Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

[BeardofHagrid]

Just silly girls’ politics during primary school, falling out with each other, accusations of best friends being stolen etc, could you still hold a grudge against someone for that now?

The context is that I saw a woman I was at primary school with recently in a shop and she stormed out when she saw me. I hadn’t seen her for 30 years.

I am not the same person i was then so why would they be?

This is very true!

I've seen some former bullies from school. I do not purposely go out of my way to avoid them anymore. Instead, I give them filthy looks (unintentional or otherwise!), and watch them squirm. Thankfully, I've moved well away from the area, so I don't have to see them very often!

ex teacher

even in primary some kids can be deeply deeply unpleasant.

some kids get racist abuse, some disabled kids have people calling them names because of their disabilities etc.

i personally have a couple of strong memories from primary school and if I saw those people again I would absolutely avoid them.

it’s very easy for someone who is fundamentally self confident and ok to say that what happened in primary shouldn’t affect you.

but racist abuse etc etc does happen and it really does affect people.

No i grew up obviously this woman hasn't.

I would look back at that now and wonder what was going on at home - they were having underage sex and were bullying girls at school - and be glad that my own home life was better.

A grudge is a grudge no matter how trivial. It stays , matures and ferments .

I was bullied mercilessly for years so yes I hold grudges. I suspect you did more than you admit to here.

Well I certainly wouldn't want to go near the girl who relentlessly bullied me in the last year of primary school, which was 40 years ago. I have no idea what her problem was, I'm autistic so I don't suppose that helped. Were you a bully OP?

Absolutely. Eileen (real name) stole my Action Girl dolls head! I took great pleasure in snubbing her 20 years after.

Wouldn’t recognise her if I saw her in the street, but a girl pushed a friend of a climbing frame in infant school. I hold a grudge against her name ever since. Shame really, it’s actually quite a nice name but if I ever write a book, I’d use this name as the baddie in the story.

I personally wouldn’t. I’m a very different person to when I was I primary school so I’m sure they are too. At mother and toddlers (I was the toddler for the record 🤣) I whacked someone round the head with a fisher price record player, my mum was mortified and hauled me home! Consequence worked as I’ve never hit anyone again!

The class bully from the 70s is still at it from what I hear. The methodology has changed but she’s still a controlling bully. She can stay away from me.

It's nothing to do with luck. It's to do with not forming my identity as an adult around things that children did or said.

You were both 6! Ya know, that age when bedwetting is still common, night terrors, separation anxiety from parents.

We all had shit things said and done to us at school by other children because that's part of childhood.

Because children don't have the knowledge, experience or education to always act appropriately and not be assholes sometimes.

What growing up means is you're an asshole sometimes and sometimes other children are assholes to you. And you realise with maturity, knowledge and experience what is acceptable and what isn't.

We don’t let DC smoke, drink, have sex, get married and so on because they're not mature enough to make those decisions.

Holding a grudge against a 6 year old for 40 years or blaming them for how you feel about yourself as an adult or even as an adolescent is ridiculous.

If a 6 year old upset you now would you think well, they're 6? And let it go? Hopefully so. Then the same applies to when you were both six.

If you'd not be able to let it go now if a 6 year old upset you as a 46 year old adult then you need to have a word with yourself.

Yup. Probably wouldn't storm out though. Very few who were unpleasant at primary/secondary became lovely adults. School is a very consuming part of children's lives and hurt from bullying runs deep and impacts people forever. Bullying quite literally changes your brain chemistry and self esteem. No matter how much the culprit (and others) minimise it.

I’ve forgiven the children who bullied me in primary school. They were just children. I still hate the teachers who treated me horribly and ruined my confidence. They were grown adults who should have known better. I would avoid talking to them if I saw them now. Either that or give them a piece of my mind.

Surely the bullied don't feel the same as the bullies with the passing of time. What is 'silly business' to some is scarring to others

A bit. I was big for my age and taught never to hit smaller children, but that bloody tiny Denise would keep pinching my upper arms with her nails until they bled whenever she saw me, the besom. About 65 years ago now, but I haven't forgiven or forgotten!

This is the reason why teaching in an all-boys school was much easier than all-girls or mixed schools, boys fall out, having a scrap then it's over, girls, as the comments on this thread show, keep animosity going for ever! That's not only towards other girls but to staff too, tell a girl off in Year 7 and she will still remember it at the end of Year 10!

Well red hair is the bonnier of the two so six yr old her was wrong😁

I never forget a thing and I'm a pensioner. It changes how I view the person from then on.

Someone stole a foreign coin from me when she played at my house in the 50's! I tackled her about it and she denied it.

She is still a [distant] friend to this day though but I know there is a side to her that isn't 100% honest.

This reminds me of a Jeremy Vine (radio 2) phone in. The caller said that she only felt free of her childhood bully when she’d heard he’d died, even though she hadn’t interacted with him for years. That’s the effect the bullying had on her.

As someone who has a ten year old daughter who is currently dealing with her own version of Natalie, I'll join you on the Natalie hating bandwagon.

Hm... this is an interesting spin.

Many people are more able to get over being wronged by someone than over the realisation they wronged someone.

There were threads about people receiving letters from those who bullied them, asking for forgiveness (and making it about themselves once again).

It's not unbelievable that someone would run away from a living reminder of their past sins.

Yes. And I do.

I didn't have any issues in primary. There was an awful girl in my secondary school. I wouldn't run away from her if I saw her now, but I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire either.

If you have the initials EW and went to a school beginning with the letter M and had a habit of telling girls in the changing room that they were fat, then I hope you've lived the miserable life you deserve.