New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

The point is some intermittent noise won’t affect her grades. Building noise is not constant given the nature of the work and the need to take breaks. It tends to be 8:30-5:30 or so 5 days a week, sometimes Saturday mornings. There are plenty of times outside those times
to revise as well as the fact revision can be carried on with a bit of background Noise anyway.

even for “A Star pupils”!

Some of the responses on this thread are insane. One chance at GCSEs?! A lot of posters need a dose of reality.

It’s an unfortunate situation OP and you sound like you’re really beating yourself up over it. But your neighbours are being unreasonable. The world continues to turn despite their DD having exams. Plenty of people have to study for exams amidst noise and distraction.

You’ve apologised. Enough said. If the neighbours continue to push, tell them to put up the 30k.

And sort that shelter business out sooner rather than later. These neighbours are not going to be your friends.

It's something I wouldn't have overlooked - it's a difficult one. Can you at least make sure the builders do not have music blasting out when they are on site - nothing hacks me off more than that and having to go round and "pretty please" to some thoughtless a*hole - the builders work for you so make sure they don't make unnecessary noise(obstruct the neighbours vehicles getting in or out of their driveway, empty the concrete mixer down the road drains, leave litter, etc) or try and get the noisy work done during the time she might be at school but of course she may have study leave ad no doubt she'll be working at home after school. I'd be a bit hacked off if my kids were revising but I think builders are always inconsiderate and messy and the home owners who are having the building work done really don't think enough about the impact on neighbours - NHS workers who work shifts and are asleep during part of the day, parents with new born, people at home who are terminally ill - I've seen all of this over the last few years - all disturbed by building work - the saddest was my good neighbour who spent the last summer of his life in a room dying of pancreatic cancer with horrendous noise from builders opposite through the last 5 months of his life. Where I live every single summer for the past 20 years has been ruined by building work taking up the whole summer. That's a fact not an exaggeration - it's the kind of area, a cul-de-sac, where old people die and houses need renovating.

£550k building project on a semi detached? I can’t get my head around that.

OP, you’re trying to be nice. Worrying about the girl. But thinking logically, you simply can’t pause the build.

you can ensure the project manager is aware and mindful of keeping to reasonable working times. And to warn your neighbours if anything particularly disruptive is planned.

keep telling the neighbours that you appreciate their tolerance. Make sure disruption is kept to a minimum such as ensuring the site is kept clean and mud free. Ask neighbours if there’s anything (reasonable) you can do to minimise their inconvenience

and whatever you do, don’t confide in them how stressful you’re finding it and how much it’s costing you. There’s nothing worse than living next door to a building site and hear the owners complaining about how difficult it is for them while they live off-site.

🤣 I think you may have misunderstood my point.

You’re reading my comment as if I’ve said “university libraries are terrible and students shouldn’t have to use them.” I graduated around 7 years ago, and often studied at my university’s library. Infact I wrote my whole dissertation whilst I was in the library.

My point to PinkCatCushion (who I quoted) is:
If a student can only revise effectively in the exact comforts of their own home, with complete silence, snacks, family support, familiar surroundings and all their belongings around them then they’re going to struggle in many future real life situations where these ideal conditions don’t exist.

Sounds like a former rented house, so it is getting a total gutting.
That will be very expensive.
Costs have doubled since Covid and good builders are scarce.

When did you last go to a library? Silly suggestion, day times are now full of mum and baby rhyme time and knit and natter etc.

I’d be inclined to do this if you can afford to. Shouldn’t have to but it might keep
the peace going forward

so if houses need renovating what do you wNt these people to do? you say people don't consider other enough, that moving to a new area you would have what, I asked everyone's kid ages to work out what possible exams they had, took career lists of everyone so you knew who worked shifts, then made all the planning go quicker / held off and possibly lost your builders / just had a spare 30k sitting around, then got the builders to only work quietly once everyone in the street was up and out the house?

This..such naive comments here until you have a child sitting them and going through stressful revision just to pass. You can't just make a child go study somewhere else it doesn't work for everyone 🙄

where are you that the library is so active it's full of sessions all the time? we have two one hour kids sessions, one hour of knit and natter a week, Lego club once a month, not much else. and that's our small library. the town library always has quiet areas to study.

Would she be able to rest there as well as study? During exams I found this absolutely crucial- either being able to take a proper break from revision or crashing in bed for a while after an exam

You sound so kind and considerate but unfortunately this is just one of those things, it’s not like they are asking builders to start at 8 instead of 7. Apologise and let them know you tried but all contractors have booked in their time and deliveries are coming etc. unfortunately we had a situation as new neighbours where we put neighbours feelings above our own and we are still paying for that decision and they turned out to be not so nice and my forever home has become not so because of the experience. Be kind but don’t put yourself out that much. Your husband’s offer is very generous and there are alternatives whilst builders are working during the day. Enjoy your home

I would definitely do this if I thought it would help but I think it would come across as making light of their situation. They are definitely not short of money. They both drive land-rovers and have the nicest house on the street. Their extension is beautiful and they've done a gorgeous job of the front of their house (we won't be in a position to do similar for several years)
Showing up with noise-cancelling earphones will irritate them, I think.

Of course you can stop works for the price of 30k. Tell them to F off. Noice cancelling earphones or your office is on offer so F off.

I teach on GCSE courses and believe me there will be plenty of last minute revision going on. Not for everyone but for some students and you can't know how much of the week she'll be put unless you know exactly what qualifications she is doing.

There's no bed there but it's incredibly close to her home. It's probably not even 500m. His offices are above the parade of shops just around the corner.

Ffs can the girl not just get a pair of ear defenders or noise cancelling headphones for when she's revising? The neighbours entitlement is strong!

My daughter and the rest of her year had to sit all 8 of her Scottish equivelant exams to GCSEs next to the building site for a new development of flats on the other side of the street to her school. There was a heatwave at the time and they either had to melt or have the windows open and hear pneumatic drills right beside them. They all just got on with it.

When I sat my exams the telephone exchange next door to the school was being demolished, there was a terrific racket in the exam hall, but we pressed on. Its no bad thing to learn how to work with background noise.

Just ignore them, they are CFs.

Your new neighbours sound like they are always going to find something to complain about. Don't feel too guilty, just get on with what needs doing.

My NDN are having a new extension built at the moment, I'm at work most of the time while the builders are in but was home last week and it was seriously noisy.

The main village school I work at is bang next to other buildings and recently Year 6 have been doing SATs while builders are building an extension on the house right next door. It was noisier than you would want it to be during SATs tests but they just had to get on with it.

Many years ago when my sister and I both had exams the same summer (one A levels, one GCSEs), our old house had a complete electrical disaster. We had no power for several weeks while the whole house had to be rewired to modern standards. I can still remember revising by candlelight and torchlight in the evenings! But we survived.

I absolutely feel for any teenager in this situation but you shouldn’t feel bad OP at all. You need to make sure that your builders follow all rules re noise and timing but that’s about it.
I would be apologetic but firm. Your offer of the office is very generous. I wouldn’t buy headphones or even mention them as an option, they could work it out themselves.
I would treat their question as they asked in case it was possible so you looked into it but it’s not.

I had a voice note from a friend this week. Joined on neighbours are having a complete renovation the noise in the back ground was wild. She has one doing GSCES and one doing A Levels. Oldest came to mine for the day. No issues. Honestly you have been more than reasonable offering an alternative space to study.

I haven't read the full thread. But really ? My son is studying for his Masters in Engineering in Paris. He lives in a busy usually quiet block of apartments but with a huge amount of building work going in around him. sometimes his neighbours are noisy. I studied in a city centre flat with a huge amount of noise. It's normal. Noise is normal. Even a lot of noise. No I wouldn't stop work to let her study. That's life. She can go elsewhere during the day. If she is serious she can block it out. She has the generous offer of a place to study from you. Everyone's whole life doesn't revolve around this child's exams. For those saying you need to keep the peace - why it is incumbent on the OP to keep the peace?

I think you're tying yourself in knots and that its not helpful for you or anybody else, so please, be kinder to yourself and stop it.

They made a request, You feel sympathetic to them, and would comply if you could, but you can't. £30k means it's an absolute no go.

You have gone well over and above to offer her an office to work from. She can make use of that, she can find the quietest place in her own home and wear noise cancelling headphones, or she could find a coffee shop, town library, friend or family's house, paid co-working space, or she could shift her day around to work more in the evenings etc etc. It's her family's job to help her to find the best solution to make the most of it, not yours.

Your job is to deliver the news sympathetically but without any wriggle room. "Just to let you know that we have looked into it and unfortunately delaying the works at this stage is just not going to be possible. We do recognise that it's not the outcome that you would wish for, and we are truly sorry for any disruption. We will ensure that any noise doesn't start before X and doesn't continue beyond Y. The offer for X to work at the office is still open, do let us know if she'd like to come and give it a try. Wishing you all the best, X and Y."

If you wanted to, you could gift them a £50 or £100 Amazon voucher "for study materials including anything that helps to mitigate the noise" as a goodwill gesture.

I think it's important that you DO say no to at least some of their requests. The bike rust thing one sounds full on ridiculous, and they would be being VERY unreasonable if they didn't accept you declining to incur £30k additional costs.

But please, stop beating yourself up. You wouldn't have chosen this situation, but here you all are in it and you must all just do your best to get on with it. And dare I say it, but young people could do with developing a bit of resilience. It isn't the worst adversity for her to overcome.