New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Can you compromise and agree no noisy work after 4pm to allow her study time? Or perhaps a few hours in the middle of the day when there isn’t banging or drilling? It doesn’t have to be an all
or nothing approach

They are unreasonable, I'm shocked they would even ask. The daughter could use a library, headphones etc. Do you even know if the daughter is bothered by it?
What would they do if there was public construction going on in the road?

Quite honestly, I think you should be working to reduce this amount of stress for your daughter.

It would send her over the edge??

I do not think this sounds in any way healthy, she’ll burn out by A levels.

I think you’ve offered a very good option in the office space. You can’t afford to delay, so that is that (unless they can give you £30,000 upfront, which they won’t) Revising out of the home for part of the day can be a good thing (I’m both a teacher and a parent of young adults). It needs planning. Eg do past papers in the library/at school; test yourself on formulae stuck on the walls at home. Lots of students actively choose to spend at least part of their study time at school. An office round the corner sounds ideal actually: good for switching the mind on and off.

OP, what support/suggestions do you need from this thread? There are many many pages of most people saying the neighbours just need to put up with it, with a few expressing concern for the daughter and offering suggestions on how you can help her.

You sound really stressed, so just wondering what do you need from this thread - what would actually be helpful?

I can see why they would ask. Is there a compromise you can reach?

Explain that it would cost £30,000 to delay and otherwise you would have done. And then buy her some really good noise cancelling headphones. I think you're offer of office space is very kind. It's extremely unfortunate that your building work has started now but you can't do anything about that.
I can recommend these Headphones
Edited to add - ask the builders not to have a loud radio on all day as that's one of the most noisy things about builders.

YANBU, they need to get a grip. The world doesn't stop for one person's inconvenience.

Why should she. People’s lives shouldn’t stop for other people. If the child gets pandered to then she will grow up with an entitled attitude.

I mean my parents brought me up to be considerate of others so I wouldn't be affronted or think it was entitled for an established neighbour to politely ask if my massive renovation, that was going to take 6 months could be delayed by three weeks to accomodate their teenager undertaking exams probably for the first time in her life, that very much had an impact on the course of her life. There is literally nothing wrong with that but I prefer people who think about harmony over adversity as I prefer peace over conflict. I'm starting to see from MN this is rare preference these days!

🥱

You call it pandering I call it, 'being kind' god forbid children grow up to have manners!

What a witty retort, I can see you never had to worry about qualifications!

The exams are starting now OP, so when you think about it objectively, their DD should have completed (or be well on top of) their revision by now. It sounds like your new neighbours are scapegoating you. Perhaps they are looking for an excuse if she doesn’t do well. You’ve already been really kind by offering their DD an alternative place to study - please don’t beat yourself up about this.

Also, I’m sorry for your loss (of NDN) - maybe the recent shock and trauma of this (finding her) is affecting the way you’re feeling in general at the moment? Take care.

You’re not being unreasonable OP, you don’t have to justify your timeline, delays or costs. Your home is not their sovereignty. It can take months/years to find a builder who’s work you are happy with, a price you are comfortable with and then secure their availability - they can be booked up 18 months in advance here. You are going ahead with the work. The timing is unfortunate but your neighbours already sound entitled and demanding over shared boundaries. Tell them you will speak to the builder- ask them to prioritise soft strip out and works closest to the adjoining neighbour and to be mindful and considerate that there is a neighbour studying nearby. If you acknowledge their concerns, treat them with consideration and take reasonable measures (ie speaking to the builder) then there isn’t much more you could or should be doing.

Oh no we don't do compromise on Mumsnet, there are only extreme views these days!

Thie is very unfortunate timing but not through any fault of yours. I also live in Ireland and had an extension done 2 years ago. Its incredibly expensive and almost impossible to get builders to return if they leave a site. But your neighbours know this. They have already shown themselves to be demanding. They are not unreasonable to ask but you are not unreasonable to say no. The offer of the office is kind. I would ask the builders to let you know what will be happening roughly each day, and give a heads up if there is demolition etc, so she could have planned in advance to use the office. Some days will be quieter. There's nothing else you can do really. Dont worry that they will hate you. By the sound of things there will be plenty other demands over the years, so you are better off holding firm now and not being so friendly you can't ever say no to them.
Congratulations on your house.

They sound like difficult neighbours, who will look for things to complain about regardless of what you do. The offer to use office space at your DH's work was more than most people would have done. Let them know the hours the house will be worked on, so the daughter can plan her study days, other than that, crack on with what you need to do.

Just ignore this ridiculous comment OP, they are clearly trolling. Don't give them any attention! And of course you can't delay the building work. She has other options for quiet places to study and your neighbours were cheeky for asking!

🙄

I don't think the new bloke next door offering an upstairs 'office' for 16 year old daughter to study in on her own is a good idea, whether it's 500m away or 5miles away, talk about daft, massive safeguarding issue, it's hardly an option.

I think your DH was very kind to offer that!

Surely with exams happening now the vast majority of revision should have already happened? Last minute cramming isn’t ideal. It should just be a case of reading over notes and refreshing memories at this point of the year.

Then you need to get her a therapist. If she’s this stressed at GCSE how on earth will she survive university?

I don't think that is just MN sadly. Everyone has lost the ability to see nuance and everything has to be pigeon holed into binary positions. Not sure if it is social media or the Internet in general that has created it. Its a thread all of its own.