New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

I'm sorry this might be harsh and I completely agree GCSE's are important, I have a child currently sitting them so I know where the parents are coming from, however GCSE's are not the bee all and end all and I'm sorry to say that a lot more rides on them then you having this building work done whilst they are sitting them.

A lot of work should have been done before for revision.... As long as the builders aren't disturbing sleep and not banging all night, the child still has a considerable amount of time on an evening to study.

I think you have been more than fair offering an office space for them and being so accommodating in the first place!

Again, how is aiming for the lowest common denominator of conditions for studying in a good thing. It doesn't help many at all to have these pressures and massively increases inequality in society.

@SleepingStandingUp In the digital age they've had to diversify to justify their existence.

Outskirts of London, this week my local library has:
5 x toddler time story/rhyme
A travelling exhibition all month
Kids lego club
2 x kids coding club
Poetry club
Languages (one per week)
2 x digital support
Creative arts 11-18yo
Saturday entrepreneurs club
Citizens Advice drop in
Knit and natter
Sewing club (monthly)
Men's mental health drop in
Watercolour workshop
Saturday drop ins with councillors

Not sure I could revise for numerous GCSE's through that lot.... would probably be quieter and less distracting staying at home with the building noise.

That’s a really good idea re the vouchers. We did an extension and renovation recently, and yes it is unbearably noisy for some parts, especially the foundation work as it’s outside. If you’re using the same company for all the works, I wonder if you can rejig it a bit? Eg get them to do some of the upstairs bathrooms, electrical work, plastering and plumbing inside, and do the foundations after the weeks?

Otherwise yes, prep the neighbours on how long the extreme noise is expected to be. They might get through it quicker than you both think

You’re not being unreasonable to continue with your plans. You’ve empathised with their situation and have offered compromises. There’s no need to be buying headphones or pamper gifts. A straightforward “we can’t postpone” is enough - it’s ok to say no, it doesn’t make you bad people and you don’t have to justify this.

Yes, the timing for them is awful and exam time is stressful for the whole family, I remember it well. Unfortunately this is how real life works - there will always be things happening beyond our control which impact us massively at times.

As an aside - and not meant in a snarky manner - if the exams started yesterday she should have completed all but last minute revision and last minute panic revision doesn’t help.

I think your neighbours are dreading the onslaught of building works tbh.
And from a neighbour who endured pretty much a year of it going on it is deeply unpleasant. The noise is pretty constant. The dust, the drilling the constant whirring of cement, scraping. Moving earth. Diggers.
Because it is your property it is different for you. Ours even moved out for a bit.
Your neighbours life is about to change yet again and they know it. And dread it.
The girl can study at school. But have a heart as to what you are about to impose on your neighbours. It would not matter if you lived in the middle of nowhere. Do what you like. You are not impacting anybody else. You are here.
So they may have made you concerned with their request, and you have been helpful in offering a place, but it really isn’t about their daughters exams at all.
Well done for turning a family home that was made into a HMO back into a family home !
Given it used to be a HMO they will have lived through all the works that that involved turning a family home into a HMO. They have had more than their fair share of works next door !
The best thing is just straightforward communication and appreciation of where they are coming from. Update regularly.

I don’t think you are understanding. Nobody is aiming to have awful revision conditions. We all want the best for our kids to optimise their chances in life. I am just saying that these challenges should not be met with fury and hysteria. It’s better to try and find workable solutions and keep the child calm.

I honestly think people don’t realise just how disruptive it all is.

Is your vocabulary completely lifted from the Daily Mail. Do you understand nuance or compromise? Such extreme and aggressive language and name calling is arguably 'unhinged'. Posters disagreeing with you is not unhinged it is just posters disagreeing with you.

Honestly I'd ask but wouldn't expect a neighbour to incur additional costs for the preference of my child.
The fact you have offers a solution for studying (which the child could do at school or the library) and as long as work isn't being completed at unsocialable hours, I think it is reasonable to go ahead.
I would explain its not possible due to the incurred costs and fix time frame for the builder and they are welcome to use the spare office space you have. No reasonable neighbour will expect you to cough but more money for their child.

YANBU get on with the renovation. I had to work from home with the neighbour renovating his house next door (terraced houses) so I heard every noise going during the covid restrictions.
You've offered a compromise with DH offering the use of his office to her, she has school and a library to go and use. Or if its nice weather, she could even go and study in the park.

You can't do anything about this.

Neighbourly building works are always awful. Everyone hates them. But they happen. GCSEs will be over in 3 weeks, and if you DID delay, you know what? Your works will bump into mocks, or next year's summer exams (which are just as important as GCSEs, IME, as they determine predicted grades for uni).
Apologise for the disruption, take them some biscuits or something on days when it's really really noisy (IS it?? Are you pile driving? Breaking a slab? The really noisy bits don't go on that long). And then don't think about it more.

I'd say the parents are the brave ones in this case, having big balls for making such a CF request!

If they don't take my opinion well, it is
✨not my problem. ✨

They can ask a question, they might not like the answer. Happens to millions of people every day.

P.S - it isn't meant to be advice.

It’s awful. We were living away from it for the foundation and steels part but I visited daily and cringed at the noise for the neighbours. And of course, even when it’s not the angle grinder, the concrete breaker, they’re cutting bricks and tiles etc outside. I think the stop start is almost worse, as you’re in dread of it starting up again.

If you can make sure the builders don’t arrive early, that would help also. We really had to enforce not being there until 8am, as they were rocking up at 7am, clanging equipment, shouting, banging about, and sometimes starting with the noisy equipment outside of the council hours

This. All day long, this.
Ive lived through huge disruption with extensive renovations from neighbours both sides, back to back. 2+ years of extreme noise, dust, and disruption.
One neighbour told us about it way in advance and - knowing we both work from home - went to great pains to talk us through and give us lots of notice. The other side didn’t tell us a thing. We found out when the work started. We all got on with it but it isn’t fun.
This is why I asked the OP if they’d let their neighbours know before they started and why I said I’d be absolutely pissed off if my daughter’s focus was disrupted without notice right in the middle of her exams. (I’m not saying this is the case with OP.)

If you can see that people want the best for their kids, why are you finding it so diuto comprehend why the OP's neighbour would ask this question. The neighbour obviously didn't know about the 30000 until she asked the question somits not this great big liberty that posters are suggesting on here.

Don't be so daft. Shes already explained it would cost 30000 pounds to delay and they've offered use of an office. Also, the library exists.

Jesus, some of the posts on this thread are bonkers.

You have offered a solution, they just have to get on with it. They've had their extension on their house done, so they are just being ridiculous. Honestly, people saying they will hate you, asking why you didn't buy somewhere ready to move into, suggesting you rent them somewhere etc - I have never heard such madness. They either take you up on your husbands offer of the office space, or they go to the library or they do what typical teenagers do when there is no school - rot in bed during the day and they can revise at night when the builders are not there.

OP - do not lose anymore sleep over this. People have work done to their houses, new houses are being built all the time and it's just one of those things.

I agree, I mean the OP states that she is very keen on good relations and yet in the space of a year has not gone to them once to address anything. Strange behaviour for someone who cares so much about neighbourly relations.

Indeed. Council times set to start are largely totally ignored.

But again the neighbour didn't know about the 30000 cost to delay until she asked, unless you think they are telepathic?

How is it CF to ask if you can delay building works that will go on for 6 months+ for three weeks? They aren't mind readers how would they know it was going to cost the OP £30000 to accomodate their request? They wouldn't know that before they asked the question. A question that is pretty run of the mill.

I think the offer of the office nearby is excellent. I would go round and offer to show them round etc, maybe buy some vouchers for the cafe etc. if you feel comfortable I’d explain it would cost £30,000 to delay; it’s not feasible/realistic/warranted to cancel.
Your solution is perfectly reasonable/ideal. Beyond this there’s nothing you can do and it’s up to them to find a solution.
When studying I often went to local library, friends and school just for a change of scenery.

These neighbours sound like they have departed reality (as have many on the thread who think they’re reasonable!). Of course building work can be dreadful to live near and you’ll always get people with worse experiences than others, but it’s a part of life and not frequent. Doing things to show your awareness it’s not fun for them is as much as you need to do as a good neighbour and honestly is more than most neighbours would do. It sounds like you’ve done this.
People suggesting you swap your rental for their house to give them peace my lord.

Last year my neighbours had the same situation with other neighbours doing loud work while their son did GCSE’s. You know what they did? When their music was anti socially loud politely asked them to turn it down, they did and never played it too loud again. Their son on the louder days? Went to the local library as like your neighbours his school wasn’t open to his year either.

As parents I think they are setting a dreadful example for their child that if something isn’t to plan rather than resolving themselves and building some resilience because life rarely goes to plan, they’ll go to such lengths as to inconvenience all around them to create a false reality of life.

If you have a bad relationship with these neighbours rest in the knowledge that is their fault, not yours. Such a shame, but you can’t control their unreasonable expectations and your decision not to pander to it.

I agree it is tricky, I think the offer of the office is generous but I can see why they would be unlikely to take it up or find it helpful.

I don’t think you should say too much about the hours the builders will be doing noisy work as it will just cause problems if they are going over the agreed times. Obviously explain the situation to the builders and see what they can do, but be careful about promising things to the neighbours.

the shelter for their bikes is their problem to solve by the sound of it if the shelter was on your land? You could offer them a shelter on their land as a good will gesture maybe once all the building work is done and dusted and to restore the relationship?

I was thinking you could gift the dd some vouchers to study in a coffee shop as that is where my dc sometimes like to study (i tell them they have to buy a drink!) but maybe the neighbours will then want compensation for other things too .., if you wanted to do a hamper with headphones, some pens, post-it’s and coffee shop vouchers that would be nice but could annoy them though. The offer of the office is probably the most sensible option.

where we live there is always one house or another doing building work and usually over spring so many many dc have likely been in this situation. To be honest building works are likely more of a problem for shift workers or people working from home than for teens taking exams who have options like libraries, school study sessions, coffee shops, parks and studying more on the evening. for context I have two dc who have taken GCSEs and A levels and one in year 9.