New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Anyone who has ever had building work done (which the neighbours have) would know that you can’t just ask a builder to postpone work for 3 weeks. It’s just not the way it works. It would always either incur large costs or mean the builders just go and start the next project on their list and don’t return until it’s finished which could be months later. There’s a lot of preparation goes in to building work, it can’t just be stopped and restarted 3 weeks later with no consequence.

By all means have a discussion about ways in which disruption can be mitigated, remind the rules around quiet times are observed, perhaps take up the generous offer of alternative work space, all of which is completely in keeping with peace and harmony. Requesting work just stops is not reasonable or realistic.

Did you ACTUALLY offer up any constructive suggestions to the OP on how to resolve the situation………or do you just spend your time picking fault with other contributors?

For everyone answering from an English perspective, I suspect culture in Ireland in this kind of situation is different. People in London give precisely zero shits about how much they inconvenience others during building work. A house down the street from us has been getting renovated for at least two years and noisy work often began at 0730-0745 when noise reduction hours are 0800-1800 week days. They don’t know their neighbours and don’t want to know them so they don’t care how their works affect them as long as they get what they want - it’s very individualistic.

But asking someone to spend 30k to ensure your child isn't disrupted is it's own form of adversity and conflict. Don't you see that? It's not the same as nicely asking a neighbour not to mow the lawn when you've just put baby to bed.

If I asked you to put yourself out of pocket to the tune of £30k, because my child's needs come before your finances, I've just introduced conflict. It's hugely entitled

When I was at uni, I was in student halls and a car park was being constructed opposite us. The developer was breaking laws and using equipment at 2am some days! The day time noise didnt even occur to me to be annoyed about. I just wanted to not be woken up in the middle of the night!

Report them to the council then

Using the logic of some people on here: OP and toddler can just go to the local library weekdays 9-5… Just pop a pot noodle in a bag. There are toddler groups, books to read and cushions for naps.
Just need a bit of resilience. When my kids were toddlers they were already working down coal mines.

I agree. I remember spending part of my study leave baking cakes and popping off down the shop or seeing what was on daytime tv. Being at home was quite distracting! An office would have helped me.

And if anyone has ever done an extension, you can’t just ask a builder to start work 3 weeks late. It doesn’t work like that.

You give one example then ascribe it to the whole of London.

Do give over.

But that's not what I am arguing, that's the answer the OP has given to her neighbours request. The neighbour didn't know that it would be £30000 out of pocket before she asked did she. It's hardly entitled to ask the initial question, "can you possibly wait 2 weeks to start your expensive and lengthy period of renovation until my DD has finished her exams?" It's a question she didn't know the answer to before the OP told her about the £30000 bill to do that.

I've much experience in this, you can ask a builder that and people do.

England does not equal London though. I live in England, in a village and have a great relationship with our neighbours. We all know that building work is a fact of life though. We moved into our house about 3 weeks before our next door neighbours embarked on a huge extension. I had a 3 year old, a 2 year old and was heavily pregnant. My husband worked full time from home. The neighbours went to live in Dubai for a year while the work was done! But that’s life. Unless people are banned from renovating houses then what can you do?

Yes, exactly. I assume the toddler has an ok home if they are prepared to wait such a long time for a house to be renovated but have a big budget. Surely, if it was that imperative you use your hefty budget to buy another house you can move in to.

I think offering an office was the perfect solution in this situation. I wouldn’t worry, you’ve shown consideration by coming up with something to make this situation better for them, there’s nothing else you reasonably could do. But explain to them what the delay would cost.

This is an absolutely ridiculous comment.

you’ve obviously not had the experience of going through planning permission in todays state of affairs. The delays are likely to be the council not OP.

OP - it’s very generous of you to offer an alternative space for the daughter to study. As other people have suggested, there are other solutions to this.

a utility company would not give two thoughts to digging up the road outside which would cause an equal amount of noise.

your builders should be practising ‘quiet hours’ and not making excessive noise for 8 hours a day - perhaps advise them on when those will be in advance.

I think it’s kind of ridiculous that they expect their daughter to be entitled to total silence during her exam period. I would make the point to them that you will make sure that the builders finish at a hard finish time, and do make sure you do that, but children have to study in all sorts of environments. It’s really rather pampered to expect life to come to a halt when you have exams - particularly when there are other offers of a quiet space on the table .

They fucked off to Dubai for a year and everyone in your village is absolutely ok about building work being done? So why when the government wants to build houses to ease up on the housing shortage do we have all the nimbyism most often demonstrated by the residents of English villages?

Again, why do people think in extremes like this, that probably don't expect total silence just not one off, extremely noisy construction work!

Had you known about the exams ahead of agreeing a start date with the builders, would you have done anything then? I’m getting the vibe that you’re totally in the hands of the builders and would have hesitated to delay the start of works as you may have lost the builder. The offer of alternative space for revision is kind, but unfortunately not ideal and seems unworkable. Everyone finds building work taking place next to them noisy, inconvenient, dusty, especially when the owners are living offsite. Given the added factor of the exams, you’ll need to work hard on good relations with your neighbour going forward.

Why are you having an extension/renovation, if you can't afford to furnish it once it's done?

But it is a huge imposition to OP. Life can’t stop for 3 weeks because someone has exams. What if some work needed doing on the street by the council? You couldn’t ask them to delay it. I also wonder if the tables are turned whether they would accept a similar request from OP?

Yes, fine. It’s a lovely old house in a conservation area that absolutely needed the work doing so that it didn’t fall into disrepair, which would have been a real shame for the village (and l personally wouldn’t have wanted a wreck of a house next door). I’m glad they bought it and were prepared to do the extensive work required to get it up to standard.
They went to work in Dubai for a year while the required works were done (they were/are teachers). Not an issue for me.

I wouldnt be sending my young teenage daughter to a random office to study. And if I was the girl I wouldnt want to go either. Its totally different from just being able to pick up a revision book in the house.

I dont no what you can do but I can understand why the family are deeply upset and cant see you ever being particularly friendly for a long time. The future will depend on how the girl does in her results. They will blame you if she does badly

I don’t think I could be held responsible for my actions if my NDN had done their extension now rather than 5 years ago.

Do you normally struggle to regulate your emotions and behave appropriately?

There are so many parents on this thread whose anxiety seems out of control. It’s no wonder your kids are so stressed if this is how you behave.

Most of my friends who had more than one child went through the GCSEs and A Levels together. It was stressful, but some of the parents here are making it into such a drama. Poor kids. You need to stay calm for them.