New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

Did you introduce yourself to the neighbours and tell them about all the building work you would be doing? If you had they could have told about the exams. I’m assuming these are either GCSE’s or A levels for the child to be studying at home in the day. These exams are crucial and a lot rides on the results, University places etc. If the exams go badly they will 100% blame you and I think you will probably have to move house again quite soon.

Don’t be silly 😂 Was your house built in complete silence?

Well I went to my local library today and while there was toddler time in the seperate kids room, it was quiet and peaceful, with 10 empty desks, in the adult library. I go often, and it's always quiet and peaceful. I've never been trampled by line dancers.

Er this is also a load of nonsense! At my daughter’s school they are now on study leave and there is no option to go into school to study. Exams are not every day and there is no library near us!

And spending an extra £30k doesn't work for everyone most people either, so what do you suggest happens? The child has several possible options, if she and her family think creatively about it and employ a bit of resilience.

Why the hell would they need to move if the neighbours kid doesn't do well in her exams? Do you think they'll put a hex on them?

If they're unreasonable enough to blame the building work on any shortfall in their daughter's predicted grades, aren't they more likely to give them the silent treatment?

What exactly do you think they'll do? Take them to court for damages?

I can’t believe how many people are siding with the neighbours and acting like going to the library to revise is like asking their daughter to jump into a crocodile infested river. They’re incredibly entitled and unreasonable and if I was you OP I’d have laughed at their request because I wouldn’t have thought they were serious. When it transpired they were serious I’d have told them to fuck off!

I work for my local library! Can confirm that plenty of people go there to study without being bounced at or rhymed on.

It's entirely reasonable to do building works on your home within set legal hours. It's lovely and polite to see if it's possible to tweak them if neighbours have one off circumstances but not required. As long as it's within the council's set hours then that is life. It's lovely and kind if you can work around special circumstances of course but that can not always happen. As long as you rigidly keep the hours then that can be planned around.

Maybe instil some kind of resilience into your kid so you’re not raising someone who embodies all the incapable snowflake tropes that get thrown at the younger generations? It’s building work, not the blitz ffs

No. Most students are on study leave now so they can study at home without interruption.

What a strange request. People have real audacity

None of us plan building works to annoy our neighbours,.. chill out ...it is what it is... there will be exams .. neighbors having babies at unplannable times... operations .. heart attacks .. visits from abroad.. prom.. etc .. we all have to knock about with each other .. we can not plan when we are going to exchange on property or move in or have an emergency so as long as we ask our builders etc to be respectful / not work unsociable hours then imo we need to both be understandlng and just crack on ,,,

@Grammarninja are you a people pleaser?

Since when does the world stop spinning because a child is doing exams? This is why this generation is performing less/worse than any other generation before it. Every other did better than the one preceding it. we are raising a generation ill equipped to deal with life.

There’s a difference between living in an actual building site and living next door to one.

surely the neighbours were aware of the planning application so could have used that as an opportunity to discuss daughters exams so that the build could have been planned after her exams? It’s difficult to ask part way in to stop surely?

OP seems reasonable and I’m sure they would have adjusted plans if they’d known about her exams in advance

I am (I think) v v v priviledged and I can not for a moment even think about asking or expecting a neighbour to put off essential building work for a kid's GCSE? I can not believe for a second that they would repay the favour if a parent was having an operation or similar .... can not believe that they would try to find out before they went ahead.

yeah maybe she's destined for The Crucible?

Seriously you cannot expect the world to stop while she's in the midst of exams.. be reasonable

I think it's a bit precious - it's pretty normal to study in a cafe or a library.

I really can't fathom how involved some parents must be? Do you cajole your teenager/young adult through every exam? I was left to crack on with it.

This whole conversation is crazy to me. I can't fathom expecting the world to stop making noise just cos someone has exams. Someone on a residential street will always have something going on. Working nights, a new baby, exams of varying kinds, driving lessons, working from home, etc. Building work is a pain, but there is never going to be a time to do it that doesn't effect someone else.

You could halt your works until after her exams, but what if someone else starts something noisy in the meantime anyway? You've lost thousands of pounds for nothing. Or what if when you restart work, someone has just started an important new work from home role? Noise is part of life, within reason. Not your fault.

The girl can wear ear buds or go to the school library or (as my ds chooses to do) head to the school common room every day, to revise within reach of his teachers so he can ask for help with revision if needed.

How much of the work is internal vs external? Would there be the possibility of the builders working internally during these 3 weeks, which I'd imagine would be a lot quieter from their POV?

30K is a heck of a lot of money. If you can't (understandably!) afford that, you have no choice but to apologise, explain and offer them whatever compromises you can.

You do sound considerate to their needs, so if they hate you despite that, I think it's kind of on them. I would definitely explain that you can't afford to postpone though, so they know it's not you choosing to disregard them.

They're crazy for even asking. It would maybe be different if you were doing DIY improvements and could delay a few weeks, but if you tell them you'd lose 30K by delaying and they still expect you to do it, they can either pay it themselves or find another solution. You've offered a quiet place. They could also use a library or noise cancelling headphones or a friend's house. There are options.

This may sour the neighbourly relations, but oh well. That's how life goes sometimes. Some neighbours are unreasonable, and there's only so much you can do to placate them.

I understand how noise can disrupt revision as I had no where to revise when I was doing my professional exams. I lived in a tiny two-up-two-down with my parents, sister and a baby. Not even a bedroom to myself. I used the central reference library which was open til 9pm and saturdays.

Obviously you cannot put your plans on hold and lose £30k for a neighbour and they have a cheek to ask. It shows a level of entitlement that everything should stop for their precious child. DH has offered her a quiet office space and there are other alternatives like public and school libraries, ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones. The builders will not be at work evenings and weekends.

Tell them how much money a delay will cost you
Their daughter can use the school library or the space your dh has offered her
YANBU