AIBU to ask my daughter not to bring her dog to stay?

[ForZanyTraybake]

My daughter and her husband are coming to stay with me in July, they come every summer and stay for about three weeks. This year I've asked them not to bring their German shepherd as I find it quite annoying as it barks constantly being in strange surroundings and my neighbours have also complained. Aibu to ask that they put it into kennels? I don't want to upset them as I love their company and look forward to seeing them. Thanks.

Why is it controlling not to want to host a big dog in your house for three weeks? Especially one that barks a lot and is obviously not happy in the house?

Bur it's not your parents fault you don't visit them. It was your choice to prioritise having a dog over visiting your parents.

Is this like a rage bait, "I hate dogs," thread?

If so, pretty boring.

What on earth are you talking about?

I never said it was their fault - and I do still visit them!
I also don't prioritise having a dog over visiting them - I just can't stay at their house as often anymore - we still see each other just as much

I never said it was

Do you make a habit of putting words into people's mouths?

They might not be able to find kennels or a sitter so late so might not come. A compromise would be if they stayed in a hotel or self catering place that accepts dogs and you contribute to the cost.

You’re not unreasonable for not wanting a dog in your house however the fact that you’ve previously let them bring it has set a standard and they are definitely go to feel a certain way about you changing the rules now.

Just be prepared for them to cancel. I personally only stay at families houses where my dog can come as I wouldn’t dream of using kennels etc.

I make it very clear that it’s their home and their decision and there’s absolutely no hard feelings if they don’t want the dogs staying but that also means unfortunately I can’t either.

You don't know when she told them. She just said this year she has asked them not to bring the dog she may have asked them months or weeks ago. And actually I think the onus should always be on the dog owner to check whether it's alright to bring the dogs before making any plans not on the host to ask them not to.
I think the OP is very unfairly getting a hard time from some people.

Why should she contribute to the costs? Surely the dog is tej daughter's responsibility?

My parents got a dog when DD was a tiny baby and they used to stay with us, with the dog for a couple of weeks at a time, and we have cats as well. We all rubbed along just fine together. Surely the dog would get used to it and not find his surroundings strange after a time.

If the dog came before and the trip has been planned for a while, the onus is on the OP to say she isn't happy about the dog.

My thoughts exactly.

To some dog owners/dog owning couples they take their dog with them to places and see it as a family visit. If they aren't able to take the dog with them, it is less enjoyable as they're leaving one family member out, missing them wondering how they're doing can't wait to see them again etc.

I understand that to people who aren't dog lovers don't understand this, but it is true. The fact you're calling the dog 'it' suggests you are of that mindset. And then you add on all the expense and extra rigmarole of putting a dog into kennels or alternative care and the 'holiday' becomes much less appealing. So yes, you do not have to accept the dog into your home of course, but you may find they are no longer happy to come.

I dont mind dogs in my house my daughter and my brother brings thiers , but they are not really a bother though just sleep and run around a bit, l couldn't be doing with 3 weeks of barking.
I know my daughter wouldn't come without her dog though, and ld rather see her than not see her

But three weeks is a long time for a dog in kennels

It's a long time for op and her neighbours to put up with a dog that barks constantly.

Solution would be for dd to visit her parents and husband stay at home with the dog.

Why do they both come for three weeks? Does op live in a popular holiday spot?

I think I'd tell a little white lie and say a number of neighbours have complained.

OP says neighbours have complained!

It is a long time, but an annoyance to neighbours is not as detrimental to them as OPs daughter/SIL would have if they had a traumatised dog to deal with after their visit. For many dog owners, that visit would simply not be worth it and that's ignoring how awful it would be for the dog.

Many dogs are very unhappy in kennels. I doubt mine would ever recover.

Don't dogs need to have had extra vaccinations for some kennels too? Or has my brain just made that up?

Of course you are not being unreasonable. I wouldn’t allow a dog into my house for 3 minutes let alone 3 weeks. It sounds awful. I think your daughter is extremely inconsiderate to expect you to do it.

Only because she’s not giving them a lot of notice to make alternative arrangements. I absolutely agree the dog is her daughter’s responsibility.

I love dogs and have one, but you entirely within your rights not to want to host a dog. However if you do so you need to expect, and be ok with, them not coming for so long or possibly not at all. Kennels are expensive and stressful and no responsible dog owner would leave their dogs in one for so long just for a holiday, especially if the dog is a pet and he’d to living in a house, having company etc. By way of an idea I recently paid just over £275 to board my dog for April days, so kennels would be north of £400 for a decent kennel for that long.

@ForZanyTraybake , they might not come. Many people view their dogs as family. My son brings his dog who admittedly I adore when he stays but I expect him to be on top of her needs and he doesn’t stay longer than four or five days. I’d be asking if there was anything which might make the dog feel more comfortable and try that first.

The original post says the daughter had already been asked not to bring the dog. The AIBU question was regarding kennels. The only response can be yes you are being unreasonable - you can choose not to have the dog in your house but you can’t stipulate where it stays.

Not that the op will be back because this isn’t actually a real situation.

You're not being unreasonable not to host the dog, they wouldn't be unreasonable in not coming to stay if they didn't work for them.

How far away are they coming from that they usually stay for 3 weeks?!

They live in Scotland and I'm in Cornwall.

Could you contribute to a dog-friendly Airbnb for them? I also wouldn't be keen to have a doggy guest for 3 weeks.

You’re not unreasonable for preferring not to have a dog in your house. But equally, they would not be unreasonable for staying at home with their dog. There’s no way I would put my dog in kennels for 3 weeks. So it just depends on what’s more important to you; having a dog free house, or having them stay with you. Could you just visit them instead?

Haven't read all the posts here but you could suggest free house sitters for their dog? Eg Trusted Housesitters. Might get someone at short notice - and good for next time.i