AIBU not to offer my ex the spare dance show ticket?

[FunkyDancer223]

My daughter, who I co parent with my ex partner, has her dance show next weekend.

About a month ago an email went round with details of how to buy tickets. As soon as I got it, I bought tickets for myself, my partner and our son, and I forwarded the email to my ex partner so they had all the information and could buy their own ticket.

The show came up in conversation recently and something my ex partner said made me wonder whether they’d forgotten about it. I asked if they’d bought a ticket and they said no. They then asked me to send the details again, so I resent the same email I’d originally forwarded a month ago.

After clicking the link they could see that the show is now sold out and there are no tickets left.

The thing is, my son is no longer coming so I now have a spare ticket which I’ve been told can be changed from a child ticket to an adult ticket if needed.

Ordinarily I’d probably just offer it, but there is a bit of history here. It often feels like I’m the one keeping track of dates, forms, deadlines and arrangements, and this isn’t the first time something has been forgotten and I’ve ended up being the one who could fix it.

Part of me thinks our daughter would want both parents there. Another part of me feels that I’ve already done my bit. I bought my tickets when they were released, forwarded the information at the time, and then sent it again when asked.

I also can’t help feeling that one of the reasons this sort of thing keeps happening is that there always seems to be a safety net. Whenever something is forgotten, there ends up being a way around it and I find myself stepping in to help fix the situation. I’m beginning to wonder whether constantly doing that just means there are never any real consequences when things are forgotten.

At the same time, I don’t want my daughter to lose out because of a situation that isn’t her fault.

My ex partner hasn’t asked whether I have a spare ticket and I haven’t mentioned that I do.

AIBU if I say nothing, or should I offer the spare ticket for our daughter’s sake?

Yes you should for your daughter’s sake

What else would you do with the ticket though?

Unfortunately, the only person that would truly miss out would be your daughter, so I’d offer it to him.

100% this is a mega pain and would piss me right off too, but, your baby.

I get how annoying it is when someone is incompetent, but imagine how hurt your daughter would be when she knows you could’ve let her Dad come but you didn’t?

I would offer him the ticket.

So you would rather your daughter miss out?

I understand how you feel but you know your dd would like him there.
I'm not a fan of being the bigger person but I think dd should come first.

Sorry I think you should “go high” here and offer the ticket for your daughter’s sake. It’s not like you’d have to do a lot of extra admin etc. Maybe gently make the point that he was lucky this time?

If you know your daughter would want the ticket to go to her dad, you should offer it to him.

I actually think he needs a sharp lesson and it would benefit your daughter in the long run for him to learn. YANBU

This.

Ask your daughter. Say there’s a spare ticket. Who would she like to invite? Do you want to check if Dad needs a ticket?
She may prefer to ask a friend or another relative.

I agree with this.

For future, can your ex be added to the mailing list, so you aren’t having to forward anything to him? I appreciate that wouldn’t have changed this situation because he still wouldn’t have bought a ticket. But just for your general sanity of not feeling like you have to forward on info.

If she asks her, then her DD will know that her Dad did not buy a ticket which might upset her DD. Take the high road and offer the ticket to him first.

totally get how you feel but for your daughter I would give it to him

I would offer the ticket but definitely tell your daughter the circumstances , be the bigger person and let your daughter know it

So partner and ex-partner could be there together - if they're adult enough to do it without it being 'awks', then do it for your daughter.

Why wouldn’t you offer the ticket ?

you have a spare. Be diff if son wanted to go

but you sound petty even asking if should

what would your dd want ?

both parents to be there I suspect

You would be spiteful for no reason here. You already have the ticket, there's no effort or work required, and it would benefit your daughter.

I understand your reasoning in general, but it's petty to waste a ticket

I voted YABU because, annoying as it is, your dd will probably want her dad there.

But I think it’s fine to ask her who she wants.

If she does want a friend instead you can just say this was always the plan so your ex doesn’t know she was given the choice.

I’d offer it, mostly because I’m a terror for not booking ahead myself!

I would ask my daughter what to do. So she starts to learn about her father's behaviour. She would then have both parents present, but she'll know it was thanks to you.

No i would not do this maybe if parents kept their petty squabbles to themselves there would be less mental health issues, children have enough issues as it is with parents putting them in the middle

Key bit of info missing, how old is your daughter?

I would let this be a lesson to him that you are not the safety net and so this is you putting boundaries in going forward. Of course DD would want her dad there but if your son was going, there would no ticket anyway. Given he doesnt know about the ticket, id say nothing.

She wants to stop being his plan B and have him learn some independence

How do you see this panning out?

If your DD asks why her dad wasn't in the audience and you have to explain that he tried to book too late and there weren't any tickets left, she may well ask about the empty seat next to you. I don't think I'd want to have a conversation like that with your DD as I'd look petty.