AIBU to ask my daughter not to bring her dog to stay?

[ForZanyTraybake]

My daughter and her husband are coming to stay with me in July, they come every summer and stay for about three weeks. This year I've asked them not to bring their German shepherd as I find it quite annoying as it barks constantly being in strange surroundings and my neighbours have also complained. Aibu to ask that they put it into kennels? I don't want to upset them as I love their company and look forward to seeing them. Thanks.

I think it’s the length of time too. Most people wouldn’t leave their dog for 3 weeks.

OP I think, as per pp, the only compromise is them getting a dog friendly air BnB and offer to pay half maybe? If you’ve always had the dog in the past it wouldn’t be unreasonable for them to assume it would be ok this time too, but if this has been arranged a while and you haven’t raised the fact that you don’t want the dog there, it’s a bit rubbish to drop it on them a month before they’re supposed to travel.

Anywhere around here, kennels would be fully booked by now for the school summer hols period.

If my parents did this they know very well that I wouldn’t come. Be prepared for that.

I would be careful that it might end a lovely tradition. I’d love my daughter to stay for three weeks. Maybe research ways to help the dog be calmer instead of asking him not to come.

3 weeks is far too long to kennel imo and if the dog does have behavioural issues I reckon this would make them worse. It's your house but as others have said, be prepared for them not to come. I've been on both sides, as the owner of a challenging dog and also as someone having to deal with someone else's dog who had v significant behaviour problems making days seem like weeks.
Looks like new traditions are needed, maybe finding a dog friendly Airbnb that they can stay at each year.

up to you, but i’d imagine their visit will be a lot shorter as 3wks in kennels is very expensive. I’d just tolerate it so I could spend time with my child, but then I adore dogs.

I'd be the same. No way would I kennel my dog for 3 weeks. Why don't you go up to stay with them instead @ForZanyTraybake?

When I go to see my dad I book a dog friendly B&B because he lives in a flat and it isn’t big enough for us all plus the dog. It is expensive and I go less often than when he lived in a house where I could take the dog for free. I love him just as much I just can’t afford it. The dog is a reality in my life and I can’t change it. It’s really short notice now to say they can’t bring the dog in July. Kennels will be booked and so might holiday cottages in Cornwall in July so you would be essentially saying ‘don’t come’. I think you need to suck it up this year and discuss ways to make it better. What triggers the barking? Is the dog being left alone? Is it barking at passers by? You could do something about those issues. GSD are very trainable.

Is there a reason you can't go to them? I think it is not unreasonable to ask but be prepared that they might not come or for not as long. I agree with other posters that it is best to give as much notice as possible if pets are not welcome.

You can ask them but be prepared that they either only stay for the weekend or don’t come. My fil invited us to see his new caravan but without the dog. It was peak holiday season and I couldn’t get him into kennels anywhere. We ended up not going. He asked us to postpone it by a year, but we’d worked out the kennel costs and decided the money would be better spent going elsewhere in a caravan. Also we both work and would prefer to holiday with our lovely dog than to lock him up.

Just talk to them about your concerns and the neighbours mentioning the barking.

See what they say.

If they don’t know the problems they can’t address them.

They might not be able to come without the dog, could you go there if that is the case?

Or they might agree to a very long morning walk to help tire the dog out. Or be on the barking this time.

Who knows just talk to them.

OP do they work from home at yours or are they using three weeks of their annual leave to spend with you every year?

YANBU to ask, but they may not come.
Both are understandable.

Can you suggest that this year they come with dog but that they look at things like calming plug ins, and other calming products that may help him be less on edge? Or is he just a barky dog anyway even at home?

When I've had a dog I wouldn't have put it in kennels for three weeks, but I'd not have taken him to a dog free home for three weeks either.

I have a relative with a barky dog and even after a few hours visiting them I'm glad to rest my ears.

Don’t put your moany neighbours above your DD. Three weeks a year! They can manage that surely unless it’s constant barking 🤷🏼‍♀️

You can suggest it but then you probably won’t see them. 3 weeks is too long to leave a dog, kennels will be hard to get a place in and most kennels wouldn’t take a dog for that length of time when they’ve never had it before. So depends how important your daughter is to you.

If the dog barks constantly ( really? Morning, noon and all night? ) in strange places, it will be very distressed in kennels.
I wouldn't do it, even if I could afford it, and there was availability in the summer.
Maybe you could visit them.

Perhaps it's the three weeks that's excessive, but for PP who say that simply wouldn't go, did you ever consider the impact of getting a dog on your wider family?

I'm curious because a relative has recently got a dog and it's definitely changed the family dynamic in terms of what we can together (venues have to be dog friendly as owner very reluctant to leave dog alone in general). This can be quite limiting as there are only so many times you can go for walks or to a park. It's also assumed that the dog is welcome overnight (I don't mind, but I don't enjoy cleaning up afterwards).

Was this ever a consideration or did you just assume that your family would accommodate your dog?o9

Depends how much you want them to come and stay I suppose, I very much doubt they’ll be able to/want to leave him at this stage.

You could suggest a dog friendly Airbnb or something nearby?

I did consider it yes but family outings and meet ups are an occasional thing monthly at most. The dog is every day companionship and exercise. Our wider family on both sides had dogs already so it wasn’t considered an odd thing to do. But yes I accept it is always a consideration on days out either to go to a dog friendly place or to come back earlier to walk him and not leave him for too long. Dogs that can’t be left I would imagine are more of an issue and that needs careful selection and training and even then you can’t guarantee. You get the dog you get and you make a commitment to them that should be honoured IMHO.

I did consider the impact my dog would have on the family, but ultimately he’s with me everyday, I only ever visited my parents every few months and that can easily be altered so we meet elsewhere or they come to me.

My dog has improved my life immensely - both in terms of my mental health and my physical health.

No, but we are a doggy family and have always had a couple of hounds knocking about. They’ve always been trained to be able to be left for days out/meals etc but if we can take them we do. For UK holidays they come, for abroad holidays they stay with one of our many similarly dog mad extended relations or friends.
An aunt who showed at Crufts once had five border collies and a papillon at the same time, that was a bit mental but other than that works fine for us.

YANBU to ask them not to bring the dog.

YABU to ask that they put it in kennels.

What they do is up to them, house/dog sitter, leave with a friend, stay somewhere close to you that allows dogs etc.

Leave the planing of what to do to them as they may be offened that you think they're the sort to leave their dog in kennels for that long.