to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

[teaandaflorentineplease]

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

Just because school wasn't good for you doesn't mean your child should miss. Again it isn't for the child's best interests.

100% agree with you. Go for it. That school structure from such a young age damaged our daughter. It simply wasn’t right for her. You know your child. I absolutely wish I’d done this. Ignore the naysayers. You can always change your mind and let them join school when older. Just make sure you connect with other homeschooled children.

my child came out of the school system and I wish I’d done it 5 years earlier!

I’m a teacher in a school that does offer flexi schooling and whilst I’m not against home schooling completely - what I had witnessed is every single child that has come to us from home schooling has been significantly behind academically. I only mention this because you mentioned you’re not opposed to schooling in the future but just be careful with that because all of these children are now playing catch up. We’ve also had to unpick a lot of incorrect teaching, specifically around phonics!

You have to make the decision that works best for you but I can definitely say that my Covid experience means that HE is not something I would do. There is just so much to teaching. Yes, some people might naturally have a kind of aptitude but there is a real skill to it all which your teacher friends might feel you are not appreciating. My DD has had some amazing teachers who have really boosted her confidence in a way that I can’t because I’m her mum and she’ll say “well of course you’d say that”. They’ve found all kinds of ways of helping her understand things that I don’t think I could (I should add, I teach in a uni, but teaching younger kids who are developing in so many ways, and particularly your own where there is already a relationship dynamic, is very different). At the moment your child is 1 years old and you may find that once they are speaking and developing their own opinions etc that they really don’t want to be taught by mum. For some children it can work very well but I think you make a lot of assumptions about schools, teachers and your own abilities which it might be worth reflecting on further.

Its more than just education. It's following rules.taking turns .listening, friendship, teamwork,socialising and so.much more

It's not so much against Home Ed, it's the condescending air of superiority from those that to towards those that don't is what grates.

An excuse not to work. What the f? How thick is this comment, as if this would be a deciding factor for someone. We all know kids are hard work so it’s hardly going to be a holiday. It’s 24/7.

PS primary school is 9-3 (including lunchtime and 2 playtimes) so you have several hours after that you can do lots of outdoorsy stuff and lots of people do- gardening, park, walks, swimming, scouts/brownies, bushcraft, team sports… and 2 days on the weekend too.

HE is what feels right for my family

As your child is only one I think you mean HE is what feels right for you.
You don’t know yet what would feel right for your child. I’m not at all anti HE, but I feel you don’t know enough about early years education to make an informed choice.

I think you need to visit a few schools to get a feel for them before you decide.

I think your friends are right, but also think they should stop saying it - I think it's particularly odd if people who weren't part of the conversation originally are now joining in. It is basically as ridiculous to harangue you about it now as it is for you to declare it. You're all talking about something that is too far away to make a decision on now. My only thought is - if life works out so that you don't end up home educating, will you regret increasing work hours now?

The same could be said for those who were home educated and against it, just because it wasn't good for them, doesn't mean it won't be good for their child.. I will see how my child feels, if she wants to go to school and make that decision then I will support her.

But this is it isn't it, home Ed by its very nature is unavoidably isolating. So any funny parenting quirks, or strange habits in the family, you didn't even know you had, would never be compared to other families.

Op's child could have grown up not knowing that it's safe to play in the rain without wellies. It's just one example.

Meeting other families is a huge part of school. You meet people from other cultures who eat different sorts of food, say. You meet your friends' parents who have interesting jobs you can learn about. All of this stuff comes "free" with school, whereas you'd have to try and artificially construct these networks via home ed groups, which presumably are mostly similar SAHM families of a similar demographic.

What on earth does revenge have to do with anything? Revenge on who?

Having a child deliberately in ft nursery so you can leave work to home school seems very odd though, views about home education aside. Parents usually prioritise being either dc when young.
If you want to keep them in nursery until compulsory school age that may be an option although tricky if all peers leave for school. Mine went to a small private primary school and got nursery funding for reception year until they reached compulsory school age.

I think you are completely mad to be so fixated on this when your child is 1. I suspect your friends feel the same way. Why an earth did you get into this at this age? OF COURSE this is going to be a bit of a trigger for teachers who have probably seen the down side of “home schooling”
done badly. Just say “oh yes they might be in the same class how funny”. Chances are loads of things will change in 3 years anyway, one of you might have moved away, someone might decide to go private, it all means nothing at that age.

Plus you sound incredibly entrenched in this idea- which is a bit of a red flag for me. When I have seen home schooling done well it has been when there is a genuine desire to do what’s best for the child and, when older, the child has chosen to do it. When it’s done because the parents let it become their entire personality/ reflective of a value system they think makes them superior that’s when it usually ends badly. Why don’t you just keep an open mind and see how your child gets on? And I think you would be mad to give up your job and face financial insecurity to do this unless you genuinely had to (I.e because of SEN or terrible local school options). Even if you can afford to home school on one salary, what happens if your DH gets ill? And have you factored potential university fees in?

With the rise in home schooling, with no official body checking its quality or quantity, I think there will be a generation of young adults without formal qualifications, and unable to get/keep jobs due to never having to adhere to rules, regulations and wearing a uniform.

I’m a teacher, I went to university to learn how to do this. Why do parents think they can do the job of someone who studied for 4 years is beyond me.

Also, the majority of home schoolers are spending money on ‘lessons’ as they can’t do it themselves- school is free.

Another thing is if you don’t send your child to school, you can’t be working, who is funding this , in my experience its a high earning partner funding it or claiming benefits. I don’t claim the school system is perfect but there is a generation of children missing out on the experience.

In COVID we learned the lesson that children need face to face schooling for their mental health. Why do home schoolers not discuss this point?

@MumsTheWordYouKnow you're absolutely right, parents know their child best, and by the time your child is 4 you really know what kind of education would suit them best at that point. But you don’t know this when they’re a baby. OP has refused to answer the question of what she’ll do if her child wants to go to school when the time comes.

You have to research carefully - will there be space in a desirable school ‘later’? Will the home education you have provided be a sufficient and solid enough base to fly in school when rejoining their age group? Will you understand the vocabulary, the context and the underlying concepts she would have been familiar with well enough to teach them to the same standard as at school?

Teaching ‘content’ is one thing. Teaching for understanding is totally another.

The young person I know who has homeschooled for longest is joining 6th form this summer. They have never spent an hour with a group of their age peers. They have never studied more than 2 subjects in parallel (having taken 1 or 2 GCSEs at a time over 3 years, to a total if 5). Their choice of subjects was severely circumscribed by the narrowness of their previous education (dictated by what exams were accessible to them). Despite there being specific support for homeschooled teens joining this 6th form, it is rare for such pupils to complete the normal courses of study over the usual 2 years, and I can absolutely see why.

That's so inaccurate and stupid.

OP said this in the post 'We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage'

She has clearly said that she hasn't ruled it out which I think answers your question.

I think some mums do enjoy the whole taking pre schooler to activities and naturally want it to continue. Some HE groups seem similar to toddler groups with parents there socialising just for older age group.
I had a nice life with one dd and only worked pt when she was nursery age. It wasn’t full on 24/7. Especially if you sign them up for activities/music lessons/dance etc.

@Owlsintheforest ah yes, you’re right, in one of her later posts she’s acknowledged that things may change. That’s good. But it’s the opposite of what she said at the start.

@MumsTheWordYouKnow I am aware of how difficult it is to look after kids. I also have an autistic one!

They need face-to-face contact with others, and we discuss that all the time. Just because you have never heard home educators (NOT homeschoolers) talking about this, you think we don't do it? Despite the fact that you are evidently quite closed-minded about the whole subject? They need teaching, but it doesn't need to be from someone with a one-year graduate certificate in teaching and an official job title. Which is all a teacher has on me. (I have studied for four years as I have an MA.)

"I think there will be a generation of young adults without formal qualifications, and unable to get/keep jobs due to never having to adhere to rules, regulations and wearing a uniform."

It's this kind of sheep thinking that just turns me off even engaging with most people about this. It's so silly. Each job has rules and regulations which people learn as they do the job. Not that many jobs have uniforms. There are plenty of people in the world who can show up, turn off their brains and follow rules. We need more who can take responsibility for themselves and others and show initiative.

Is it a requirement for Home Ed parents to throw the word "sheep" at anyone who isn't part of the Home Ed community. You are as bad as anti vaxxers quite frankly, sneering at anyone who has different views to you. You're right and everyone else is wrong.