Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Dr saying this isn't perimenopause

74 replies

JoyousSquid · 02/06/2026 10:39

I am about to turn 43 and am pretty sure I'm going through perimenopause – my skin has become unbelievably dry (particularly around my face), my periods are now much shorter (1-2 days) but really heavy, I'm all of a sudden suffering from really bad motion sickness (never been an issue), my hair is changing, I feel irritable and very anxious, and I find myself crying at Instagram posts. I went to see my GP (who is elderly and male) and he very helpfully told me I'm "far too young" to be going through perimenopause and that I probably had PCOS (despite this never being an issue and I've also had several internal scans when getting fertility testing done). AIBU to say this is ridiculous?! I have several friends on HRT who have said it's amazing and I want to talk about options with my GP but he insists that I'm not going through peri...

OP posts:
Hangingcrystal · 02/06/2026 15:36

What an idiot.
He needs to do a blood panel to find out where you are.
It sounds indeed likely, but you need a blood test FSH I think its called to see where you are.
I had one at 48 to find I was well on my way. It was another 5 years before my periods stopped though.

Notellinganyone · 02/06/2026 15:39

I would complain- as this is palpable nonsense and he should know better. You also don’t need a blood test - they’re not always accurate anyway. See someone else and ask for HRT.

Peterdottir · 02/06/2026 15:45

OP I am screaming on your behalf. WTF does he think he is saying?!!!!

I was officially in menopause at 42. At first my female GP was sceptical but I explained that both my Mum and her sister had it early too.

I hope you can switch GPs and get the support you need x

practicalmagictime · 02/06/2026 15:47

I went to my GP at 41
they said sounds like peri, do you want gel or patch? Also we need to do a raft of bloods to make sure it’s nothing else and an ECG
covered all bases

LatteLady · 02/06/2026 15:50

I help run the Menopause network at my day job... I have a list of 46 verified symptoms from various sources.

And separately, I remember from way back when I did a Saturday job, one of my colleagues was fully menopausal at 36... her mother was just 34.

Also to note, medics, if they are lucky get half a day on "women's issues" and some med schools will attempt to allow them to opt out...

DramaAlpaca · 02/06/2026 16:04

Gosh, OP, sorry to hear your GP is so dismissive and clueless. Your symptoms absolutely do sound like perimenopause.

Blood tests are a good idea to rule out anything else, but they can only diagnose perimenopause if the test is taken on the 'right' day, so to speak. Your hormones will be up and down on a daily basis if you're in peri, sometimes 'normal', sometimes not, so at your age a hormonal check is likely to be wildly inaccurate.

GPs are supposed to diagnose the need for HRT on symptoms. At 43 you are highly likely to be in the early perimenopausal stage; I certainly was at that age though it took me a couple more years to put two and two together - at which point I went to my GP.

One home test I did find helpful (but later on, in my early 50s when I wanted to know if I was out the other side) was a menopause test which you can buy online. It works like a pregnancy test to check your FSH levels. IIRC, you do a test on the first day of your period (or any day if you no longer have a cycle) and then again four weeks later. It doesn't show your exact levels of FSH and doesn't definitively diagnose menopause, but it tells you if your levels are high. If FSH is consistently high over time it's a sign that you are no longer ovulating.

needapokerface · 02/06/2026 16:15

I started going through peri menopause at 39 and had lots of lovely symptoms, suffered for 9 months and thought I'd make an appointment at my GP's. Saw him got dismissed and told that millions of women have the same symptons and left the surgery crying (i'm not a crier but he made me feel so bloody stupid).

Suffered for another 18 months then asked to see one of the female GP's well that was worse she looked like she had just left school and was not sympathetic at all, not interested in anything I was saying and as I was leaving I mentioned that when she hits this lovely age and she has all the symptoms that I have I hope her GP treats her the way she just treated me.

I'm now 56 and still have some symptoms but not all and could still quite happily strangle the GP's who made me feel so inferior and stupid that day.

Keep pushing as you know how you feel and not everyone goes through the same menopause journey

Ladymuffins · 02/06/2026 17:10

Get a second opinion and also complain to your GP practice about this man following outdated menopause guidelines and being dismissive.

Even the NHS guidelines set peri between 45 and 55 "but can start earlier" https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause-and-perimenopause/

nhs.uk

Menopause and perimenopause

Find out about menopause and perimenopause symptoms, treatments and things you can do to help.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause-and-perimenopause

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 02/06/2026 17:14

You should ask to be referred to a Menopause Specialist. Or ask your GP to ask advice from one.

DryTerryandJUNE · 02/06/2026 17:27

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 02/06/2026 17:14

You should ask to be referred to a Menopause Specialist. Or ask your GP to ask advice from one.

It's quite extraordinary that there is a need for menopause specialists. Almost 100% of women will go through menopause if they live to be old enough, it shouldn't be a specialisation.
The NHS will need to adjust it's guidelines. With puberty starting at younger ages, menopause will as well (as the eggs are used up sooner). I started periods a year or two before most of my friends and am almost in full menopause at age 45.
The lack of research makes no sense. It seems to be in everyone's interests to treat the symptoms, lots of women are not sweetness and light to be around ... if I was a medical researcher I'd be all over it!

Macmeme · 02/06/2026 22:38

I ahd the same at 43 (nearly 44). Dr literally looked at me and said "bit young", referred me for blood tests which came back as normal. I asked to see another Dr to review, pretty much cried, he put me on the pill and suggested some 'lifestyle changes you know weight loss, exercise. I explained i do all these things (I really do prioritise exervise, it keeps me ticking over), i have time for hobbies, i have a husband that pulls his weight etc.

Anyway long and short of it is the pill does seem to have helped.... i ehar once you gwt to 45 GPs are a bit happier to give out HRt so I live in hope x

Walnutslooklikebrains · 03/06/2026 17:01

DryTerryandJUNE · 02/06/2026 13:19

Find your voices ladies. You have to advocate for yourself and do it with total conviction.

That's all very well to say, but we see absolute hypochondriacs on here, as well as those who are at the other extreme and brushing off a broken leg as "a bit sore". It's like when people say, "a mother knows best," when they very often don't.
It's also difficult to have total conviction without being a trained medic. Some women experience awful symptoms of the menopause, whose to say the headaches aren't as bad as aneurysm headaches? Also some people are strong as oxes whilst others are total wimps.
It just isn't as simple as "finding your voices".

Well it absolutely is as simple as that.

'It's also difficult to have total conviction without being a trained medic.' I strongly disagree. People know their own bodies better than anyone. We know when something isn't right.

Sharptonguedwoman · 03/06/2026 17:04

JoyousSquid · 02/06/2026 10:47

I had to ask several times for him to refer me for blood tests (these are now booked for next week) but yes I think I am going to have to find a new GP. It's absolutely ridiculous that a male GP is telling a 43 year old woman she's "too young" for perimenopause... I'm feeling pretty angry about it (but that could also just be another fun symptom!🙃)

The motion sickness is not something I was expecting - and it's awful!

Definitely the blood tests and persist. GP is an idiot. It took my GP practice for ever to work out I was peri and I was very unwell with palpitations. I was about 44. If the tests come back inconclusive, I'd ask for a second opinion and a female GP.

Walnutslooklikebrains · 03/06/2026 17:05

MotherofPufflings · 02/06/2026 13:35

Exactly - see above case of an aneurysm being caused by hormones.

I didn't say an aneurysm was caused by hormones, I said the Dr attributed the symptoms of this to menopause rather than investigating it as something more serious.

MissBridgetJones · 03/06/2026 17:09

A blood test is not very helpful, it’s a snap shot in time, and hormones change through the month.

I have been on HRT for 2 years. Just turned 46. I reckon I started Perimenopause at 40!

MotherofPufflings · 03/06/2026 18:25

Walnutslooklikebrains · 03/06/2026 17:05

I didn't say an aneurysm was caused by hormones, I said the Dr attributed the symptoms of this to menopause rather than investigating it as something more serious.

Badly worded by me, but my point was that serious health problems are being missed by symptoms being misattributed to hormones/perimenopause.

Shuffletoesxtreme · 03/06/2026 18:27

Sparkletastic · 02/06/2026 12:40

Could well be peri but I hope he’s ordered a thyroid function test as your symptoms all fit hypothyroidism too.

Yes defo rule out thyroid first

snowie75 · 03/06/2026 19:21

I went to see my female gp and said I think I'm in peri. She asked my symptoms and said what HRT would you like? Patches, gel or spray? And she would prescribe progesterone tablets until my coil was changed (it's 7 years old this month). It was that simple.

BoarBrush · 03/06/2026 19:51

We're lucky that one of the GP's at our surgery is really focused on women's health, menopause as the leading one. I'm very lucky in that he's my named gp and if he ever comes across something he's not familiarised himself with in a while or not sure on current recommendations he'll ask if he can take the evening to read up properly and will call you that evening or early the next morning.

I say this is I sit here having a massive hot flush, and having not slept at all for the last 3 nights, guess it's about time I get an appointment.

RhiannonEMumsnet · 04/06/2026 11:40

Hi OP, we're really sorry to hear about your experience. We thought users on this thread might be interested to know that we're currently running a campaign to tackle medical misogyny, and one of our asks is that clinicians get proper training on things like menopause to ensure that women aren't dismissed in this way. You can find out more about the campaign here and our petition on medical education is here. Please do sign and share!

Thanks,
MNHQ

C152 · 04/06/2026 12:25

RhiannonEMumsnet · 04/06/2026 11:40

Hi OP, we're really sorry to hear about your experience. We thought users on this thread might be interested to know that we're currently running a campaign to tackle medical misogyny, and one of our asks is that clinicians get proper training on things like menopause to ensure that women aren't dismissed in this way. You can find out more about the campaign here and our petition on medical education is here. Please do sign and share!

Thanks,
MNHQ

Petition signed, but it's a much larger issue. It's not just women seeking help for women's issues that get dismissed. It's women. I can state something factual in hospital in reference to my son's care and be completely ignored - not dismissed, totally unacknowledged, as if I haven't spoken at all. 2 min later, my (male) ex will say exactly the same thing (in the same way, using the same words) and the Dr will nod and ask to be told more about this fascinating insight. Women's health won't change without society changing and we live in a deeply misogynistic society.

Comeonelieen · 04/06/2026 13:32

Fairly certain my peri symptoms started at 40. Lucky old me 🙈

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 04/06/2026 13:47

I'm the same age, been in peri for approx 2-3 years now and was coping ok until recently. I specifically asked to speak to the female GP at my surgery and was amazed when she trotted out the "you're far too young" outdated thinking bullshit!

I stood my ground and was reluctantly started on HRT. Given you have bloods booked quite soon to rule out other causes I'd wait for those results and then politely and firmly don't take no for an answer

princessbananahammock252 · 04/06/2026 15:13

Blood tests are part of the checklist but generally aren’t considered reliable to determine whether you are perimenopausal. I believe this to be dependent on your NHS trust, but with our trust, each GP has a dedicated HRT/Menopause ‘expert’ so you could see if that is something your surgery has. I asked my surgery to put me in touch with our expert at first point and honestly she’s been nothing short of fantastic. No waiting around at all. Her official title is HRT pharmacist if that helps.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page