Aibu to tell my 18 year old to stop ranting at me?

[NoahsArkandtigers]

I love my 18 year old daughter very much however she has acquired a habit of ranting at me and everyone else that is very difficult to accept. It’s unpleasant to listen to a person half yelling their views. She is very politically engaged and I actually agree with everything she says, I just hate the way she says it. I hate the monologues. I hate the way every interruption irritate her but if I didn’t interrupt she would speak without ever letting anyone else speak. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. I think she is very unhappy with the state of the country and this is her release.

Remind her that Hitler loved a good rant to force his opinions on his audience - and does she want to dictate or persuade?

This sounds familiar! DD now 19/nearly 20 and has improved a lot. She has a level of ASD which definitely contributed to inflexibility of views and inability to 'read the room' and see others getting bored. It led to tears a year ago when DH got fed up on holiday of being ranted at and blamed for all the failings of men (most of which he really really has never exhibited) and called her out on it vociferously. I hope that maturity may well do the same thing for yours! Living away from home at uni and mixing with others more, plus working in hospitality and biting her tongue I think have all helped.

My ds is 21 with ASD.

I feel your pain 🤣

I’ve taken to calmly responding with “are you seriously lecturing someone more than twice your age about things they already know about?”

followed by

“we can discuss your views on the subject if you want. But I don’t need teaching”

ASD?

Nothing more irritating than an 18 year old on a political soapbox. Get her to uni and into a debating society to give you some peace!

Talking of soapboxes, do you live near London? If so take her to Hyde Park on a Sunday morning and put her on the soap box where she can rant talk to anyone who’ll listen.

Oof.
She sounds exhausting and I can imagine no one else will listen to that.
I am sure she will grow out of it.
Do tell her to write it down or something

Sadly Speakers Corner has been completely taken over by religious men. Both Islamists and Evangelical Christians.
An 18 y o girl wouldn't get a look in.

I love this idea!! We live in London but I don’t think she’s ever been. I might bring her there and tell her she’s among her kind 😁😁

Nope. Definitely not ASD

This is it exactly. I know so much more than her and I don’t need lecturing

YANBU, I can't stand being ranted at, even if their not angry at me

My children are only 9 and 11 but they know that if their angry they need to still come and tell calmly, coming in raising voices or ranting at me and their quickly told to go away until they can speak to me properly ( i am autistic and I'm really sensitive to angry energy, it gives me adrenaline rush )

This was me when I came back from my first semester at uni after going IR for less than three months… CRINGE!! It’s probably a phase and she will definitely look back and be embarrassed, right now I’m thinking about it and I have to laugh or I’ll cry with embarrassment.

My DN is having her little political awakening at the moment, she’s going to single handedly save Scotland btw so watch this space.

It’s part of normal development imo, but you don’t have to let her be disrespectful.

Just be open & honest with her. What she says may be right but the second she starts ranting & monologuing people will switch off & not listen.

she sound like she could do with some meditation exercises & maybe look at joining something like a debating group where she can learn to get her opinion across in the right way

I’d have to say that I’m finding being ranted at emotionally draining. It would lower the quality of my life to be ranted at and I’d not accept it.

I would question if a person that compulsively rants is quite well mentally.

could be time to step away from social media politics obsessing and create some balance with more nourishing, wider, interests.

Just keep asking her to repeat herself when she stops talking. When she starts giving rude reply’s like are u deaf, you turn round and say I stopped listening, cos my ears started bleeding due to the aggression in your monologue

generally works

There are local elections next year. If they're happening in your area I would encourage her to stand. If she canvasses, she'll get a lot of ranting at her. From opposing opinions whom she won't persuade. She will have to change tact quick sharp. Hedonism and the arrogance of youth can be insufferable. Reading this, I'm reflecting on my youth and cringing!

You would be doing her a kindness by sitting her down when she isn't amped up and explaining that you love her, and you enjoy talking with her, but the way she monologues at you is really uncomfortable to listen to and she needs to be careful she doesn't do it to other people. You can show her what setting a boundary looks like as her mother. You aren't just a dumpster for her to vent into. Better she hears it from you at home than others in a worse way in the workplace or a social group. Hopefully she'll become a bit more reflective and insightful as a result.

Well that explains it😂

Poor you.

Is she off to uni soon? To read what?

Can you direct to doing not ranting. Join a political party. Attend council or parish council meetings. Join debate club at university. My DD’s friend got elected as a councillor for the local district council at 18.

I have an 18 year old and there is no way I would tolerate this.

You don't need to accept that, or be her audience for her boring rants.
You'll be doing her a favour by not tolerating it, because no one else in life will.

Suggest she rants at chatgpt with the settings either put to agree with her or play devil's advocate according to what she wants out of it. It's a great way to get it all out but also to refine her thoughts and opinions in a way that doesn't drain anyone else. She can use the voice control to make it feel more realistic!

🤣😂

My sister never grew out of this . And if she is drinking as she usually is , she'll rant and bore the arse off you . There is no need to rant to me about Trump she is preaching to the converted and I know more about it than what she reads in the Daily Mail. Whoop that was cathartic.