctors were speaking out against it. I know many women my age who are paying for the lack of thought towards their bone health. It takes your mobility away. Eating with family/friends is a big part of life. My friend sits on her own for most of Christmas day because she can't eat and can't be around food. She doesn't go out for birthday/engagement etc meals. She can't risk going out when it's icy, she can't stand the cold, but can't breathe in heat (long term anorexia causes heart/lung issues). As said she's constantly exhausted, has constant headaches. The long term consequences of anorexia on family relationships isn't talked about enough at the point when things could be turned around. We've got a plan in place for the day one of us knocks and she's dead, how her son wants to be told etc, she's 58.

Please don’t comment that the child is overweight by your standards as some posters are doing. No one should be weighing and measuring their 10yo daughters who are fast approaching puberty, let alone confirming the OP’s distorted perception that her child is overweight. So many posters brag about their dainty daughters and it’s sickening.

The OP needs urgent help and also needs to understand she’s not being a good parent, she’s actually abusing her poor child. I really hope outside agencies are involved.

Maybe not so much for the daughter or a severe life long anorexic and a man who only eats pizzas alone.

Being honest isn’t effective either way. If Telling someone they’re going to starve themselves was effective anorexia would be easy to cure

Let’s not beat around the bush here. Anorexia is a terrible disease and it kills people. Once you’ve seen someone having to be force-fed under a section it does somewhat concentrate the mind. This isn’t eating that is a bit disordered. The OP is on a path to absolute self destruction if she doesn’t get proper help soon. People on here talking about her getting dieting advice for her 10 year old are not really helping.

Go to your GP and get proper help. This isn't something you can fix yourself - it's very damaging to you and your daughter.

This isn't about the daughter. No one should be discussing her weight, bmi or what she eats. The OP is anorexic and needs help. Comments like this are feeding her eating disorder.

Im the height of 10/11 year old (4'10) and weigh similar to OPs daughter. Obviously im an adult woman and post puberty but im not overweight.

Ironically I used to be anorexic so I do feel chunky but its not an outrageous weight.

The eating situation sounds very strange, does no one ever eat with anyone else? It seems unusual a family living together ate no meals at all together - what about weekends/breakfasts etc, and how does the partner have no idea....about what either of the others eat?

But agree OP needs urgent professional help. And possibly her daughter. Unfortunately not all GPs are sympathetic, and nhs treatment can be a lottery. if funds allow i would look at private options.

That's a very serious eating disorder and you need to see a doctor.

It's also astonishing that your husband hasn't realised that your eating is as disordered as this. Surely he's with you at weekends? What about when you go out? It sounds as if perhaps he might have some food issues of his own tbh.

Honestly, you need to see your GP and tell them everything and get a referral for therapy.

Hi there.

If you're struggling with eating disorders or know someone who is, Beat offers support and information for those affected. You can find them and other mental health resources on our Mental Health Webguide.

Thank you for the kindness and support you show to one another; it really makes a difference.

Best wishes.
MNHQ.
💐

Im confused about how it all works too, surely the OP’s husband realises she can’t be eating anything substantial as there’s no actual food in the house for her to eat? Unless she’s throwing food away to make it look like she’s had a proper meal.
But surely they must have weekends/annual leave etc together and he’d notice that she’s not eating.

What could he do though? Living with an anorexic person isn’t simple.

I know, but the OP suggests that he isn’t aware of her eating habits. I think he must be, he just doesn’t know how to tackle it.

Agree.

The good news is she isn’t very overweight, as my 10yo weighs that much, but he’s tall, nearly 11 and plays sport endlessly, he’s a very healthy weight. So it’s very important you act now to fix it. The most important thing to me is that you both eat a healthy meal every night. I don’t care how much you don’t want to eat it, no one wants to wake up every 40 minutes to cuddle your baby back to sleep but we do it. Sit down at the table, remind yourself this is your daughter’s future, take a mouthful and chew and swallow. Repeat. Don’t make her finish the bowl but she needs to eat half to 3/4 and dessert is only fruit if she hasn’t finished it, unless it’s a special occasion. ‘If you’re hungry you’d eat your dinner’ is the line to take.

Agree. I think the whole family could do with some proper guidance. DD is overweight and potentially eating very unhealthily, OP is severely restricting her diet and her DH is on the fast track to type 2 Diabetes, or worse.

The whole family needs proper guidance - and yes, that includes her DD if she’s overweight as a result of eating all the things OP can’t. If DH is only eating pizza and snacks it won’t be long before there are consequences to that too.

I was going to say the same thing. If you don't mind sharing, what is your BMI? Are you underweight?

I'm so sorry, it's a horrific disease. And one of the signs is actually being very interested in food and feeding others.

He either is aware or similarly impacted by ED and in denial.

@balabusta we really don’t need OP telling us her BMI

As others have said, you don't have othorexia, you are very clearly anorexic. Not eating for days in a row isn't 'clean eating' it's NOT eating. Please do see a doctor and get some help. That's actually more problematic than your daughter's weight gain. But of course you're going to struggle to feed her appropriately when you very clearly can't do that for yourself either.

Of course she is, she says she weighs less than her 10 year old daughter. Unless she's 4 foot 6, she's underweight.