Am I stingy and not living life to the full?

[Yealoo]

I’m a single parent but in honesty my attitude to money has always been like this long before DD 3.

I have an income of 5k a month (ex not in the picture and doesn’t contribute financially other than now and then sending 100 quid, ongoing cms case but he’s self employed).

I own around 60% of my home so still have a 250k mortgage to pay off and I am 39 so not just starting out.

I have around 50k savings and my family know about this just because we often talk about investments and options. I recently mentioned that I was going to treat myself at Christmas and buy a 30ml 80 pound perfume as someone at work had it and it was amazing and it was almost like a trigger point for my sibling who basically said I was stingy and she couldn’t believe I would put off getting that for myself when it literally wouldn’t have any actual impact on my finances, it’s not going to deplete them.

It maybe sounds like a small comment but it was very scathing. My parents and other sibling then agreed I needed to lighten up and live a bit!!

The thing is I will spend on DD and I buy nice gifts for people (or so I hope!) and it’s not like I dislike buying things it’s just to me that purchase of perfume would be VERY extravagant. Is it? Do you agree or am I stingy?

I can see where you’re coming from. As a single mum I had to budget very carefully for years. Now they’re grown up and things are looking a bit brighter financially, I struggle to treat myself to anything more than a quality bar of chocolate. I recently bought myself a pair of Birkenstock dupes for £45, the most I’ve spent on myself since 2024, and I’m still trying to justify it a week later 🤦‍♀️ Treating myself at Christmas would be a bit easier for me to process. I used to spend money very carelessly year’s ago but I’ve become very cautious now.

With nice healthy savings like that, I’d start over paying the mortgage and/or putting more in your pension.

I agree £80 is a lot for a perfume. My 16 year old will happily save and pay more but £40 is my limit. I just know I wouldn’t get anymore enjoyment out of anything more expensive. Just like I don’t pay more than £10 for a bottle of wine.

You sound very sensible to me, carry on as you are (or do the mortgage/pension thing).

Perfume really helps my mental well being, it always cheers me up. My last purchase was £120-odd for 50 mls.

I see it as a treat. Having money in the bank isn't everything.

I think you might be a bit stingy. Buy the perfum

well that's just complete nonsense, isn't it?

Regardless of what YOU think is expensive for perfume, a basic google search will prove that you can get much cheaper perfume. 90% of everything Boots (as the UK's biggest pharmacy) sells, for example, will be cheaper than £2700.00 per 1L, which is approximately what the one OP wanted was. So, no, in context it isn't 'a lower end' perfume cost and most people probably would consider it expensive.

If you are well off and frequently buy expensive perfume then it might seem like a comparatively low price but that's not the position 95% of a country where the average wage is about £36k, i.e. "most people" are in.

I wish people would engage brain and refer to actual facts rather than extrapolating their narrow lives onto the rest of the population because of an inability to consider the possibility of their own tiny lives possibly not being an exact microcosm of wider society.

If you have concerns about money, do you really need a £600,000plus house for just you and dd, OP?

It does seem a bit mad to be worrying about spending £80 on perfume when the amount you must pay on mortgage interest will dwarf that.

Why should they even care about something that doesn’t affect them in the slightest? Sounds like they don’t miss an opportunity to have a pop at you

She will. Just on her own timeline.

No, of course not. You’re not wasteful.

I would be exactly the same, op. Save it for Christmas, hopefully get it on offer. I’d enjoy it more, delayed gratification and hopefully a discount. Money is important, dont fritter it away, especially when you have a home to run and you know your boiler could conk out or a tile get blown off the roof, and youd suddenly have to fix it. I don’t enjoy financial splurging, it isn’t pleasure to me. Having savings and getting things for a good price is pleasurable to me.

Needing and wanting are different animals. If you want it, hold off until Christmas, or better still (if you still do inter family gifts), get folk to buy you a tenner voucher each, or whatever, for the store in question.

You would be stingy if you needed something important, say a dishwasher or something like that, and wouldn't buy it immediately even though you could well afford it.

Some people get a kick out of saving and scrimping even if they don't need to. That's fun for them. Other poor sods have no choice.

No pockets in a shroud either way.

No you’re not. £80 is an expensive item especially for just 30ml. But then I buy most of my stuff of Vinted.

She has a 250k mortgage, plus bills on her own. She's doing well to save at all.

Spend your money because if you don’t someone else will spend it for you. I had a frugal uncle who owned his own home and saved all his money. He never bought anything nice for himself. His furniture was decades old and uncomfortable. House hadn’t been decorated or changed since he moved in decades ago. He got dementia and everything had to be sold for care home fees. You can’t take it with you to the grave so treat yourself while you can.

Can't you give yourself £50 per month 'treat' money?! You earn £5k per month, surely even with outgoings and savings you'd still be in a good position. It's pretty unusual to wait 5 months for a relatively small purchase when you can afford it. You work hard and are sensible with money, enjoy it a bit, a few luxuries can make you feel great.