Driving new car anxiety

[Annie2163]

Have had our Ford Fiesta for 14 years. It is a lovely car, and still actually have it haven’t sold it yet as been told I will get nothing for it, so better off keeping for now. Prior to this had driving lessons in a Clio so only two cars I’ve driven my entire life.

DH has been talking for a while for a new car and over half term we went to look around. It feels like a really quick decision but within 2 days we saw and bought a new car! It was his decision entirely and I don’t feel I had a say. Problem is this car is considered a “luxury” car and I’m terrified of driving it. DH is very protective of it. We’ve had it 1 day so far but I feel I will never be comfortable driving it. I feel so anxious. The fiesta is about to pack it in any second so I may not have a choice but I can’t even imagine driving the new car.

The thought of parking it in my work car park fills me with dread as the parking is limited so people double park etc. my fiesta has had a few scratches in work over the years but there’s no cameras in car park so I never bothered chasing it up. I’m having anxiety about driving the new car to work. Also school pick ups and drop offs how the heck will I do it? People often park on the pavement but will I damage the wheel alloys of the new car? What about going food shopping will it get scratches? I’m so anxious. Please talk me down! To add my fiesta is manual and very basic and this is automatic and seems like millions of controls and functions.

I did drive the new car around the block and my feet are so used to 3 pedals that I accidentally braked whilst trying to accelerate! DH was not happy! My Kids in back of car being funny and kept shouting “we’re all gonna die” 😂 My eldest has told me already he feels safer with dad driving and I shouldn’t drive it. It’s only been one day so I’m hoping I will get more confident.

The best thing about an.old car is u not precious about it. Hope things get easier.

I’m about to get a new car, and I’m buying 3 years alloy and scratch insurance, is that an option?

Yes I understand OP, used to drive a Ford, have replaced car and new car is so easy to drive

if it’s more modern it should be easier but I understand your worries

A £50k car is a luxury for most people.

This is something u may not get used to !!
I actually bought myself a lovely car lol and hardly ever drive it to scared of banging it or someone screaming it which actually did happen someone scratched it all the way along side of car on purpose !
I had it fixed cost me a fortune !
Then I downgraded to a new fiat 500 and I loveeeee it I'm out and about all the time the car anxiety can really affect u !
So in all honesty u should have a discussion with your hubbie about getting yourself a reliable runaround !!

OP, I'm not sure, given what you've posted, that the discussion about the car can be extricated from your DH. Are you actually afraid of driving the car, or are you worried about your DH's reaction if you ding it? That's what you need to answer. Your DH's reaction, was he really not happy about you hitting the brake thinking it was the clutch, or are you elaborating for the purposes of the post? You need to answer that question honestly. Any new car requres a mindset pivot until you get used to it, that's normal. Moving from geared to automatic also requires a bit of extra concentration, but not for very long. It's really easy after only a very short period of driving. But the way you've written your initial post makes it sound as though there are now 3 'people' in your marriage and DH is firmly in bed with the car, and that's a bigger problem.

I once pranged one of our old cars by reversing it out of a parking space and hitting a bollard that I'd forgotten was there, and was beside myself for being such a moron. My DH's response? "It's only a car, you daft arse" followed by a big hug. You need to know that you'll get a similar response, not silent treatment for a few days and never being allowed to forget your mishap.

(And also, just to clarify, this is no assumption on your DH, or the state of your marriage. Some men can be right knobs about their cars.)

BlackBean2023
So DH can buy a luxury car with no consultation but you have no disposable income to buy a run around?
I think you have bigger problems than just not being able to drive the car, which you will get used to, but other people also will ding in car parks!

It sounded more like op didn’t want to change cars, was willing to keep going until the car finally stopped and he decided to go for it. I don’t think we need a ltb over op being nervous.

op I was very similar and then had to change car for three weeks while car was in the garage, it’s honestly just all about habit and practice. Just honestly start driving. I avoided driving for two days which isn’t possible given work kids and how rural we are, then I started driving it as much as possible, I was terrified!!! When we finally had to change car it was a different car again but no worries. You’ll end up adoring it!!

Driving lesson with an instructor
‘automatic lesson’
Then take the car as much as possible whenever you are on your own to build your confidence .
It’ll help .
However I feel your pain we have a luxury ‘tank’ currently considering going down to one car so I’m without but I borrowed my daughters mini last week for an errand and loved it -reverse parked in a second and turned so easily . Loved driving with gears and being in control no beeps no pings alerts/ alarms
and drove better in my opinion because I enjoyed it .

Its just a car. It doesnt matter if it get scratched and you need a car to drive around which your DH knew so he cant get annoyed at you.

Go out in it on your own without anyone to get a bit more use to it. When you get use to it an automatic is 100 times easier than a manual to drive.

My DH has a luxury large SUV from work. Its huge compare to my little Renault but I now prefer driving his. Its easier to park thanks to the 100 cameras and although makes alot of different noises you get use to it

I’m a driving instructor who has specialised in nervous drivers.

1. Talk to your husband about the way he’s talking to you when you’re driving. Mistakes do happen and braking when driving auto for the first time is very common. If he’s annoyed then that’s going to make you more nervous. A nervous driver is going to not have as clear head as someone who isn’t nervous. Ditto with your kids and the ‘we’re going to die’, it’s not respectful or correct.
2. Where’s the evidence that you’re more likely to crash this car than your husband? Have you had big accidents? Give yourself a defence as well as a prosecution.
3. The car is a luxury brand, great! It’s going to have so much more on board to keep you safe and accident free. Read the manual, find out about the safety systems it’ll have. If you can drive a basic Fiesta and keep safe then the new car will be a doddle. Empower yourself by finding out more about the car than your husband, that’ll teach him a lesson 😂
4. There are advanced driver organisations who can teach you more. ROSPA and IAM Roadsmart are good places to look. We expect to take our driving test and never improve on what we do, that should change, your confidence shoots up after additional training.

I drive a large luxury car and can honestly say it’s an absolute dream to drive - so easy- and I can absolutely guarantee you I would find your Fiesta a lot more difficult. Give it a go, drive only you if your family can’t behave verbally, and enjoy it!

Just don’t have your dh in the car with you. I never drive the car with him in it if I can help it

Learn to drive new car on your own. Automatic cars are so much easier to drive but you need to set your left foot way to the side at first so you get used to not using it. Imagine it’s a go-kart!

It’s a car. It will get scratched.

I hear you on the Fiesta love. Mine is twelve years old and I will cry my eyes out when it becomes unviable.

Just go out, alone, and practice loads. Including parking. Take it to a large open car park and practice manoeuvring into and out of spaces including lots of reversing. I expect it has a reversing camera so get used to using that which will be very helpful.

To be honest if DH railroaded me into getting a luxury car and then I scratched it, I'd probably say that was on him! I love my 13 year old Fiesta, I'll be keeping it until it conks out completely.

I agree with others, go out on your own for short drives and build up, like a new driver would. I'm sure you'll get used to it, once you go automatic you won't want to go back to manual

@Annie2163 oir cars are.deiven on busy roads and mine is parked manyntimes.a week.on the street or in public car parks. Scratches and nicks happen, it's an motoring hazard even for good drivers. There are dozens of places/people who deal with them, usually on your drive.

OMG I’m glad I’m not the only one who cry’s when cars go! I’ve had mine 20 years now and I think I’m gonna need therapy when it dies!!!

Exactly this! Hubs had been talking about getting me a new car but I was a bit meh not bothered so we decided to save to pay the mortgage off instead! I’m pretty decided if there’s a new car in the offing hubs can have that and I’ll have his old but newer than mine golf!!!

If it’s a luxury car I’m assuming it’s expensive? Wouldn’t it have been better to get two smaller, cheaper cars and have one each?

(I’m 😳 at you having no disposable income - I assume this is the same for dh then? Otherwise you’re being financially abused).

Trying really hard to unpick this response from hubs at one end of it to hubs talking about getting you, his wife, a new car.

My car has always been the family car and when it's worn out, I've replaced it and told DH what I'm doing. It has never been a consultative decision; it's been a size, engine capacity, safety and reliability matter and I am trusted to make the right decision.

He has the super powerful V8, I think, wank mobile and came home with the first one, 12/13 years ago - as soon as we had secure parking. His treat, his money, no issue.

I am the more competent driver having driven since I was 17, whereas dh didn't learn until he was 33.

My car is a new Volvo xc40 so not luxury but it has all the bells and whistles and makes driving far easier than a clapped out old manual ever would be. I can only imagine a luxury car would come with even more tech than mine has. Take the car for a spin round a quiet area and you will probably be surprised. Pedal wise it’s no different to the way you drive now except you don’t use your left foot as no clutch. Just use the right foot to go and stop in exactly the same way you do now.

I think this was a response to me? My car is 24 years old and while very reliable now it won’t always be! As we’re married and hubs earns significantly more than me he would want to contribute to a new car for me, though as I said I’m not bothered about a new one so my feeling is he can have the new one and I’ll have his newer than mine but still old golf. We’re a team so it would be a joint decision/ purchase when the time comes.

@Loulou4022 yes, I got you were married, because you refer to "hubs". I agree, cars are big ticket items and yes my husband contributed to the family car, because it was the family car, but when we need a new one, I tell him. Historically, when the children were little, and I was only earning pin money, he transferred me some for a new car. I never bought a luxury car: Citroen Picasso, Ford SMax, CRV over 30 years. When I lose confidence in the car doing 1000km from the UK to France, it gets replaced. We're a team too but within that team we both have agency. Despite being married for 35 years, he's never been "hubs".

Apologies as I seem to have upset you somehow? I’m not sure how or why what I’ve said in my original post that you quoted has annoyed you but my apologies!
I just use hubs as it’s easier that keep typing my husband 🙄

This, a lot of men are back seat drivers. I refuse to drive him anywhere. He just doesn't like being a passenger in any car.

Thank you all. I think I’ve been unfair on him! The car he’s bought for us as a family but I think with my frustration about driving I might have made him sound nasty, he does have his moments and not the most patient or empathetic man (possibly could be ASD). So he doesn’t drive much except on weekends as he WFH so plan was I will be using it over the week and he will drive over weekends. We tend to do family stuff over weekends so it will be him driving.

We went for a drive this morning and I was very anxious - thank you so much for all the advice I kept remembering what some kind posters suggested about keeping left foot tucked under. I kept it slow. He kept shouting at me that I was driving fast over pot holes! I told him I did the same in my fiesta and nothing happened! Which I realise now I need to be more careful, any advice over pot holes? I was driving so slow compared to usual so felt like drivers were getting annoyed. Really busy roads near us.