New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

with hindsight the only thing you could have done is inform them when the building work would start and for that I would take flowers and a bottle round to apologise for that (that’s just me though.) I would be profusely apologising as they could have made their own arrangements if they had known your plans and make reference to that.

in relation to the student, the schools aren’t closed so they absolutely can revise in school and there will be facilities available for them to do so.

you could offer to buy the headphones when you go to apologise if it will make you feel better.

do not offer to rehome them or any other such ridiculousness

My DS’s school have 2 hours extra revision every night after school anyway, the second hour is optional for anyone struggling but first is mandatory. They’ve also had extra evening sessions a few times. Plenty of time to revise. She could also go to the library or put ear plugs in. It’s 3 weeks, I’m sure she’ll be fine.

Same again. I have a child currently doing GCSEs and I think there are some very intense replies on here.

I've given revision snacks, lifts into exams in the rain, extra tutoring in some subjects. I've made allowances for exam stress and prioritised it in our household over this period.

I don't expect the rest of the world to accommodate itself to my DC doing exams. It would never even occur to me to ask the neighbours to not do building works. I'd discuss the situation with my DC and we'd come up with a plan for where else to work if it was that distracting.

GCSEs are a part of life, not a huge hardship. We all have to learn to adapt and be successful despite unexpected obstacles.

OP I think it just sounds like you have slightly entitled neighbours, they were unlikely to be your best mates forever, even if it wasn't about this - you'd probably have had some issue eventually.

In your position if I was really trying I think I might send a hamper of goodies and a note saying you've asked the builders to limit work to between x and x times daily, best of luck with exams.

You offered the use of a quiet place………give her a pair of noise cancelling headphones and get on with your renovations.
Enjoy your new home!

Are you in Ireland like the OP? The library near me is a City library and more like a community centre and it doesn't have enough desks for study space. The acoustics in the building very much means you can hear all the noise, including kids screaming and Rhyme Time being shouted out!

That’s mad! Of course you shouldn’t comply and I say that as the parent of a teen currently in the middle of exams! Even if there wasn’t a financiaL penalty you shouldn’t give in to this nonsense.
The child can study early or later at home pre and post work, go to a friends, go to a library. There a literally 10s of thousands of kids who aren’t able to study at home for all sorts of reason, from lack of space to equipment at home to noisy siblings etc

She's not in the UK so the school access may be not the same. Equally, even in the UK it completely varies as to school access for revision.

You are very kind and caring but please don't be a pushover- it will set a precedent for future CF demands.

Your husband has kindly offered a place to study- that is enough. If they are not happy then tell them that the option is for them to pay 30k.

They might not like you but this should not be a reason for you to bend over. My dh is working from home and we have neighbours doing some noisy work. My dh has asked them about a timeframe and has lent a working space in the meantime. That's what reasonable people do. Everyone hates neighbours having work done but that's just life. And you have been very kind and offered a solution which is more than the majority would think of. Please don't fret about this.

She's not enjoying her home, did you not read the bit stating the works will take until Christmas and they won't be in it until then? I think given the extent of the works and not having to put up with the noise yourself, the neighbour was perfectly fine to ask but they got their reply. It certainly isn't entitled.

You could maybe buy the teen noise cancelling headphones if you want to keep them sweet? The teen will probably be made up and won’t be using you as an excuse for their not studying/succeeding because they are pleased with the material gain.

Thank goodness for posts like this, I thought I was going insane!
My kids are primary age so reading some of the hysterical posts suggesting the OP is basically ruining the kids life and chance at a top university was making me wonder if I’d missed something!

People can’t seriously think life stops because of exams? Are neighbours also not allowed to have dogs or babies or twin toddlers who play in the garden? Honestly this thread oozes of privilege - there are teenagers living in flat blocks or terraces with zero sound proofing who have constant noise. It’s not nice but it’s life.

There are numerous options available to the neighbours - headphones, music, going somewhere else. If it’s hot, buy a fan! This time of year I regularly see groups revising in cafes in town.

I really hope when my eldest does their GCSE’s I don’t become one of these ‘exams are life’ mums.

There is no way I would change my plans for this. Life happens, we had a new property built next to my house as a teenager which took years. It was awful and it disturbed my sleep. Would I look back and attribute blame for it? No way. I can’t imagine being so self absorbed and lacking resilience.

I haven't misunderstood at all, being able to 'cope' with study in a uni library is not a hardship at all, in fact it is a unique selling point, hence why many are 24/7 as the whole premise of university is to go to study. I too wrote most of my undergraduate and post graduate dissertation in the uni libraries as they are the optimum conditions for studying in, you are literally playing thousands for this facility. It is no way a hardship it's the gold plated context to study, it's ashame it's not replicated in state schools or local libraries.

I’m not sure what blocking cars and car Crete mixers down the drains have to do with noise and studying?

It’s like you want lice in a world where no one employs builders or has renovations or extensions done…NGS workers are not the only ones working shifts, so do people at Tescos, but of course you mention NHS workers because that’s emotive, as are new born babies.

meanwhile in the real world people always will and do.have work done.

You see a builders can pull up and go into angry mode!

How odd!

I don’t think I’d like to live next door to someone like you! Nightmare!

Goldenbear, what exactly was entitled about my comments? I simply suggested a way forward and wished the OP well in their new home!

Good point! I used to use Hackney library as a place to study in my masters as my upstairs neighbours set up a ping pong table above my room. The library was amazing—full of teenagers studying socially at big desks. They made me work harder becuase I was so impressed with their studiousness!

Well you don't have teenagers so don't have a clue! Why is it entitled to ask, the OP is doing a massive renovation she won't be living in until Christmas, there's nothing wrong with asking the question and seeing what their say, doing so for your children is not out there in terms of indulgence, it is caring about your child which for some continues beyond the young years. The OP has said it is t possible so there you have it.

It isn't entitled of the neighbours to ask, it is just a question, it is ridiculous to go on about entitlement. Good neighbours do try and behave civilly to accommodate each other. The person asking is not entitled in asking a question!

I think the nastiness against the family is really mean. Also the ops additional
info about them being wealthy is her plugin g into inverse snobbery. See it time and time again on here anyone with resources is seen as deserving of anything they get whilst the plucky low income people are the only ones deserving of sympathy.

Yes I'm going through a huge reconstruction from new neighbours next door. It's been noise and mess for over a year now. They've moved out for the whole time so we have had all the negatives including a huge ugly extension wall making our patio look horrible. I work as a counsellor from home in the afternoons so I had to pay extra rent to have my room for longer because if the noise.

Also the neighbours don’t know it costs £30k to delay etc it’s worth asking. It might have been easy to delay it especially as there’s been such a long delay already so I don’t think that’s an outrageous “entitled” request. 🙄

It’s not awful, it’s a little bit of adversity that needs to be dealt with and overcome. Yes, it’s a stressful time, but students doing exams can’t be shielded from any outside disturbance for weeks on end, that’s not the way the world works. Sometimes factors outside your control make things more difficult for you, you just have to find ways to work around them. Her parents should be helping her with that, facilitating lifts to alternative revision space, suggesting ways to revise at less noisy times, not asking neighbours to postpone work.

My daughter is also going through gcses right now, 2 more weeks of it. I can't say enough how stressful it is for her and how much pressure they're under. Others not in the same boat won't understand. And home with all books and papers, in a quiet, familiar setting, is the best place for study. Can you reach a compromise? Knock off after school time 3.30?? It would send my daughter over the edge, which would be very bad as she's already been suffering with vomiting and not eating through nerves.

With huge reconstructions people usually move out because it’s not possible or safe to live in a building site and the huge ugly wall would’ve been there if they’d have stayed living there or not.

And of course it makes reduced the time the builders significantly as they don’t have to leave a fully working house each evening.

Some neighbours are very blinkered about these things!