Aibu to tell my 18 year old to stop ranting at me?

[NoahsArkandtigers]

I love my 18 year old daughter very much however she has acquired a habit of ranting at me and everyone else that is very difficult to accept. It’s unpleasant to listen to a person half yelling their views. She is very politically engaged and I actually agree with everything she says, I just hate the way she says it. I hate the monologues. I hate the way every interruption irritate her but if I didn’t interrupt she would speak without ever letting anyone else speak. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. I think she is very unhappy with the state of the country and this is her release.

When she is calm, maybe explain to her that people are less likely to listen to anybody angrily ranting on at them. It is about learning how to speak to people, sometimes no matter how we are feeling.

Thank you. I’ll try that. I bet she’ll have a fit and a rant at me though

YANBU. DD1 went through a phase like that in her early 20s, and it was worse when she had had a drink. It culminated in a huge argument about feminism, or similar, when we were on holiday, which ended in tears for both of us.

My strategy when the ranting started was to completely disengage, and tell her calmly and quietly that I did not want to discuss this particular subject right now. No defending/responding, just closing down the discussion. And during a calm moment I told her I'm all for meaningful debate, and I love the fact that she has strong opinions, but it has to be balanced and rational..... and when all parties are listening to the other side and want to engage.

My two eldest will tag team over dinner on whatever omniclause argument they've just heard about on TikTok. It's beyond tedious.

Sit her down when you’re not discussing politics and say that you just want to talk to her about how she presents when she’s trying to get a point across that’s important to her. That it’s important to orate and discuss things in an interesting and collaborative way or people will not listen to her.

You could also pay for her to see a pubic speaking and communication tutor if you wanted to.

If it’s makes you feel better, you’re not alone. DS18 is very ranty. I try to debate with him but de-escalate; DH eventually storms off saying he’s had enough …

Oh God, two of them at it - you have my sympathies. DS26 is past this stage, doesn’t live here, and was never as intense as DS18 anyway.

I think a short, sharp shock might be needed here.

The next time she starts, tell her that nobody is listening to a word she has to say because she is just ranting. All people can hear is noise and aggression and you are all switching off. Tell her that all she’s achieving is making people think she’s the cliche of a naive, angry teen who is discovering politics for the first time and that if she wants to convince anyone, she needs to get better at getting her point across, before people start avoiding her.

Dd 20 has ASD. Her manner of speaking sometimes is very accusing and frankly bloody awful. I remind her I her dm . And can she please change her tone..

Thankfully my two have never been ranters but my sister certainly was, all through my childhood, teens, 20s, 30s and beyond. I’ve said she doesn’t talk, she rants. She’s never really grown out of it (seems to be a personslity trait) but has mellowed with age. Hopefully your dd will grow out of it quicker.

I would tell her I don’t need educating, I can and do read the news so know everything she’s telling me already.

If she feels strongly on a subject, suggest she thinks of ways she can help improve the situation rather than wasting time ranting about it.

Could you praise her passion and suggest ways for her to channel that energy, become a local councillor, volunteer, write etc

I just had to look up 'omniclause'. You learn something everyday. Thank you!

She tells me she needs to rant at me as she is going mad keeping it all in elsewhere

Yes she plans to become a politician…

Yes I think I’ll try this as well as the other suggestions here. Surely one of them will work.

I know what omnicause is but I don’t know what omniclause is

Would you like to introduce her to my 18 year old DS? They could rant at each other & maybe come to the conclusion that it doesn't work?!

She obviously feels passionately about politics,if she is interested in a political career,
It might be helpful to talk to her about delivery styles,listening skills and communicating rather than ranting monologues ...

DS16 has recently discovered that he now knows everything and he is always wanting to educate me on something or other.
He picks really bad times, I'm about to go out/to bed/eat some sneaky chocolate and gets annoyed with me when I try to cut him short.

The world is in a terrible state and teenagers know this, they just have different ideas on how to fix it.

We agreed after a recent big argument that we would set aside some regular time to discuss things that suits both of us. That hasn't happened yet but I imagine we'll have to do it soon.

I keep whispering to DH - don't mention cake/carpets/butterflies/whatever or you'll start him off. It's tiring.

In which case she will need to learn to be persuasive (which ranting is not)

She will also need to be able to listen to the other side of any argument.

As an exercise get her to research and speak on the opposite side of a political topic she feels strongly about. It will be really good for her.

If she is off to uni next year get her to look up the uni debating society rules and procedures- ranting won’t cut it.

Long car journeys are good for this type of discussion.

She tells me she needs to rant at me.....

You could tell her you don't need to listen to her ranting, and walk away.

And tell her that no-one will listen if all she does is rant. She needs to learn how to engage in debate, and use evidence to support her points.

Is she a student? Is there a debating society she could join?

@LarksAscending Yes, debating is an important skill especially if she wants to be involved in politics.

@NoahsArkandtigers That's how we've approached it with our children, that the ability to debate is crucial because no one will listen if you're ranting.

We don't accept ranting at home tbh and pull up anyone who starts. My DH can get passionate on issues too and my children have told him to calm down; we're not engaging until he does. 😂

It's fine to set this boundary @NoahsArkandtigers , it doesn't mean that you're not listening to her, you just want to discuss issues in a pleasant way.

Yeah, after watching the recent series of Amandaland, I've been a bit put off conversations in the car!