New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Bingo - we have the tired old stereotypes about today's generation. You do realise you sound ancient saying that don't you!

Can’t believe some of the answers here. No wonder kids today are the way they are when parents ask this of their neighbours. I expect the child will have some “excuse” as to why they can’t study at school or a library.

Are you 12?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It worked for me- my council moved works costing 100k plus.
There were factors (such as disability and overnight working) that may not apply to ops neighbours but if they are desperate they could try and it might work and cost the op more.
I also booked an airbnb for the works period in case my attempts to get the council to move didnt work, because I had notice, but OPs neighbours did not.

This 100%

The snowflakery on this thread is scary - anxious parents overreacting and infecting their DC with fear of the world. Instead of modelling coping, resilience, and getting on .

Use some common sense, people! DC have school libraries and study rooms. They have local libraries - mine is full of DC allegedly studying (most of the time actually flirting). The next door girl could team up with a friend as a study buddy, and go to her friend's house.

And so on ...

The OTT reactions to the OP's post show what's wrong with a section of this country.

I don't think op has said that the builders will be working overnight? The two situations sound completely different.

We're currently the neighbours (without anyone doing exams). The knocking, banging, drilling is there every day (not every second, but at times we can't hear ourselves talk to eachother in the room we're in. We've certainly found ourselves going out for a drink more, yesterday morning I just couldn't face having my morning coffee at home (which I've always sat and relaxed over), so cycled out for one. DH came home from gym while I was out, and felt the same. I think they're working excessive hours, arriving at 7am, anything really noisy isn't starting until 8.30am (just started!), and they're here seven days a week. It's got to be done, so no point in moaning.

Whilst it isn't easy, I think you've try to offer a solution, so put that forward again - parents are welcome to check it out. Is there a Costa, Pret, Cafe Nero within walking distance. If so, you could buy a voucher so she could go out for coffee and a treat/coffee and study there for an hour at times when it's worst. For us it's more the work close to the boundary that are the worst, new extension foundations, taking down cladding/boarding (they've taken ours down as well, as a sweetner and are updating it for nothing), drilling and they're putting in sound insulation. Maybe, you could try and get a rough time frame for when any of these works close to boundary are happening, that way she can prepare in advance.

But you are arguing that challenging conditions are a good thing, that somehow that's the best strategy rather than leveling up. You are seriously misguided if you think that success in these conditions happens regularly. In reality it holds people back and contributes hugely to societal inequality, again how's that a good thing?

Lol

i come across young people in my work all the time and it’s the exception to have decent hard working ones who don’t cry when someone looks at them the wrong way or get mummy and daddy to phone up when big nasty boss tells them to do something. That’s my “lived experience”, not a stereotype.

Maybe I am ancient but I’ve successfully raised 2 clever, highly academic, hard working and high achieving young people (well as much as they can be at 17 and 20!) and I’m comfortable I’ve done a much better job than the “I’ll hate you forever” brigade on here. 😄

Modelling consideration and manners is something I work on personally. Equally, trying to have some critical self awareness which involves empathy is pretty high up on my list of exemplary parenting techniques. Just as it was for my parents.

I once had to sit an important exam when there were building works going on outside the exam room. The only option was to ignore it and crack on. Learning resilience can be handy in navigating life's ups and downs.

I am impressed that your husband kindly offered a quiet space for her to study. If I were your neighbours, I'd be grateful and not bother you further. Believe me I've experienced MUCH WORSE with neighbours doing similar work and never had such a considerate response.

Quite. There was a power cut in my son’s higher chemistry and as there were no windows in the hall they were in it was a fraught situation to move them mid exam to somewhere they could finish it. Shit happens. Kids need to learn to cope with it. It was his weakest subject but he still got an A.

People having building work carried out next door during the exam period holds people back and contributes to social inequality? Really?
I maintain that once exams have started, the vast majority of revision should already have been done. Last minute cramming is an ineffective revision strategy.

You’ve been generous enough offering the office. They should also offer to get some noise cancelling headphones. Nothing more needs to be done.

Nonsense.
Yes- building work next door is a pain.
No you can’t control it- it’s part of living on a crowded island.
Yes- be polite and considerate- but it’s your property, the work needs doing and the quicker it is done the better- including for the.
Dont tie yourself in knots- it will never stop.
tell them you understand, you wish there was another way but there isn’t. The end. Don’t get into the why’s and wherefores

Our next door neighbour wanted us to plan work around when she was hanging the washing out….

i don’t see anything like this in what this poster said. You seem to be suggesting it’s better to pander to anxiety than to give the person the tools to cope with it. Everyone has anxiety at some point in their lives. The crossover to it becoming a clinical condition needs to be addressed sensibly, and at the moment the huge explosion in MH conditions in young people indicates that that isn’t happening.

Your neighbours are insane.

Three weeks feels like a huge ask when you've already got builders booked and costs ticking up. Your husband offering a quiet office nearby was a pretty decent compromise tbh. I'd keep building, politely, and maybe agree on sensible working hours if the builders can.

Nailed it.

Doesn’t mean the OP can, has to or wants to.

Of course she can do that but it does create some annoyance for her that she hadn’t planned for.
when I was doing exams I had post it notes everywhere that I saw through the day, a lot of books and notes per subject - going to a library could involve buses/long walk which both eats in to time, potentially costs money, and is inconvenient.

of course she can make it work but it’s not fair to not recognise that it is not convenient for her

Hang on, what exams are these then? Unless the OP is in another country most exams have finished or almost finished now. Even uni exams.

I agree. This thread has a lot of unhinged people on it! Absolutely wild suggestions. It’s some building work fgs. I can’t even imagine going to a neighbour to ask them to do this it’s unbelievable

Many of us had to revise in similar conditions. I find most teens use music etc in the background anyway.
Also extensions don’t cause constant 24/7 noise. Tools go on and off. Not all are that noisy. Workers take breaks. Some days they won’t even turn up as they’ll be waiting for equipment or materials.