Am I stingy and not living life to the full?

[Yealoo]

I’m a single parent but in honesty my attitude to money has always been like this long before DD 3.

I have an income of 5k a month (ex not in the picture and doesn’t contribute financially other than now and then sending 100 quid, ongoing cms case but he’s self employed).

I own around 60% of my home so still have a 250k mortgage to pay off and I am 39 so not just starting out.

I have around 50k savings and my family know about this just because we often talk about investments and options. I recently mentioned that I was going to treat myself at Christmas and buy a 30ml 80 pound perfume as someone at work had it and it was amazing and it was almost like a trigger point for my sibling who basically said I was stingy and she couldn’t believe I would put off getting that for myself when it literally wouldn’t have any actual impact on my finances, it’s not going to deplete them.

It maybe sounds like a small comment but it was very scathing. My parents and other sibling then agreed I needed to lighten up and live a bit!!

The thing is I will spend on DD and I buy nice gifts for people (or so I hope!) and it’s not like I dislike buying things it’s just to me that purchase of perfume would be VERY extravagant. Is it? Do you agree or am I stingy?

You're in a great position and I think you deserve to treat yourself occasionally.

Yanbu. You sound sensible. Your mortgage is bigger than your savings, therefore it's good to be cautious with money.

@Hopefulsalmon I do have a dd depending on me though!

I do treat myself now and then but surely to most people that’s an unnecessary and extravagant purchase?

I agree you should lighten up. It does seem stingy if it’s something you really want and has minimal effect on your finances.

Each to their own but yes, it’s unusual to delay an £80 treat purchase for 8 months when you have an income of £5k per month. It wouldn’t be the life for me and I manage to save and also treat myself sometimes. However if it would take the enjoyment out of it to purchase it early then there’s no point.

You have a pretty hefty mortgage, I think you are right to be financially cautious.

Well it’s not necessary but few things are outside of food, utilities, shelter and clothing. Is it extravagant, maybe but that’s the point of a treat. You say extravagance like it’s a bad word.

I assume you are saving a large portion of that £5k a month? You sound frugal, but if you and your daughter are happy and not missing out, then it’s up to you.

I guess it depends on what you consider luxuries and what you consider necessities - I would spend on a gym membership, yoga studio membership, posh face cream, expensive high quality fruit, nice gifts for DC, partner, friends, treat friends to meals out, host parties well, but not spend on takeaways, fancy meals, days out, botox, hairdressers, manicures, designer bags or perfume. As long as you live within your means, have a plan for the future, and a healthy buffer of savings, find the lifestyle that works for you. I wouldn't save money for the sake of saving money - with some well-heeled folks it becomes a competitive sport to penny pinch and that is a pity in my view (not talking about those who stretch to make ends meet).

When did you get on the housing ladder?!

A 250k mortgage on an income of 100k is not hefty

I wouldn’t call it “stingy” because that implies you’re mean with other people, and this is about yourself.

However, I think you can afford to treat yourself from time to time. I’m not entirely sure that you don’t from reading this!

I would say you are sensible rather than stingy.

I do understand OP, it’s difficult when you’re solely responsible for DC and have to balance saving and expenses.

I spent ages recently deliberating over whether or not to buy myself a £55 theatre ticket to see my favourite play in a few weeks.

I think if you can wait until Christmas then you aren’t that desperate for the perfume and will really appreciate it when you get it.

However, life is for living in the now, so don’t forget to do nice things and treat yourself well.

Do you and your daughter have holidays? Do you go out for days, do fun things? If the answer is yes then I think you are doing great.

I get the anxiety of being the sole provider but waiting to spend on perfume on your income when you have savings is a little extreme.

Do you have a bit of a 'save it for best' mentality that tells you you're not worth spending on?

Because I'm here to tell you that you are. And that 'best' sometimes never comes. It was a lesson it took me a long time to learn.

As long as you have a buffer and know that you could ride out say a period of unemployment or ill health, then why not enjoy a little of what you have?

Your money, your choice. If you spot it on offer beforehand then I'd say go for it.

I spent £137 on 50ml of perfume yesterday, because I wanted to and I could.

Buy it, you're worth it and it'll make you happy x

I don't know if perfume is the best example as it's so easy to live without. If there was some gadget that made your life easier, would you buy it now or wait? Do you wear clothes you know are too worn out? If not perhaps it's just that you don't mind waiting for the perfume.

While I don’t agree with her tone of course, I do think she has a point. I have a similar income and couldn’t imagine not just buying myself something that only costs £80!! You’ve got savings, definitely chill out a bit, show your daughter you value your own wants too (to give it a parental spin for you ha).

This.

OP, you are like me. I'm a single mum too, my ds has depended on me for the last 17 years, and I have watched every penny for all of that time.
In those years I have been made redundant three times and have managed to get us through without getting into debt.

My mortgage will be paid off in a few months, my ds is a happy confident 6th former, with a job, an equally sensible attitude to money, and a place at a good uni.

I'll relax around money when he is launched and my house is my own. Enjoy your perfume, you are sensible. Well done.

What do you spend on yourself? If your "self treat" budget is so low that your family have noticed maybe you could think about that - perhaps give yourself an affordable amount e.g. £100 per month to spend guilt free on something that will give you joy

Which perfume is it?