When a tragic event happens in the uk, are the victims’ families told what to say publicly?

[Watermelonsugar44]

After the recent tragic event in Southampton, and previous incidents in Nottingham, Southport etc. there seems to be a common “script” which the parents or families of the victims use when addressing the public.

This usually includes a sentence around not stoking community tensions etc.

Are they told to say this? It feels almost managed now…like there is a script or something. It is such a coincidence that this is always included.

Parents that don’t comply, eg those of Rhiannon White, do not seem to get much in the way of publicity or attention by the government, whereas those that do comply get more.

Listening to Henry’s dad’s powerful speech, which showed his anger at the 2 tier treatment of his son, and quest for answers, I’m pretty sure, although he would not want riots, he would appreciate the overwhelming support of most of the general public who have been shocked and appalled by his treatment.

It seems like the government would prefer just brushing horrific incidents like this under the carpet, despite the perpetrator being convicted and sent to jail, and resent the outcry of anger. Surely it is normal to feel anger at a situation which could easily have been avoided, which highlighted institutional racism and discrimination?

It feels like they tell the victims’ families what to say and then refer back to it frequently in order to hush everyone up?

Probably scared of being thrown in jail for inciting something or other if they admit to feeling angry. Just look at the wildly OTT reaction to Farage's recent words.

Sadly I am someone who knows the answer because I have been in the situation. We were given a huge amount of support as we became a media focus for a short period. Like anyone who finds themselves in this situation, we were not media personalities and had no desire to be famous, we were normal people in a living nightmare.

We were asked what we wanted to say and helped to say it in a way that came across well. We were not told what to say at all, but we were helped to write and say the hardest things we have ever had to say in a way that came across the way we wanted to in the press. We knew nothing about the media and wanted it all to just go away so we could focus on how to live without our loved one.

So to answer your question, there was no coaching and no predetermined words, only deep and heartfelt support.

Maybe the parents just wanted the focus to be on their child and the individual circumstances of their death rather than for their loss to be used for political gain.

Given how some individuals have used murders to further their own agenda it can’t be surprising that families want to remind people that the loss is personal to them.

I can’t see how adding more violence does anything to remedy that.

The Nowak family are choosing to wait until the IOPC report before commenting further - perhaps politicians and Tommy Robinson and friends could do the same.

Your anger doesn’t trump their loss.

No. They aren’t.

I've not heard of that being a thing.

The truth is the vast majority of people in the UK do not want community tensions, rioting on the streets, retaliatory violence or racism.

Victims and their families do not want the horrific tragedy they are living to be used as an excuse for more brutality.

Despite what the far right want us to think, most of us want justice carried out according to the law and we want to live in peace. And if the law is wrong, then it needs reviewing. Not ordinary people deciding to take the law into their hands (mostly as an excuse to commit the violence they've been longing to commit, let's be real.)

In the Southampton case, there needs to be an investigation, massive changes to policing, and clarification of the law relating to what constitutes a Sikh kirpan so that the police do not turn a blind eye to anyone carrying a real weapon in future.

I was the media spokesperson for my company when we had a terrible event. Was on the news and radio. I was coached by my company on what to say and wear to come across respectful and the police were also involved in this too.

@BuggabootwoI’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to speak publicly at such an awful time.

No.

They aren't.

One of the things that has come out in various inquiries into tragedies is about how families of victims are thrust into the media spotlight without support or guidance. It's something that is still a 'work in progress' to try and get better at dealing with this particular issue relating to the media.

It's also been notable that the opposite has happened though too. Southport had legal protection of anonymity for the survivors but has had an unintended consequence that then made invisible to various services that they needed support from.

That said there are some incredibly dignified people who have come into public life after a tragedy who have managed to cope with all this and I have huge amounts of respect for them. They are much more impressive than politicians on these sensitive subjects.

I’m glad you’ve posted this and am very sorry that you have been in that situation.
I would be absolutely raging if I was told what I could and couldn’t say if God forbid I was ever in your or the latest tragic situation with Henry
Your post is reassuring .

I’m sorry you’ve been in this situation, but I’m glad you were given support and I hope people read your post coming from real life experiences rather than others jumping to conclusions that there’s no support without ever having to have been in your situation.

Sending you love.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.

when the media attention/focus had died down, did you feel happy with the words you had spoken, and did they feel true to what you believed at the time or did you wish you had said something else?

It just feels scripted to me, but I’m not sure why. It feels like an event happens, the victims family speaks, the media go into overdrive, the government appeals for calm on behalf of the families but in reality it is to prevent rioting. The government wants to pretend it didn’t happen and move on, because they are worried about how it will affect them and their jobs. It just feels so disingenuous.

The only politician I feel is remotely genuine is Kemi, as she seems to capture the mood right.

So very tired.

Violence would definitely not be what they want I imagine, but also complete apathy wouldn’t be much better?

All politicians use events such as these to further their own agendas, some in more obvious ways than others.

Why would you think my anger trumps their loss?

Yes OP, secretly bereaved parents want nothing more than for their deceased child's name to be forever associated with riots and violent retaliation. 🙄

The real reason bereaved parents will ask for calm is because most people, the bereaved included, are intelligent enough to see which way the wind is blowing and to know that there are scumbags out there frothing at the mouth to use their child's horrific death as an excuse to beat up someone with darker skin, to burn down a religious building or to loot a supermarket.

Hardly OTT. Did you not see them doing nazi salutes in Southampton? That’s the sort of person who responds to his dog whistle….dogs.

OP, it sounds like you’re looking for a way to twist the truth of what Henry Novak’s father said. You want to give it a “oh he didn’t mean that really” or “they were forced to say that” twist so that the fact that Farage and his racist band of followers (who were doing nazi salutes in Southampton) feel even more emboldened to behave like animals.

Just stop.

Yes, OP, every parent whose child has died as a result of an act of violence secretly wants to incite riots, but are prevented by a gagging order. 🙄

That is incredibly tasteless speculation about people who are going through the worst days of their lives.

I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing on their minds at that particular time. I agree they wouldn’t want it, but can’t imagine they all say it without prompting. It’s too coincidental.

i don’t want to get drawn into debate about this. But I will say that things were scripted because we didn’t know how to deal with the media and how to respond to people throwing questions at us. I am very happy about what we said at the time and those were our words. We were not told what to say at all, only supported to say it in a way that wouldn’t be twisted out of context.

Fortunately we are forgotten now, other than the odd true crime enthusiast who tries to find us and drag comments from us. I hope Henry Nowak’s family are afforded the same peace from the public and the media.

Your post was good.

I don't think it is coincidental? Almost everyone would understand how people use murders like this one for their own selfish purposes and would want to ensure that it doesn't happen in their child's name. Almost everyone wouldn't want more senseless violence after what they've been through. We've all seen this play out before time and time again. The bereaved parents will have seen it and know it's a possibility. It's a normal thought to have and a normal thing to ask. Not a coincidence, we just live in a society and most people are aware how it works.

Or maybe you have read it wrongly.

It sounded like he was furious with the police and 2 tier treatment of his son to me and wanted answers

Nothing in Mark Nowak's statement provides an excuse for rioting or violence. Nor did he intend it to - he made that very clear.

Yes in certain cases, like after the Manchester bombing there was a co-ordinated campaign to bring communities together
The nudge unit in question is called the Research Information and Communication Unit (RICU) and sits within the Home Office. Its specific remit is to 'manage' the reaction to any outrage.
The ‘don’t look back in anger’ and the Union Jack hijab were two campaigns.

None of that relates to statements made by bereaved relatives - either directly after a murder or after the relevant court case.