New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Over the years extensions have become the ‘norm’. But they have also become bigger and bigger to the extent that frankly, finding a bigger home would have been perhaps the right thing to do. People seem to forget that is an option ! Then spend a fortune on an extension.
And as extending and extending becoming normalised it reduces the number of smaller houses that are more affordable for those further down the chain.
So I think it needs to be toned down more than anything. TV programmes have normalised it. And builders make a fortune so they like it too. But it has made a mess of the housing market. And made some peoples lives a complete misery along the way.

The level of disruption depends on the house doesn't it. If its a detached or semi then maybe it is constant noise and vibration. If it's a terrace it's noise, vibration, having to walk past swearing builders every time you leave or enter the house, dust, and obstructions of various kinds. And probably sometimes having to access your property too. I think people who are imagining builders next door doing a complete overhaul are probably sitting in their nice quiet house imagining a bit of drilling! No. It is not like that for a full renovation. It's like having building work in your own house but without the pleasure of the finished product.

That is why the OP should have planned the schedule WITH the neighbours if she wanted to have a relationship with them. It's not about moral rights or legalities it's about how pissed off someone is going to be if you make their life difficult! Not much you can do now though bar apologise.

The OP said the work in this case isn’t actually to make it bigger, just to make it a suitable dwelling as it has previously been an HMO. 9 bathrooms etc, reduced down into a suitable family home. If she wasn’t doing the work, someone would have to, otherwise it sounds like the house would just be neglected. And I assume the neighbours wouldn’t be keen on that either.
Extensive building work is sometimes unavoidable. I mentioned upthread that my neighbour moved out for a year while they had work done. The house is in a conservation area and was neglected and falling to pieces. Honestly I’m glad that they took on the project, otherwise the house would have become a dangerous eyesore.

Yes, I agree. I lived in London when studying for my GCSEs and can't remember any extensions. Seems an odd choice to take on a renovation project when you re desperate for your toddler to have more room. If you have a big budget like the OP is there not anything to but in ROI for that price?

I was talking more widely. Not about the OP in particular.

Why don't you just report the thread and done with if you feel something is off.
Or just accept the fact that other people have different views to yours and that currently 93% agree, myself included, that OP is nbu and should carry on regardless. Other good options have been suggested for the ndn d's studying outside school hours.

Really difficult, never good to fall out with your neighbours.

And more widely, there are many reasons why extensive building work is a necessity.

There are no contradictions.
Just because it is beyond your life experience doesn't mean it isn't true.

Costs for domestic building work in ireland are extortionate and eye watering.
Trying to sign up an excellent reliable builder takes time.
Completely believable to be waiting a year for one to start.
The whole planning process is strict, laborious and time consuming.

The OP would be mad to interfere with her builders schedule.

The neighbours with their fully renovated house are completely unreasonable and shouldn't be entertained for a minute.

A wait of two years is usually when you have no contacts in the building industry. You will just get bumped down the queue. Why you would that on when you want a bigger home and stability for your toddler is questionable. They have a big budget surely they don't have to get into that at this stage.

I’m beginning to query the veracity of your posts now! People don’t renovate with toddlers or build extensions in London 😂I did both and so did scores of people I know!

The wait times may be true but why even entertain renovating a place for six months if you just want a secure, stable a bigger home for your toddler. They have a big budget or is that bit big in ROI? Why the heck would you take on a HMO with nine bathrooms as amateurs if you just wanted a bigger home for your toddler. It is so much hassle. THAT is the contradictory bit. Equally, being so concerned about neighbourly relations but not speaking to them once about your plans within the space of year? Sorry but how is that concern for neighbourly relations?

I am sure they do now but I'm talking about 30 years ago. They absolutely didn't at the scale of today in London as there were no Mega foreign investment landlords then. Houses were not split into flats. The population of London was 4/5 million less, the housing wasn't unaffordable, in fact my parents and my DH's grandparents lost money on a mansion flat as there was a recession. I am doubting your lived experience of London through that era or whether you are a Londoner id you don't know that.

If you don’t believe it, report it. Why spend so much time on a thread you don’t believe?

It's totally normal for an extension to take a year to arrange it doesn't sound like you have any experience. The initial planning, architects, council permission etc first and structural engineers takes up the first couple of months or more. More so if you need planning permission as opposed to permitted development as you are waiting for your plan to go to a council meeting which may happen once a month. Or if plans need to be amended after said meeting.

Then you are likely to have a wait for atleast 6 months for a decent builder - once you've got quotes back - which we all know how long that can take.

The year wait is also irrelevant. What if the OP had started plans 6 months ago and the time frame was 6 months. It would still be happening now! Its not up to the person doing an extension to check every detail of their neighbours life. Who also has an extension!

They will hate you of course. However, you could have notified them in advance before hiring your builders. Too late now. It is you or them.

OP, this isn't an ideal situation but both you and several other posters on this thread are catastrophising massively. Children pass their exams in war zones without the offer of a nice office with a coffee shop to help them cope!

Unfortunately, you have trained your neighbours to treat you like a doormat because you have already several times lain down and invited them to wipe their feet all over you.

Ironically, they would respect you far more if you demonstrated a few boundaries and gave a pleasant but firm refusal to their more unreasonable demands. Treating this as an absolute catastrophe and losing sleep over it shows that you've completely lost perspective.

I'm really sorry that you have lost a good neighbour recently. That's very difficult, and you will be feeling raw over that. But this family has shown you several times they were never going to be a replacement for that neighbour. It would be best to accept it and move on from that particular idealistic wish. There will be plenty of other more reasonable neighbours around with whom to become good friends.

Tell them very politely that you have asked whether the builders can accommodate their request, and the answer is no. Reiterate your very kind offer of the pleasant local office space, then go on your way and get on with the rest of your life. You're not going to please these people, whatever you do, so you'll save an awful lot of time and energy if you can accept that and stop trying.

I think the OP probably realises the mistake now in not having discussed anything with the neighbour as they could probably have planned a 3 week delay if so. The OP may have taken the view that the neighbour would try and negotiate / interfere with their plans if they discussed them though and hence decided not to. Now they want mumsnet to collectively say if they should delay the build. Well of course not when there will be a 30k loss and they would also get off to a bad start with the builders which could have repercussions for the quality of the work or their attitude later. It could even bump them to the back of the queue to wait for a new start date rather than just a 3 week delay. Should they have discussed their plans with the neighbour though and thereby been forewarned of the neighbour’s perceived importance of the next 3 weeks? Yes, I think that would have been the neighbourly thing to do and that was where it went wrong. However, as that did not happen, I think OP is trying to make concessions and the best thing to do, OP, is show lots of empathy with their situation and make the concessions suggested.

“but they asked us to send the plans as they found it more difficult to view them online (which we did)”

Didn’t they have access to a printer?!

I now have an image in mind of a ghastly family driving round in their landrovers being entitled.

You’re being very empathetic, but you need to work on your people-pleasing trait and put yourself first. I bet they wouldn’t have paused works if you’d been next door with a newborn.

Ask the workmen to try to conduct the very noisiest work during school hours (unless she’s on study leave). By the time you move in, she’ll have done absolutely fine in her exams (affluent, engaged parents, good school, etc) and you can give them a bottle of triple distilled something when you invite them round for housewarming.

Edit I basically agree with @WaryHiker !

The problem is stamp duty often rules out getting a bigger house or moving, or makes it seem bad value I guess. That 20k or more could be spent on the current house. (and that's without solicitors fees, removals, estate agents etc)

I agree about the smaller house aspect. But the way the housing ladder has become stagnated for people, house prices out of control in comparison to wages - and moving costs just mean sometimes its easier to do up what you live in rather than move.

If you watch Love it or List it, they nearly always end up choosing Love it. The money just doesn't add up a lot of the time to move.

I’m not sure I will ever recover from the slight that you are doubting my lived experience 😂but on the basis 30 years ago is totally irrelevant to the thread I’ll have to let it go

I think some confusions in posts as to experiences in earlier years in London many decades ago and the now in Ireland.
My posts about extensions becoming bigger and bigger and being normalised relates to England generally. I have no idea about Ireland and extensions there.

The Leaving Cert is the equivalent of A levels. We did building work (huge whole home renovation of a detached property) while our neighbours’ kid was sitting A levels in 2024: they’d never have asked our builders to stop work for 3 weeks during his exams. I’m sure they thought it wasn’t ideal but they’re not completely unreasonable and we were great neighbours to them before the work started (2.5 years worth of relationship) so thankfully all was well.

I project managed the build and was absolutely on it in respect of communicating all developments and “pinch points” so I really tried my hardest to manage their expectations and give decent notice (in writing, via email) for particularly noisy segments of work during the build.

My friend who let her builders work over the BH lives in a central London townhouse (basically a big terrace with adjoining neighbours either side) and I can say with almost 💯% certainty that she’ll have given very few shits about her neighbours as she has no relationship with them and is generally much more selfish about this stuff than we are.

There is a big difference.

"No can do, sorry. There won't be any building work in the evenings or at the weekends".