To think a daily shower is not excessive for a 12 & 14 YO?

[Question2288]

DP has just decreed a daily shower as ‘excessive’ and they are absolutely not to have them.

Op how old is your shared child?

What's your plan going forward? You can't allow this man to ruin your kids teen years.
I don't know what their relationship with their Dad is but you don't want them to decide that moving in with Dad is a better option. At 12 & 14 they'll be little you could do about it.

You’ve got got three lovely children. Get him out of there ASAP so you can enjoy the time you have left with them as children.

How can you sleep with/in the same bed with someone who doesn’t shower daily? That’s disgusting. My 14 year reeks to high heaven if he doesn’t bathe or shower at least once a day.

Everybody should shower every day.

A show need only take a couple of minutes. They don’t need to wash their hair daily, but some soap and a rinse in smelly crevices, like under the arms, is a good habit. Mine tend to go into some kind of revery and spend far too long in the shower. If that’s a problem, give them an egg timer.

He doesn’t get to tell your kids what to do and they will take as many showers as they need.

Its your job to protect and advocate for your kids OP and safeguard them from shit like this.

If you can’t do that with him under your roof he needs to leave (or you do).

I’m sorry to break it to you, but other people will likely notice a stale smell. People smell if they don’t wash thoroughly everyday. Yes, some smell worse than others, but we all smell. Skin is our biggest organ, take care of it.

Godu sons would deffo agree with your DP I however make sure they shower daily as teem boys smell odious 👀🫣

Three showers a week! That’s disgusting @Question2288 OP. I wouldn’t let him near me, especially if he wanted ‘you-know-what!’.

Everyone should be showering daily from the tweens upwards.

Bless you. It’s hard ending a relationship even more so if still have to have contact with them due to a joint child

how old is child / will the dad want 50/50

but yes you do need to leave as this is an abused relationship and will only get worse

I’m from the days where babies and toddlers got a shallow bath daily .
And as school aged kids we didn’t get that , a big performance was made about putting the immersion heat on for hot water and I hated that 😩
We also didn’t have a shower 🚿so not possible to have a short daily shower .
As soon as I had access to a shower I had one daily and encouraged my children to do the same .
I did discourage ridiculously long showers because they’d use up all the hot water and the bathroom would be like a steam room , encouraging damp .
Also even my hairdresser says hair doesn’t need to be washed every day ( she’s talking about long hair ) so your children should be allowed to have a daily short shower

What makes him think he gets to 'decree' anything, especially about other people's personal hygiene?

Your DH has clearly never spent a hot day in a classroom full of teens. Between deodorant, cologne, hair products it's aromatic enough without adding BO and feet into the mix.

How is a guy who washes 3 times a week and thinks the whole family should also do this appealing exactly? Sounds utterly grim. I think most people wash daily. Young children don’t need washing every day but after puberty they do. My 16 yo DS absolutely reeks to high heavens when he wakes up, he just stinks of vinegar?? He definitely can’t get away without washing every morning!

Tell him that if he wants to smell that's fine but you and your children don't. My husband showers daily, sometimes twice. I will have a quick 5 minute shower daily and a longer one, washing my hair and shaving my legs a couple of times a week.

@mycarhasnoaircon
He is abusive. The op has said this is just one of hundreds of examples of his behaviour towards her children and her.

How true.

They might not smell yet especially at 12, my DC is 13 and has zero BO yet.

He doesn't shower every day (yet).

He doesn’t shower every day? YUCK ! How do you sleep with him and have sex with him 😬🫣 Dread to think what his pillow looks like 🤢

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-statutory-guidance-framework/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-statutory-guidance-framework-accessible

We’re not shower every day people, namely it’s over a bath and im disabled. But a thorough wash with proper soapy and a sink of water happens twice a day. All crevices. Cold water even in winter was my norm. I used to be piss poor. Soap and some cold water though really does cost almost nothing.

I'm not gonna say it's essential for tweens to shower everyday. My objection is that people love to show off about how often they shower as if it's somehow makes them better. In my mind, it often hides insecurities as if they see themselves as inherently 'unclean'. It easily tips into obsession - see above about showering 3 times a day. That is just not healthy for the skin microbiome and will be very drying. I've seen teens become obsessed with showering and I think once a day is more than enough in most circumstances.

That said, I'd say it's common for teens for want to shower everyday and it's certainly necessary if they smell.

Does he say why he thinks showering daily is excessive ?
What do you say when he says your teens shouldn't shower daily?

Definitely teens need to shower once a day...especially if playing sports.

I wouldn’t want to live in a house with teens / almost teens who didn’t shower every day! My 14 year old showers at home in the morning before school and at night after swim training (or the other way round it he has swum in the morning and been for a run in the evening. The 12 year old showers every morning before school and sometimes again at night if he’s been out playing rugby /football or been running etc.