AIBU to worry my 15-year-old son will stay short?

[Peonytimeguys]

I know it matters to him. He will say something (about how the girls tell him
height is the most important thing for them!) and then clam up but he internalises it, I know- he keeps expecting another growth spurt but who can say that will happen.

i know all the right things to say and I say them. I reflect on how it doesn’t matter, that it’s important build a life on better, less shallow values than how we look. Equally (yes I know therein lies contradictions) I tell him how gorgeous (he is, genuinely) looking, smart, funny and a good person he is. And kids are cruel and school is brutal yada yada

But inside I do think the world is brutal, harsh re what women go for (even the dating apps have height filters) and as much as I try to reject the nonsense, my heart hurts that he will be judged and rejected in love etc - even though I fully realise there are many reasons we get judged, height is just one of them!

He is 15.5yrs, 5ft 6. He shot up about 6 inches in a year - was always on the v short side now less so. Late developer? No facial or underarm hair. Dad is 5ft 8, im 5ft 3. His feet aren’t big

If you're a short woman who procreates with a short man what did you expect in terms of your children's height?

Whilst this is factual, I'm going to point out that I think this has an offensive air to it. A bit aggressive.

Boys can grow until 21 no facial hair - he still has growing to do

He’s still growing.

Why is he bothered? Who has said what to him?

Thanks everyone. The reality is that I don't have a crystal ball and I have no idea what will happen. I know it doesn't merit a visit to the doctor - there is no issue here, and even if he's a late developer, he's still within the margins of what they would deem as normal - because it is normal. Normal is a range. It's just not what he wants, necessarily. If he was several percentiles off, that's a different story. But no one will do anything.

This is about managing my anxiety over him and how he fares in life - and getting him to feel as good as possible about himself.

He genuinely doesn’t seem that short for 15. And he will probably grow another inch or two at least.

My DH is 5ft8 and I’ve never really thought of him as particularly short. He’s maybe a couple of inches shorter than mates but it’s not really noticeable. I’m 5ft10 as well so I’m tall!

It’s likely your son may well grow another few inches. I left home for uni when I was 18 and my brother was 15 - I was my adult height of 5ft10 and he was several inches shorter than me. When I came home that summer he was taller than me! He’s just over 6ft. We both have the tall gene but he grew a lot later.

I was never into men that towered over me, then I'm 5ft1. If I went for a 6fter, I would have neck cramp constantly! So I wouldn't worry, he'll be taller than a lot of women anyhow, assuming he's leaning that way.

The other poster is right, you can't do anything about it, so he'll just have to live with it and concentrate on his confidence and presentation.

Also, I think a keeper these days is a guy who can keep a job down and not incompetent as domestic work! Your role as mother is pivotal here - I say that as it's too late for DH, sadly, who doesn't know you need to run a tap before you drink the water, sigh.

My husband and I are 5’6 both our boys are now 5’11 as adults.

One didn’t hit puberty fully until about 15 -16, at 15 he was about 5’4. In sixth form he grew a lot and ended up now 19 and much taller.

His brother hit puberty earlier, grew earlier and was 5’11 by 15.

Basically what I’m saying totally anecdotally is that when they hit puberty fully was the trigger for them to actually grow fully.

When my 5ft 2 son was at work experience they thought he was 12 years old.
He had a late growth spurt and now 6ft 1.
It happened at 17.

I've always liked shorter men 5'6 is my idea of perfect! My partner is 5'11 and I love him but if we're ever out and another man catches my eye, he's always shorter!

I once dated a man who was 5'3 (my height) and I've ever fancied anyone more - honestly!

I couldn't believe my luck when he asked me ut (after a few years of admiring him from afar). So happy, in fact, that I did happy dances in his bathroom where he couldn't see me 😄

I'd like to say there was a happy ending to the story but there wasn't. He had such a monumentally huge chip on his shoulder about his height that I dumped him after only a few months. His personality was the least attractive of any man I've dated - tall or short - purely because of his attitude to his own height.

ETA: he maintains I dumped him becauae he was short and I'm shallow (like all his previous girlfriends)...

Current height and age?
I ask because I’m concerned my almost 16 yr old may too have delayed puberty possibly due to adhd meds

That's pretty sad. He should have realised he lucked out with you showing his height was no disadvantage.

At 15 my son was about 5ft 6 ins. By 18 he was 6ft 4ins. He got time to grow.

Have you done the calculation in the red book?

My son also used the “double your height at 2years old” and found that pretty exact.

Honestly, he probably will grow more but not be towering tall with his parents size.

It's important to try and instil in him that women also come in all shapes and sizes and that character is often a huge attraction too, and tbh 5 foot 6, 7 or 8 isn't even exceptionally short so it will only be an issue if he carries it as a chip on his shoulder or makes it a personality trait when it's just genetics.

Yes often you hear women in certain media say they only date men 6 foot plus but that shallow way of being doesn't represent the population and in the real world, guys under 6 foot do just as well. I can't think of any blokes in my friend circle (all married) who are over 6 foot, except my husband who wishes he was a but shorter as being tall is a pain he says lol.

As a mother to a son I'd be really worried as you are but more so about it becoming a canker in his self esteem which will then make things harder when he does find a girl who may not reciprocate, he might think its due to his height when it isnt, or if it is he might not be able to see shes not worth his while then etc, more so than a few inches more or less will be.

I know. Unfortunately, it made me 'low value' in his eyes. Such was his insecurity. Both in terms of what was wrong with me if I wanted him? And a belief he could have done better than me if he were taller 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway 6 years on and I'm with someone else. He's still single and I'd imagine always will be. He's approaching 60 now.

I am 5'6, my first husband was 5'3 and extremely confident. He was also a little shit. If he'd been 6'3 he would just have been a big shit. My second (and current!) husband is 6'2, he would still be a decent and kind man if he was 5'2. He is an anomaly in his family as none are tall, indeed local legend had it that his mother's family were "Short enough to walk under their beds with their top hats on"! I have 3 DDs, their heights are 5', 5'4 and 5'11, only DD1 is from my first marriage. DD1 married a man of about 5'8, she has one tiny DD and one potentially much taller one who is 4 years younger. All that to say that there's no accounting for height and strange things can happen!

Drink lots of milk

There is still time for him to grow if he hasn’t developed facial hair yet. I’d go back and the doctor to check his hormones again.
DD’s friends lads started really changing between 15-17
If he doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Hope he’s okay.

That’s the sort of advice I’d have expected in the 1940s!

Gah, men. Sorry to hear that. Low self-esteem for a guy can be so damaging to them and everyone around them. They need to focus on their other strengths, and that's what people admire in the end really. Dating apps haven't helped.

Please don't rush this. Once they are fully into the puberty zone you'll get eaten out of house and home!

OP, is be more concerned about the lack of puberty signs. Is it worth going back to the doctor about that?

My boys are both on the smaller side amongst their classmates in primary school (some of whom are gigantic!). DH didn’t have a growth spurt till he was 17 and is now 6’3”. PIL are 6’ and 5’3”.

Given your and your DH’s heights it unlikely your son will be 6’+ but there’s every chance he’ll be as tall or taller than his dad.

Tell him it’s not all about looks. My 16 year old daughter (who’s about 5ft 2) isn’t interested in any of the boys at her school because they’re all racist and misogynistic (her words). Every single one has been written off by her before she even gets to their looks.