Driving new car anxiety

[Annie2163]

Have had our Ford Fiesta for 14 years. It is a lovely car, and still actually have it haven’t sold it yet as been told I will get nothing for it, so better off keeping for now. Prior to this had driving lessons in a Clio so only two cars I’ve driven my entire life.

DH has been talking for a while for a new car and over half term we went to look around. It feels like a really quick decision but within 2 days we saw and bought a new car! It was his decision entirely and I don’t feel I had a say. Problem is this car is considered a “luxury” car and I’m terrified of driving it. DH is very protective of it. We’ve had it 1 day so far but I feel I will never be comfortable driving it. I feel so anxious. The fiesta is about to pack it in any second so I may not have a choice but I can’t even imagine driving the new car.

The thought of parking it in my work car park fills me with dread as the parking is limited so people double park etc. my fiesta has had a few scratches in work over the years but there’s no cameras in car park so I never bothered chasing it up. I’m having anxiety about driving the new car to work. Also school pick ups and drop offs how the heck will I do it? People often park on the pavement but will I damage the wheel alloys of the new car? What about going food shopping will it get scratches? I’m so anxious. Please talk me down! To add my fiesta is manual and very basic and this is automatic and seems like millions of controls and functions.

I did drive the new car around the block and my feet are so used to 3 pedals that I accidentally braked whilst trying to accelerate! DH was not happy! My Kids in back of car being funny and kept shouting “we’re all gonna die” 😂 My eldest has told me already he feels safer with dad driving and I shouldn’t drive it. It’s only been one day so I’m hoping I will get more confident.

Buy your own car?

I get this completely. I never had a new car until 3 years ago and it was very difficult, having driven second hand or older my whole life. It doesn’t matter how careful I am—someone else could drive into the back of me(this happened to me a couple of weeks after getting the new car). I don’t really like driving anymore, particularly in the dark.
I have got used to it a bit over time, you have to accept that accidents may happen in life, it is an inherent risk of driving. The only way to guarantee your car never gets scratches is to leave it in your garage and never drive it. Obviously not practical at all. In the end it’s just a thing—as long as it keeps the people inside safe which new cars are MUCH better at doing with all the extra safety features they have.
The more you drive it, the more you will get used to it being automatic. It will be ok 💐

@BlackBean2023 that won’t be possible as I don’t have any disposable income.

@UncleTed thank you x

So DH can buy a luxury car with no consultation but you have no disposable income to buy a run around?

I think you have bigger problems than just not being able to drive the car, which you will get used to, but other people also will ding in car parks!

OMG! Can we stick to the topic in discussion rather than an analysis of my marriage.

Edited to add it’s not your business how or why he bought it. He might have gotten an inheritance, he might have been gifted money or he MIGHT have saved up for years. None of this is up for discussion. My question is how do I get over the fear of driving the new car so please calm down I’m not asking for marriage advice.

It’s only a car, who cares if it gets scratched?

^ that needs to be your mentality.

And yes, your DH buying a high-range car and you not being able to buy even a cheap runaround is actually important - because you’re more likely to crash if you’re nervous (nervous drivers are literally the cause of nearly ever near miss or accident I see) and thus endanger others or yourself or just simply be a liability on the road. You can get two ford fiestas second hand, or a Skoda Octavia and a ford fiesta for the price of what most people consider to be ‘luxury.’ So it is relevant.

But as I said. It’s a car. Who cares if the wheels get scratched or the paint gets chipped?

If you can afford a luxury car, you should be able to afford the cosmetic work/costs associated (including servicing for accidents such as mounting corners and knocking out wheels if you skid on black ice something I did in February and which cost £1.5 to fix as I damaged the suspension as well - as an example of just how unpredictable driving can be). And if you can’t, then you have no business driving it - that’s not to say you can’t afford it, but if you can then don’t worry. It’s only a car.

And if your DH is being a dick about you driving it, then he should have gotten two smaller cars (or even one smaller one) instead.

To be honest, I think you are the one who needs to calm down.

Yeah I suppose I need to think rationally as things can get fixed. I am an anxious person generally! So I would feel the same regardless of how much the car cost. I think as it’s an automatic it’s more intense for me as I’ve only ever driven manual cars.

OK, I’m stick to the car:

go out in it alone - no DH or kids screaming in the back.
put your left leg on the ledge - don’t move it.

automatics only take about an hour of driving to get used to - going back to manual after driving auto is much harder!

I wouldn't say my car is a luxury brand (and this isn't a humble brag), but it cost North of £50,000. Someone hit me recently and all DH asked was if I was ok. It's just a car.
Years ago I managed to reverse my car into DH's pride and joy. He wasn't delighted, but never raised it again. That's what insurance is for.
Driving an automatic is a breeze, I'd never go back and hate driving DH's manual. You'll soon get used to all its features. Things like adaptive cruise control, 360 cameras, lane assist, anti-collision braking, self-drive, etc. make it far less likely you'll be involved an accident.

This!! ..... you'll quickly get used to driving an automatic. I'm assuming this is a bigger car so try reversing and parking, get used to where any blind spots may be etc.

I think it’s because you mention DH is very protective over it. What does that mean? What’s the consequence of it getting a scratch or curbing an alloy? Because both of those things are easy to fix - in fact DH could’ve purchased the optional insurance which gets all these things repaired if they occur.

The primary role of a car is to keep the occupants safe and alive in the event of an accident. Whilst it’s expensive, comfortable, shiny, and many other things - it’s lump of metal essentially. You can be the most careful person and someone will still scratch it in a car park.
I was driving a brand new work car on its second commute, the car had under 100 miles on it and a lorry flicked a stone up and chipped the paint. It’s your DH responsibility to maintain his car, and yours to drive safely, everything else is part of car ownership,

I feel much less nervous driving if no one else is with me. So as pp said, definitely go out on your own to get used to the car. I was nervous even driving my focus the first few times as i had never driven a car that big. It is now absolutely scuffed to shit now because of parking mistakes, but it’s my car and i don’t give a shit.

I do also think it sounds like your DH is contributing to your hesitation, and you do actually need to sit down and have a conversation with him. Explain the situation is making you nervous, it is just a car, he knew your car may be scratched at work when buying it, and explain you do not want to be afraid to come home and tell him it has been scratched one day.

I agree with @BlackBean2023 . You sound more nervous of your husband than you do of your car.

“It was his decision entirely and I don’t feel I had a say”
“DH is very protective of it”
“DH was not happy”

You’ll either have to drive it in a constant state of fear and dread, or find a way to get your own car.

I recently moved from a manual to automatic and while I needed to get used to it, I love it now. Just use only your right foot for the pedals, you’ll get used to your left foot doing nothing.

The best way is simply just to drive it, go out for 10/15 minutes at a time and drive. Try to drown out the alerts etc at first and just get used to how the car feels and handles. And tell your children not to be so rude about your driving.

You need to take it out on your own. Go today as Sunday is usually quieter and pick a quiet route. I do understand being anxious about it but the only way you’re going to get over it is to actually do it. If you put it off you’ll just make it even harder.

OP did you also test drive it before purchase?

Are you ok driving your fiesta? If it is genuine nervousness about this car I would suggest some specialist driving lessons and practicing in local quieter areas. An automatic is a lot easier to drive so hopefully you will get used to it in time.

I have a manual and an automatic car. With the automatic I just tuck my left leg away so there’s no confusion with the pedals.

what is the new car?

just drive the fiesta until it dies then use the new one.

a 14 year old fiesta to a brand new luxury car is quite the jump though. He should get you a cheap run around though and not be such a dick about it.

Practically- go sit in on the drive. Spend ages getting it set up with you phone the seat the mirrors. Learn where everything thing is then try a drive by you self.

If you’re doing the school run and taking it to work then it seems as if you’ll be driving it a lot therefore you’ll get used to it really quickly.

As for prangs and bangs at the end of the day it’s only a lump of metal and it’s insured. Enjoy driving your new car.

@Annie2163 just go put on your own and do your jobs and then have a little drive, clock up 60/70 miles to get the feel for it. An auto is easy peasy and allows more focus on the road imo.

Do you regard the car as belonging to your DH or to the family?

Can you have a chat with your DH and calmly state that you weren't in the habit of pranging the Fiesta and don't want to prang this one but if you do, it's a car (tin box on wheels) and the insurance will cover it.

If you are as anxious as you say about driving, might taking some advanced lessons and advanced test help?

Does it have parking assist?

It is an automatic. Put it into drive, press pedal and it moves forward. Put it into reverse it goes backwards. Use everything else just like any other car.

So, the bit about getting your peddles mixed up…do not drive an automatic with two feet, ever.