Driving new car anxiety

[Annie2163]

Have had our Ford Fiesta for 14 years. It is a lovely car, and still actually have it haven’t sold it yet as been told I will get nothing for it, so better off keeping for now. Prior to this had driving lessons in a Clio so only two cars I’ve driven my entire life.

DH has been talking for a while for a new car and over half term we went to look around. It feels like a really quick decision but within 2 days we saw and bought a new car! It was his decision entirely and I don’t feel I had a say. Problem is this car is considered a “luxury” car and I’m terrified of driving it. DH is very protective of it. We’ve had it 1 day so far but I feel I will never be comfortable driving it. I feel so anxious. The fiesta is about to pack it in any second so I may not have a choice but I can’t even imagine driving the new car.

The thought of parking it in my work car park fills me with dread as the parking is limited so people double park etc. my fiesta has had a few scratches in work over the years but there’s no cameras in car park so I never bothered chasing it up. I’m having anxiety about driving the new car to work. Also school pick ups and drop offs how the heck will I do it? People often park on the pavement but will I damage the wheel alloys of the new car? What about going food shopping will it get scratches? I’m so anxious. Please talk me down! To add my fiesta is manual and very basic and this is automatic and seems like millions of controls and functions.

I did drive the new car around the block and my feet are so used to 3 pedals that I accidentally braked whilst trying to accelerate! DH was not happy! My Kids in back of car being funny and kept shouting “we’re all gonna die” 😂 My eldest has told me already he feels safer with dad driving and I shouldn’t drive it. It’s only been one day so I’m hoping I will get more confident.

Just don't drive over pot holes. Aim so the hole goes under the car or drive round it, the same way everyone does in any car they're driving.

You will get used a to a new car really quickly. It will surprise you.
I had to hire a van the other week and had never driven anything bigger than a fiesta. I was, like you, really anxious. But turned out to be really easy to get used to.

What car is it? I remember first upgrading from the humble little hatchback I learned and it took a while to get used to the (stupidly big) car DH bought me. Practice parking in the local supermarket, and if you get scratches and dents, remember it’s just a piece of metal. You’ll soon get used to your new car.

Automatics are fabulous! They are a bit strange to start with but they quickly become indespensible. And it often takes me a bit to remember to use the clutch in my car when I've been using our automatic for a while. Just put your left foot out of the way .

Ignore any/most of the stuff the dash is telling you. Just know where the indicators/wipers are, how to pop the boot and where the filler cap is.

Take the car out alone for a bit of a drive round. Go and sit in a carpark with the handbook if you want to know how to use the in board computer free from distraction.

You have no business parking on the pavement near the school, or anywhere else, so don’t do that and you won’t damage your alloys.

It's not "your" fault if someone scratches or dents it in a car park, so don't be anxious about that. It's just a risk of owning a car and can happen to anyone, anywhere.

Re your anxiety about driving it, just practice, preferably on your own, take it to quieter places to get a feel for it, how it runs, the automatic, the size, etc. Practice reverse parking in a semi-empty car park. That will give you confidence so that you're less likely to actually cause any damage from your own driving, i.e. not clipping the pavement kerbs, not scratching/denting anyone else's car, etc.

Nail on the head. Just park further away where you can park without mounting the pavement and damage to wheels/alloys will be far less likely.

I agree. I used to be the driver when we were abroad on holidays and renting cars, and after the first quarter of an hour or so, it all becomes natural/normal. I've ended up with a mix of automatics/manuals, diesels/petrol/electric/hybrid, large and small, and you soon settle in to whatever you're driving.

What are you talking about? Alloys can get damaged when you are tucking yourself neatly in beside the kerb. If you mount the pavement the tyre touches the kerb, not the alloy.

@OP you started your update by saying that you felt you had been harsh and given the wrong impression of your husband. Then you went on to say that he was literally SHOUTING at you while you were driving.

I’m sorry but that is not excusable behaviour, at any time, but especially when he knows you are still nervous. Have you somehow lost sight of what is normal?

And why have you ignored the advice of pretty much every poster to take the car out on your own?

If it’s a family car then he has no right to be criticising how you drive it (also if it’s a family car then it’s odd he seems to have chosen this all by himself when you will be driving it so much, don’t really understand how that has come about).

It’s just a car, luxury or not. If it gets scratched it gets scratched, that’s life. If he doesn’t want it to be driven then he shouldn’t have bought it. The backseat driving can do one too. Anyone shouting at me when driving can get out of the car and walk.

Yes I suspect we’ve got exactly the right impression of him.

Bought a ‘family car’ with no consideration for or input from the person who seems to be driving it most of the time.

’Not happy’ when she made a minor mistake the first time driving it.

His attitude rubbing off on the children who are making comments about it now too.

Shouting at OP when she’s driving so she’s too scared to go a normal speed.

Zero disposable income while he buys a ‘luxury’ car that only he wants.

I would probably shout at you as well if you kept driving into potholes. You need to avoid them either by positioning yourself so that the wheels go around the pot hole if it is safe to move out a bit to avoid or by slowing right down. Hitting potholes at speed can cause a lot of expensive damage to a car.

To return to the point of the thread. Forget it being a “luxury” car, it’s just a car. Take it out alone at a quiet time and get used to it. Never use your left foot, you don’t need it and you’ll soon forget you ever drove a manual - after 16 years of automatics I doubt I even could any more. If it’s got a load of gizmos to help you park get your bloke to give you a guided tour of them - I bet you end up loving the reversing camera and parking sensors.

Hi OP. Try this: Imagine you live completely alone. No kids or husband. You win a beautiful new car (and have no other car).

On a scale of 1 to 10 how worried are you about damaging it or driving it wrongly? (1 the lowest)

Now imagine the same scenario but you have kids in the back. 1 to 10.
Now again, your husband next to you. 1 to 10.

It may be that your husband has to step up and take on more of the household driving. You say you don't have any disposable income, but could he pay for a couple of driving lessons so you get more confidence? Is your driving position correct - have you adjusted the seat to the right height and the steering to the right position for your body?

You don't need to touch the kerb to park - you should stay a few inches away. If you mount the kerb, tes your steering wheel tyres will touch the kerb not the alloys, but you can't control trailing wheels and if you get the angle wrong, you'll scrap on/off the kerb thus damaging the alloys. Best to just be more careful and stay away from hitting/scraping the kerb in any way at all. It's not necessary.

Bouncing up and down kerbs also damages the kerbs over time.

I agree, speeding and bouncing over potholes is completely avoidable and does cause long term (and short term) damage to the car. Just because nothing happened in your old Fiesta doesn't mean there was no damage being caused. Not just wheels, but particularly to all the suspension components, steering joints, etc. I'd put money on your old Fiesta having needed some components flagged up during servicing or annual MOTs, such as boots, seals, suspension arms, etc - that's wear and tear often caused by bouncing up/down kerbs, going into potholes, etc - the damage isn't immediate so you don't notice it, but it builds up over time.

All easily avoidable by being more observant, allowing bigger distances between you and cars in front so you've time to react to avoid pot holes, etc.

I went from a Fiat 500 to a big Nissan last October, and I was terrified. Plus my Dad chipped in £10k for it, so I felt even more pressure not to scratch it!. It's also an automatic and although I had an automatic car about 12yrs ago, I hadn't driven one since and I was scared. I was even on YouTube watching videos about how to drive one 😜

I wouldn't go on a test drive and when I collected it from the car showroom I just assumed everyone was staring at me as I eased my way into the traffic. I tootled back home, and there it sat on the driveway for days as I was too nervous to drive it.

However, fast forward a few weeks and I fell in love with it. Automatic cars are so much easier, and I love the cameras and parking assist. I am hugely happy with my new car, and I really can't imagine going back.

Good luck OP.

How patronising. I am well aware you don’t need to touch the kerb to park. I was just saying that one is more likely to damage alloys when attempting to park parallel to the kerb than when bumping up on to the pavement.

I actually think your relationship DOES matter here.

Why did he buy a car you didn't want.

Why is he protective?

Why are you scared of pranging it? Because of his reaction?

If you are worried about having dings in a car you don't buy a brand new one. Because they will happen. It might not be your fault, there might just be a stone fly up or someone opens a car door into you.

Automatics are easy to drive by the way. You will be used to it in 20 minutes.

It is not always possible to avoid potholes. Sometimes they are covered by puddles of water or it's dark, or both.

And sometimes there's something coming the other way and there's no room for you to move out.

You just have to hope that you don't hit any big ones. But that's where a smaller car helps as you have more space to avoid them.

I have no idea why you would deliberately drive over them though.

Oh Lord, I suspect this will be me when DH persuades me to try to drive his new Audi automatic. I’m putting it off as long as possible, happy in my 2016 Fiesta which fortunately is very low mileage. If I could stretch to an upgrade myself I’d go for a three year old Puma, manual with a proper handbrake. I couldn’t stand the last Audi which had a stupid button thing instead of a handbrake. And now he’s got an automatic.

I’m also fed up of PIL and others claiming I’ll love driving it. No I bloody well won’t. I drove the old Audi enough to know I didn’t like the stupid sort of hand brake. I hated that you didn’t need to release it when you set off. I actually like to drive using gears etc!!!

You need to go out in the car on your own, without someone sat beside you. Drive a route you know well at a quiet time. Do that a couple of times and you'll feel a lot more confident.

I had always driven manual cars (including for many years a Fiesta) and a couple of years ago I got a much larger car, an automatic. It felt odd the first time I drove it but within 15 minutes I'd got used to it, it is much easier to drive.

(Potholes, do whatever is appropriate and safe. Slow down if you have to go over them, or drive round them if that's possible.)

I couldn’t care less if it’s easier - it’s crap driving. Boring and rubbish.
One person who is not a fan said she thought it was like driving a go kart - awful.

You're staying with your piece of shit husband then? Fuck the car, I'd leave him and the car and start carving out a life for yourself.