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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think parents are not teaching any independence?

507 replies

MrBlobbysNuts · 31/05/2026 00:03

A local parent group is in uproar because their precious secondary school children are apparently "too vulnerable" to get the bus before and after school without a phone (phones have been banned from premises entirely)

How is getting a bus for 15 minutes without a phone unsafe? Back in the day we just had ourselves and we survived. Give the kids cash and teach them to stop relying on phones to get around. The world is no more dangerous than it was 40 years ago, if anything it’s much safer!

OP posts:
suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:41

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:40

They don’t need to have their own laptop! Just a device in the home available to them.

Digital inequality is a real thing in some underprivileged communities.

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:41

Twisterlollies · 31/05/2026 08:30

We just don’t do it 🤷‍♀️ I’ve explained to the teacher my primary kid doesn’t have a tablet or computer, and if they want her to do homework it’ll have to be provided in paper form.

Exactly.

Society is telling parents not to give their kids smartphones, whilst schools are simultaneously making it impossible for children to do school work independently without one.

SusanChurchouse · 31/05/2026 08:42

I had a 40 year old member of staff on the 00s who used to get his mum to phone in sick for him. So this is not new.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:42

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:41

Exactly.

Society is telling parents not to give their kids smartphones, whilst schools are simultaneously making it impossible for children to do school work independently without one.

Not impossible at all. Use a laptop/pc/tablet - most homes have at least one of these.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:42

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:41

Exactly.

Society is telling parents not to give their kids smartphones, whilst schools are simultaneously making it impossible for children to do school work independently without one.

Not impossible at all. Use a laptop/pc/tablet - most homes have at least one of these.

RampantIvy · 31/05/2026 08:43

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:40

They don’t need to have their own laptop! Just a device in the home available to them.

Writing a 6,000 word NEA (non examined assessment) complete with charts, images and other diagrams for a humanities A level subject would be rather tricky on a phone though.

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:43

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:40

They don’t need to have their own laptop! Just a device in the home available to them.

Many families do not have a laptop in the home. Even if they did - how does that work if you have 3 children all needing to do their homework every evening?

ChalkOutlines · 31/05/2026 08:43

JustAnUdea · 31/05/2026 08:41

As an aside... my parents never knew i was late home from school because they didnt get home from work until 6pm. They were in Central London, I was in the suburbs... they couldnt drive, we didnt have a car. It wasnt unusual. We had to just get on with it.

My parents didn’t know I didn’t GO to school. Different times.Grin

MigGirl · 31/05/2026 08:44

Gillygallygosh123 · 31/05/2026 00:13

How could they enforce this? They could make the children put their phones in reception during school hours but I can't see how they'd stop them having them out of school hours and building?

I'd not like this rule for my child. At my high school ( over 20 years ago now so maybe things are different ) after school was prime time for any fights or attacks. I'd hate my child to have no way to contact me and being frightened and potentially hurt

It's coming into law from September. No phones allowed in school.

DS school is dealing with it by locking the phones away in lock boxes during the day. Others are using the lockable pouches and other schools are just banning them completely.

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:44

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:42

Not impossible at all. Use a laptop/pc/tablet - most homes have at least one of these.

They don't actually.

Pileoftrash · 31/05/2026 08:45

I feel the phone discussion has got a bit silly. Contact with your family, maps, bus timetables and passes, music, camera, podcasts etc. are all really useful things for all of us to have in our pocket. I want my child to know how to use phone well. If government/school don’t want them during the day then they have to manage that (phone pouch etc.) but I want my child to have one to and from school. Only primary right now but secondary is likely a long bike ride across the city.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:45

suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:41

Digital inequality is a real thing in some underprivileged communities.

SOME. A tiny fraction actually. Most households have a device bigger than a phone that a child could use for homework.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:45

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:44

They don't actually.

The vast majority do, actually.

suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:46

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:45

SOME. A tiny fraction actually. Most households have a device bigger than a phone that a child could use for homework.

6% of households still did not have access to the internet in March 2021 according to Lloyds Bank UK Consumer Digital Index 2021. That's a lot of people. (Homework usually requires internet).

1.6 million households. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/digital-inclusion-action-plan-one-year-on/digital-inclusion-action-plan-one-year-on

concertinacornflake · 31/05/2026 08:47

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:45

SOME. A tiny fraction actually. Most households have a device bigger than a phone that a child could use for homework.

This is a 'check your privilege' situation. Digital inequality is a huge concern in some areas.

RampantIvy · 31/05/2026 08:47

The problem with lock boxes at DD's old school is that there is only 10 minutes between the end of the school day and when all the school buses leave. There simply wouldn't be time to go and pick up a phone and catch the bus.

As it is a school in a rural market town these pupils need to catch that school bus because public transport to some of the outlying villages in non existent.

I feel that many posters on this thread live in towns and cities where public transport is plentiful.

ChalkOutlines · 31/05/2026 08:48

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:42

Not impossible at all. Use a laptop/pc/tablet - most homes have at least one of these.

And plenty don’t. It became obvious during Covid how much tech (including printers) schools/society expected households to have. DD spent a week doing online classes 6 hours a day, in y4!! At least we did have the device(s) - I also needed one as I did some work from home - and only one kid.

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:48

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:45

The vast majority do, actually.

Not in my town. I work in communities where there is a huge problem with digital inequality.

Many of these children stay at school to do homework club as they have no access to a laptop at home.

If a family has multiple children it becomes very difficult.

suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:48

concertinacornflake · 31/05/2026 08:47

This is a 'check your privilege' situation. Digital inequality is a huge concern in some areas.

Nice not to be aware of that. I know how privileged my family is in that regard.

MigGirl · 31/05/2026 08:49

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:41

Exactly.

Society is telling parents not to give their kids smartphones, whilst schools are simultaneously making it impossible for children to do school work independently without one.

This argument always annoys me. All the homework they get give can be done on any electronic device. Laptop/desktop and tablet no phones are not actually needed.

Also I think parents are letting children down if they don't have at lest one of these at home as kids maybe able to use a smartphone but the number of students who can't use a actual computer by the time they come to high school is amazing. You still need to be able to use at lest a laptop for a lot of jobs. Most are cheaper then phones to.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:49

suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:46

6% of households still did not have access to the internet in March 2021 according to Lloyds Bank UK Consumer Digital Index 2021. That's a lot of people. (Homework usually requires internet).

1.6 million households. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/digital-inclusion-action-plan-one-year-on/digital-inclusion-action-plan-one-year-on

Edited

Yes so 6% is indeed a very small proportion, like I said.

And of that 6%, older people are disproportionately affected - they’re not doing homework for school.

Fifthtimelucky · 31/05/2026 08:49

shuggles · 31/05/2026 00:51

I was at school 20 years ago. I never carried a phone.

Why would you need a phone? If you had an emergency, which would be very rare, the schools had a phone that you could use. Seems really weird to think that a phone is so important.

That’s all very well if you live close to school and walk, as I did back in the 1970s. My children had a 15 mile journey to school that involved taking two trains. I wouldn’t have wanted them not to have a phone.

The difference was that in those days the phones weren’t smart. All they could be used for was making calls and sending texts.

suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:50

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:49

Yes so 6% is indeed a very small proportion, like I said.

And of that 6%, older people are disproportionately affected - they’re not doing homework for school.

6% is not at small portion at all. I couldn't be bothered finding out how many that is but I have worked with these communities. Generally they have phones but they and their children only have computers if they are given them by government programs (which are often short term). Again, I didn't work in the UK, but it happens there too.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:50

getwiththeprogram · 31/05/2026 08:48

Not in my town. I work in communities where there is a huge problem with digital inequality.

Many of these children stay at school to do homework club as they have no access to a laptop at home.

If a family has multiple children it becomes very difficult.

6% of the population is a very small proportion, and mostly affects older people.

Mnetcurious · 31/05/2026 08:51

suggestionswelcomed · 31/05/2026 08:50

6% is not at small portion at all. I couldn't be bothered finding out how many that is but I have worked with these communities. Generally they have phones but they and their children only have computers if they are given them by government programs (which are often short term). Again, I didn't work in the UK, but it happens there too.

Well we’re in the UK and we’re talking about the UK.