AIBU not to offer my ex the spare dance show ticket?

[FunkyDancer223]

My daughter, who I co parent with my ex partner, has her dance show next weekend.

About a month ago an email went round with details of how to buy tickets. As soon as I got it, I bought tickets for myself, my partner and our son, and I forwarded the email to my ex partner so they had all the information and could buy their own ticket.

The show came up in conversation recently and something my ex partner said made me wonder whether they’d forgotten about it. I asked if they’d bought a ticket and they said no. They then asked me to send the details again, so I resent the same email I’d originally forwarded a month ago.

After clicking the link they could see that the show is now sold out and there are no tickets left.

The thing is, my son is no longer coming so I now have a spare ticket which I’ve been told can be changed from a child ticket to an adult ticket if needed.

Ordinarily I’d probably just offer it, but there is a bit of history here. It often feels like I’m the one keeping track of dates, forms, deadlines and arrangements, and this isn’t the first time something has been forgotten and I’ve ended up being the one who could fix it.

Part of me thinks our daughter would want both parents there. Another part of me feels that I’ve already done my bit. I bought my tickets when they were released, forwarded the information at the time, and then sent it again when asked.

I also can’t help feeling that one of the reasons this sort of thing keeps happening is that there always seems to be a safety net. Whenever something is forgotten, there ends up being a way around it and I find myself stepping in to help fix the situation. I’m beginning to wonder whether constantly doing that just means there are never any real consequences when things are forgotten.

At the same time, I don’t want my daughter to lose out because of a situation that isn’t her fault.

My ex partner hasn’t asked whether I have a spare ticket and I haven’t mentioned that I do.

AIBU if I say nothing, or should I offer the spare ticket for our daughter’s sake?

but in this instance, it just happens that she can be the plan B because someone is no longer coming. No effort required. It would be mean to bring the daughter into the squabble, and waste a ticket for the sake of it.

It's not like she was expected to buy an extra because he couldn't be bothered, the ticket is there.

I would be asking on the group chat if anyone needed them that maybe had 0 parents going. Then if not I would offer it him I suppose. Like the night before at about 10pm.

For your daughters sake you should offer the ticket, I understand it’s massively annoying though.

This

This is so sad. Give him the ticket. She shouldn’t be choosing or being made to face up to her dad’s failings.

Adults have trouble with this behaviour, she should just be excited about her show.

Perhaps he just wasn’t arsed to go, and that is why he didn’t buy the ticket?? He might not actually want the ticket 😂

I think I would ask DD who she wants to invite, she might prefer to have grandma there. But prompt her that Dad might not have organised a ticket because he often isn’t very organised.

I think we can all understand the feeling of just fuck him and leave him out.
But it might make DD sad, and you wouldn’t want that.

Of course there is possibility that you give (sell) him the ticket and he still doesn’t show…

edited to correct typo

I have been in exactly the same position. I would (and have) offered the ticket to her dad because it’s not about you it’s about her.

What I wouldn’t do in future though is to bear the mental load of noticing that he might not have booked a ticket earlier on in the timeline, that’s not your responsibility. I either make sure DD’s dad is signed up for the emails (not easy for school
annoyingly) or I forward them on and forget about it.

Posters are saying do it for your DDs sake - which I completely understand.

But if your son was going as planned then she’d have been disappointed anyway due her dad not being there.

If this is a common occurrence then your DD needs to start getting used to being disappointed by him.

I would tell her that it’s looking like he probably won’t be able to go due to the tickets being sold out and see how upset she is and then decide.

Your ex comes across as disorganized and unable to keep things together. You, on the other hand, come across as spiteful. Which person would you rather deal with?

You should give the ticket to your ex for your daughter’s sake.

If your ex was THAT bothered about seeing her, he would have booked the tickets as soon as he received the email or chased you up nearer the time if he didn’t receive it. So I don’t think you can teach him a lesson here. The only one losing out is your DD.

I understand how frustrating it is, but it will make your DD happy. And she deserves that. She didn’t ask for her parents to split.

From experience, there is benefit in this approach. It also helps you understand what will happen if you don’t swarm in to smooth things.

Both my and my partners ex’s were like this. Mine bucked up his ideas as soon as he realised I wasn’t going to do it anymore. His didn’t. You can then decide whether it’s best for you to support DD through understanding that this is how her dad is, or continue to y the gaps when they don’t step up.

If the dance thing is very important to her I’d choose something less so to do it though.

I get your reasoning. Your ex will never step up when you continue to save him from himself. And it’s better for your daughter in the long term if he steps up.

I’d probably fold and offer the ticket though, as I wouldn’t want my kid to be upset.

And this is why men like this always get away with having their ex making arrangements for them, fixing things, etc.

Of course you will give him the ticket for your daughter’s sake, it isn’t her fault. Meanwhile once again you have stepped in to save him.

Another gender-ambiguous post…why so many of them?

I would offer the ticket but send it with ‘but I only have a spare as my DP can’t make it. In future please do read emails abut DD and action yourself a I only do the admin for our household and I wouldn’t want DD to miss out on having her dad at her events’

This
don’t be so mean!

What's your point?
I genuinely don't get what you're implying.

Probably because it’s not relevant and OP wants unbiased opinions.

We all know some posters will provide different opinions depending on the sex of the people involved.

If your son was going, there would be no spare ticket.

If you generally get on ok with the ex, and they don't cause problems with the co-parenting experience, then I'd be the bigger person and offer the ticket. If you've had to pay for it then make sure they cough up and don't offer it as a freebie. If, on the other hand, the ex is generally an arse, then I'd give the ticket back to the school/club as they may have a waiting list.

Put your daughter first. Offer ex the ticket. Don’t use this as an opportunity to score points.

Id definitely give it for the sake of your daughter. I get that it's annoying though.

How old.is your DD?

If you didn't have a spare ticket (if your son was still going) then I definitely don't think you should give a ticket to your ex in place of your son or partner. But since you do have a spare, it seems very petty not to give it to your ex.

I love how everyone is just assuming the ex is a man.... OP doesn't say dad/he at any point. Perhaps OP is the dad and ex is the mum? Perhaps it's a same sex female ex-couple?