I can’t do this anymore, how is any of this remotely enjoyable?

[Atghuu]

DS is 3.5,

Ex sees him every couple of weeks for a day or so at a weekend. He won’t have him overnight, I’ve asked.

I work full time and from the MOMENT I open my eyes to the moment DS goes to bed I feel utterly got at. My job is very hard and I have huge responsibilities and even going to work feels like a holiday.

I am so emotionally exhausted I can barely type this but it’s things like shouting, suddenly having a tantrum out of the blue, the CONSTANT questions to the point I can’t even think some mornings. The whining. Oh my god it’s awful.

i try my best I really do. Always apologise if I’ve got cross. Always chat on the way to nursery and try and really listen. We do nice things together at weekends and I collect him early from nursery wherever possible so he’s never home later than 5 and we have a proper evening together.

I just can’t bear the moaning and the whinging and the tantrums. I just hate it. I don’t have any moments for myself in the week (and a lot of weekends are like this too), it’s just horrendous at the moment

Mine has just started sleeping through the night just before 3rd birthday so hang in there!

Why isn't the Dad a stressed single parent to a toddler 50% of the time? Doesn't seems particularly modern or fair. I suggest you say: I'll either leave my job and be a full time parent (who you support financially) or we do 50/50, or you leave your job. How does he get to "refuse" to have him overnight? Match his energy. "Refuse" to have him tonight. "Hi, sperm donor, I'm the egg donor, nice to meet you. Shall we put him up for adoption or are you going to actually parent your own child?!" Why are you letting him not parent his child? Why is "he won't have him" even a concept? Tough shit, you're his Dad would be my response.

This!!! I book either a full or half day on a day when she's at nursery to just have some time alone 😂🤣usually on a Thursday so I can get ahead for the weekend and feel slightly less frazzled for the weekend.

OP, it doesn't feel like it now, but it does get easier I promise, but please prioritise yourself just a little - you might find whilst it doesn't help the whining, that it does help how YOU handle the whining.

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Ex sees him every couple of weeks for a day or so at a weekend. He won’t have him overnight, I’ve asked

Must be nice to view parenting obligations as optional

Thanks! I’m praying it will come soon 😅

No court can force him to have the dc 50/50. Very shit but if he doesn’t agree to it, nothing OP can do.

@JJWT because you can't force another adult to do anything? If she quits her job she'll be without an income for a few months until she's allowed to claim UC, who'll then force her to look for a job! She can't force her ex to financially support her or to have the DC overnight.

To whoever was sneering at the idea of a playpen...
Yes, so she doesn't have to watch him 24/7. He's clearly not capable of entertaining himself at the moment or he wouldn't be bothering her incessantly, so I wouldn't trust him not to be getting all up into everything he shouldn't be, if her back is turned. It's not possible for her to relax when there's a possibility mischief is occurring, the idea is to contain the child safely so that she can breathe a sigh of relief and take half hour to herself on a regular basis. It shouldn't be a difficult concept to grasp.

I sympathise OP, it is so hard and without end. I am not sure what to advise, except to say you have to find and do the things which give you the energy to keep you going, it's not selfish to get this . But easier said than done. :-(.

Thomas the tank engine videos saved us.

Hmv had loads. We'd go buy one at the weekend and then my son would watch them crashes and smashes was great!

You aren’t alone OP
my ex husband left when twins were a year old - sees them for an hour or two a month. They are 4 now
the constant whinging nagging fighting arguing noise noise noise is just so triggering. I also work full time in a challenging job. I don’t have a magical fix and I don’t know if it does getter easier or if I’ve just become used to it so handle things (slightly) better than I used to! Caffeine sugar and alcohol is what gets me through!

It’s so hard on your own and it’s relentless. I’m not sure that I can offer anything apart from sympathy but you have that in buckets, I remember being where you are so well. It gets better.

You're in the trenches. 3 is a hard age to navigate. Harder when we don't have the village we used to have.

Not much comfort, but it does end. They start school and it's a different new chapter.

You are working fulltime as a single parent. That is incredibly hard and you are doing amazingly well just to be getting through the day.

In your shoes I'd pick him up from nursery later a couple of days a week and have a little bit of time to just breathe with no demands on your time.

Do you have friends with children? I find parenting with other mums infinitely easier and more enjoyable than going it alone. A trip to the park with another mum gives you a chance to chat to an adult whilst your kids play and it's just more companionable to feel like you're in it together (even if the children are being demanding). If you don't already have mum friends, try inviting someone from nursery under the guise of 'Thomas is just desperate for a play date with your little one!".

Also, a little bit of screen time won't hurt him... neither will wearing headphones every now and again to dampen the constant noise.

As my Mum said to me.....these days will pass. Hang in there, you are doing amazing.

Great idea. I have 3 and 4 year old and I used to take holidays off with them and be exhausted! When I can , I’ll take two days off together every two months and just sit at home and sleep . The joy!

Is your ex paying maintenance?

It is shameful he won’t commit to seeing your son regularly.

There have been many times over the years when I haven’t been able to see how I can possibly cope with another day. But of course you do and then it gets a bit easier, until you enter a new patch and it’s impossible all over again, and then it alleviates, and so on & so forth. Eventually the tough patches space out and the intensity of them weakens, and in time the positives outweigh anything else.

It’s a lovely feeling when you get there but obviously that doesn’t help you now. This is probably shit advice but honestly when I’ve felt as hopeless and burnt out as it sounds like you do now, I’ve been to the GP and got myself on sertraline, and while it doesn’t fix anything, it has taken the edge off things and made it feel a bit easier to cope. Just a thought.

@Mangochutney33 I’m not sneering but some three and a half year olds are only a few months away from starting reception! They can’t be contained in a pram or playpen.

YANBU, but you can make it easier for yourself by not worrying if you loose your temper. It's normal and maybe he'll actually understand you instead of you trying to talk him down with 100 words. If you say No, mean it and gently make him do what you want straight away.

If you need more time to yourself, stop collecting him early.