Was I inappropriate to request this from my dentist?

[plos]

I have to be sedated for some dental work I have coming up. I like and trust my dentist. But I just feel very vulnerable as a woman being in that position. So I requested my husband be with me when I’m out of it. Just for peace of mind. The dentist definitely gave off the vibe that what I was asking was odd. I didn’t go into the why. I was told it was not possible

was it that weird to ask? I do err on the side of caution. I watch too much true crime probably. When we had IVF I asked that my husband stayed with his sample. I was paranoid that his sample would be swapped. This was definitely a direct result of watching the doc where the dr used his own. And to be fair the clinic allowed it.

But anyway. I think if a woman feels vulnerable (given the level of abuse women encounter) then I should be able to request safeguards

Every time I have had work done there has been a dental nurse there too.

I have never, in all my years (and they are a fair few) been alone with a Dentist, there has always been a dental nurse present.

A dental nurse should always be present both for your own and the dentists safeguarding
Your request is not unreasonable at all and I think you should email the practice manager saying you want your husband present - no need to explain why.

Your husband won’t be allowed to be there. Like he wouldn’t in an operating theatre. However, there will be a dental nurse - legally there has to be with sedation anyway as someone has to be monitoring you

If you are being sedated, surely you would have someone with you to take you home? So I can’t see why having them in the actual room would be a problem, unless the dental room is tiny or they are conducting it in a sterile theatre type setting?

It’s a tricky situation, because you have a right to peace of mind while your dentist also has a right to be trusted as a medical professional.

it could be said that you’re implying that the dentist is a predator with your request but then chaperones are available for internal examinations to protect both parties. I personally don’t believe it’s unreasonable to ask for your husband to accompany you

I'm sure if you are being sedated there'd have to be a dental nurse present.

I do understand your concern, though.

Try a different dentist!

Has anyone ever had dental treatment of any kind without a nurse there? Even just for a check up, there’s usually an assistant documenting the dentist’s findings as he/she calls them out.

OP I think you’re right that you watch too many crime documentaries!

You should absolutely be able to request a chaperone, but that would normally be the dental nurse.

I can understand why the dentist wouldn’t want your husband there.

It should not just be you and the male dentist though, and if that is what he is suggesting you should report.

Try a different dentist. Mine is often there, not because I particularly want it, but because we often book back to back appointments for us and dc, so they often just call us all in together rather than wasting time.

There absolutely should be a dental nurse in the room with you at all times when you are seeing a dentist, sedated or not.

I don't think you were unreasonable to ask, you did ask, he said no. I don't think that is unreasonable either.

He probably thinks you're giving off 'I'm looking for anything I can sue you for' vibes. Or, 'i have a weird controlling husband who can't leave me alone with other men' vibes.

If you're unhappy I'd suggest asking the practice if you can see another dentist, and if that fails move practice to one that will allow this. Maybe find one with a female dentist- would that settle your nerves?

Why would you be alone with your dentist at any point, ever? I’ve never seen the dentist without a dental nurse present.

If you’ve watched lots of true crime documentaries, you must know “I’m in an abusive relationship and my husband won’t let me get medical treatment without him present” is FAR more likely than “my dentist is going to ignore my teeth and sexually assault me”

Sounds like you need to change to a woman dentist. I'd be surprised if the dental nurse wasn't there - to protect you both.

You like and trust your dentist, yet pretty much told him that you don’t trust him not to rape you while you are sedated, so want your husband there supervising him while he carries out your dental work.

yeah, I can understand why he was off with you.

You wouldn’t be alone anyway, he would have a dental nurse assisting him.

I doubt it’s anything you said. I think it’s probably normal not to allow non-HCPs to remain in the room during a sedation procedure. Both my 15yo dc and I have had a tooth extracted under sedation, and in neither case was a family adult allowed to stay in the room during the procedure.

You will never be left alone while sedated. There will be at least three people with you during the procedure: the dentist, the anaesthetist and the dental nurse.

Not weird at all I go into the dentist every time with my husband as he’s autistic and struggles with communication and he’s never asked him if I could be present in the room nor has it ever been questioned.

the only way I can see the dentist being a bit taken a back is if you said you don’t trust him whilst you’re sedated.

My husband accompanied me once to get me through a rough patch as I had become an extremely nervous patient and the dentist understood this would help me overcome my fears, which it did. But if trust is an issue because you’ll be sedated, I think you either need to change dentist or have a bit of a rethink because as others have said, you have a dental nurse present.

I have gone in with my sister as she has quite severe anxiety around dental work and it wasn't even questioned. Our dad has also accompanied her.

Is it just in the normal treatment room that you are getting the procedure done or is it an actual operating theatre?

My dental appointment was cancelled at the last minute last week, because the dental nurse had gone home sick. They will not treat you without a nurse present.

I think you've watched too much Handmaid's Tale. I do get it though. It's reasonable to ask for someone to be present I think. I'm sure they'll have a nurse assisting regardless. The only reason they'll say no is because your husband might get in the way.

I mean I sat in on my mum having her tooth pulled at an NHS dental hospital. But she wasn't sedated.

I guess if the implications is you think the dentist might SA you then I could see they might be a bit surprised.

There are no major dental procedures that happen without at least one nurse in the room. And I've only ever seen female dental nurses. If that's any comfort.

There should be a nurse there but I’ve taken my dad in with me. He sat in the corner doing a crossword!

Would DH be able to go into theatre if you are being sedated for an endoscopy/colonoscopy or any other procedure requiring sedation? What's the difference?

I'm embarrassed for you, you know a dental nurse/ assistant will be there.