Am I stingy and not living life to the full?

[Yealoo]

I’m a single parent but in honesty my attitude to money has always been like this long before DD 3.

I have an income of 5k a month (ex not in the picture and doesn’t contribute financially other than now and then sending 100 quid, ongoing cms case but he’s self employed).

I own around 60% of my home so still have a 250k mortgage to pay off and I am 39 so not just starting out.

I have around 50k savings and my family know about this just because we often talk about investments and options. I recently mentioned that I was going to treat myself at Christmas and buy a 30ml 80 pound perfume as someone at work had it and it was amazing and it was almost like a trigger point for my sibling who basically said I was stingy and she couldn’t believe I would put off getting that for myself when it literally wouldn’t have any actual impact on my finances, it’s not going to deplete them.

It maybe sounds like a small comment but it was very scathing. My parents and other sibling then agreed I needed to lighten up and live a bit!!

The thing is I will spend on DD and I buy nice gifts for people (or so I hope!) and it’s not like I dislike buying things it’s just to me that purchase of perfume would be VERY extravagant. Is it? Do you agree or am I stingy?

Maybe it's just priorities. We have a household income more than that and one dd. I would consider a 'proper perfume' at around £100 to be a xmas or bday treat - I would never just buy it as a treat otherwise.

Your money your choice..but if you bought every little thing because it made no impact on your finances, you would have that level of savings! You've got that money because you're careful.

You don't have to justify your choices to anyone

Hmm. Did your sibling kick off because you’re known to be tight and make a big deal of not spending money or telling others how broke you are and times are hard. , Are you known for example for sitting in your house freezing cold in the winter wearing 3 jumpers etc rather than turning on the central heating.

It’s good to be careful with money but quite honestly, with your income, I’d be buying whatever perfume I like when I like. In fact, I earn half your salary and would still buy the damned perfume.

There’s a few reasons why nearly half of the adults in the UK are in debt. This is one of them.

It’s not, but on one income she’ll be paying about £2k out of her £5k income on the mortgage (assuming the remaining term is less than 25 years as it isn’t a new mortgage). So a fairly large proportion of household income.

There’s no right answer.

Behavioural finance is complex.

if you’re happy with it, that’s all that matters.

And for what it’s worth, you are in a good financial position, but that’s probably BECAUSE of your cautious nature to unnecessary spending.

Give over. The OP is a high earner and it’s an £80 purchase. Her spending is not going to spiral out of control from a perfume. Not everyone is on minimum wage.

I'm on a good bit less than you, household income of about 3.5k a month. We're mortgage free though so don't have that expense. I'd happily spend £80 on something random that I wanted. Hell, I've just spent £250 on a computer part that honestly could have waited till Christmas.

If it makes you happy, then there's nothing wrong with spending money when you can afford it.

@Yealoo

Which perfume is it, OP?

There are some which are more suited to the winter months rather than the summer.

OP im with you, we have a high household income and I would find it really hard to justify £80 on a perfume personally, it definitely wouldn't be a regular spend, it would be a real treat. We all have different priorities, mine are savings for my DS and for our future, pension and holidays. Likely the amount I spend on holidays would seem high to others, but id rather do that than the low level regular spend that others do. Each to their own.

I would spend £80 on a pair of trainers but not perfume. If you really coveted it, I’m assuming you would just buy it in may.

Plenty of people would spend £80 on a mediocre meal out for two at a chain restaurant or a month's worth of coffees and not have any weird ideas about only allowing themselves that spend at Christmas. The OPs perfume will last longer than either of those things.

I do think perfume is unnecessary, but nice to have. I have 6 bottles on rotation depending on season and occasion.

I don't think an £80 perfume is extravagant, if it's nice and what you want and you wear it everyday. I don't see why you'd wait for Christmas. That's 6 months away! What are you doing for scent in the meantime?

I also think that a lot of mums share your attitude and will happily spend money on their child but then be a bit martyrish when it comes to themselves. It's understandable but I can also see how that can get old quickly as a bystander.

Also if you out earn your siblings it could seem like a lot of money to them. It's easy to spend other people's money ;)

Stop sharing your finances with your family for a start.
Well done for having savings.
I am a great believer in saving and have instilled it into my children.

Keep going as you are.
Be wary of being asked for loans when you are so free with your private information.

I'm a single parent, with two children - though my ex pays roughly 50% of child specific costs (clothes, activities, etc.). We each 100% maintain our own households. I'm on a smaller income, albeit with mortgage paid off and decent savings. I happily spend on myself, why wouldn't I? Not so much on some everyday things like takeaway coffees, lunches, running an expensive car etc but definitely on some nice clothes, holidays, doing things with other people, occasional meals out. This is my life now, am not putting it off until a time that might never come. What is the point of working hard and earning well if you don't share it out a bit, including to oneself?

My husband is really stingy with himself and will happily buy me anything.

you sound the same

OP does say she treats herself every now and then, though. Different people have different priorities and consider different things as extravagant/unnecessary, random purchase. Even those with money.

Dying to know what the perfume is.

Life is short, if you are going to buy it anyway. Why wait?

I’m absolutely a Mrs Frugal so I sort of get you op. The things I do to keep hold of my money! But anyway, I’m a single parent too with 1 DD and I earn very little (shortly to be zero as I’m being made redundant). I managed to pay my mortgage off asap when I was young and have £30,000 savings as I’ve saved a little all my life. I don’t think you’re stingy, however, imo it’s important to also show your DD that you’re important and that you deserve treats. I provide for my DD first always but I have a weakness for perfume and I treat myself to it and I tell her I have treated myself. I don’t really know why I even think it’s important but I do🤣 I have also just treated myself to a £100 perfume!

Because delayed gratification is a thing? Because it might feel more special at Christmas? Because she bloody wants to?

I wouldn't buy nice perfume outside Christmas/Birthday's either,.it would feel very frivolous and not "special" if I just bought it, honestly it is your money, your sister probably came from a good place, try and not take it to heart.

@Yealoo you are worth it and you are entitled to have things that feel good. Perfume lifts me every single day. It's my thing but I don't sp3nd on takeaway coffee or bought lunches. I bring home about what you do.

well by that definition, anything other than food and shelter is ‘unnecessary and extravagant’ @Yealoo

Live a little! You’re in an excellent position!’

Are you stingy though? You say you buy your DD nice gifts, but do you have days out, birthday parties, treats etc?

Can I ask you a question, is it that you feel your not worth it, and with Christmas somehow you can justify it.