to say I have just had enough ?

[lopit98]

I am 50, DC are 16 & 18 (SEN)
I have been for a run this morning, home 7am to this ...

the dishwasher is clean, full, waiting to be unloaded
the sink is piled high where both have been cooking in the night
both have been awake most of the night -their sleep patterns are terrible
I have unloaded the dishwasher, rinsed everything in the sink and re-loaded the dishwasher.
cleaned the surfaces
removed items from the dishwasher and washed by had as 18yo waiting to cook (he has eating disorder, so when he cooks/eats its a godsend)
18yo now having a meltdown as his cooking has messed up. he is also saying we are running out of his food (he is not able to go to the shop) and need ti buy more today. Except I cannot get to the shop due to work.
16yo needs a lift to school for exams
I am trying to WFH amongst all this

.. I am done in, totally done.

This is just 1 example of a typical day

.. DH is in bed

Exactly. What SEN means they can’t deal with cleaning up their own mess so you have to do it? Are you trying to get them to do this stuff? It sounds like you’ve given up and are being a martyr when they’re better off being made to do it themselves. If you didn’t need to cook just leave it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

tell me you have no idea about send without telling me.

Or meltdowns, avoiding an 18 year olds meltdowns can be a full time job on its own and these meltdowns can be HUGE!

I’ve got two young adults with autism. Getting a tidy up crew ALWAYS ended in pain. I did it but, fuck me, it wasn’t worth it. I’m glad it worked for you but all autistic kids are NOT the same!

Time for first a convo with your husband to get him on board, then a family meeting to share out/divide tasks where you show a united front.

Everyone needs to pull their weight. Before the meeting with your husband, figure out what you need both him and them to do. Everyone should be emptying the dishwasher if it needs it automatically, not just you.

Why are their sleep patterns all wrong? Take devices away/turn them off if needed. Yes they are 18 and 16 but they are still under your roof/needing your financial support so while that’s the case it’s your rules and for their own good..,

They are old enough now that this comes under good upbringing and life skills/ making them fit future partners.

If they are not willing to clean and tidy it should be no cooking, they can have fruit, maybe a sandwiches but absolutely not cooking and making tons of mess.
have you been told by professionals they have the functional processing skills to cook, but not to clear up?

We teach people how to treat us and our families will give us as much shit as we will take.

Stop tolerating this.

Why is your DH in bed? Does he not work?

I have a DS with SEN and he would let me do absolutely everything if I let him. I could drop from exhaustion and he’d still be asking me to get him a drink.

What I’m trying to say is it’s not too late to start setting some reasonable house rules re: the dishwasher, shopping, bed times etc. consistently refusing to do everything myself has slowly created a little more independence in him.

If they cook they must clean up afterwards. That has to be the rule.

My children can’t cook!

That post was in response to op and in agreement with @MesLunettes